Dancing With Uncertainty

It's a solo episode! In this episode, I share a bit about my own journey and the season of life I'm in right now as I recently closed my photography studio. I dive into what I've learned over the years about self-trust, uncertainty tolerance, and the tendency to attach our confidence and worth to things outside of ourselves. We explore what these lessons have taught me about business, body image, and navigating change with a deeper sense of grounded confidence. ♥ 

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Transcript

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Speaker 0:01

Hey, beautiful souls. Welcome back to the Body Image Revolution. There have been some bigger changes and transitions in my life lately, and I realize that it's been a minute since I shared some of that stuff with you, some of that personal stuff. In general, I'm very open and honest when it comes to my own life, but I'm sure you can relate to the fact that sometimes it can be really hard to share hard things when you're, like, going through them. You're in the depths of them, still processing them yourself. And at the same time, I know that it's very valuable to share those things if it's possible. Of course, not at the expense of yourself or your own process, your own journey. But as a business owner and a body image coach, someone who has a podcast and a platform, I really feel called to share my own vulnerabilities and the processes I go through, the tools that I use, and how I use all those things to come out on the other side of the challenges that come my way. And if I can share them while I'm going through them, that's also very valuable because it just shows humanness. We're all going through life, and there's so many ebbs and flows, and it's not always easy. And if something that I share can help someone else not feel as alone, I've done my job for the day. The truth is, is that there's not necessarily a destination when it comes to healing. It's a nonlinear type of thing, it's not like you get to graduate from life or that you get to win at life. Obviously, you can redefine what winning means, but it's not a race. It's an evolution. And sometimes you might think that you are on the other side of something or that you've healed from something, and then something comes back, maybe something similar or even the exact same thing comes back and it hits you in the face again and you're like, "Oh my God. I thought I healed from this," or, "I thought this was, like something that I was over," and it comes back again and again. And I don't think this is a failure. I don't think this means that you haven't healed or grown. I think this is actually very purposeful. It gives us all an opportunity to come back to those places that we need to come back to with new eyes, to go deeper, to heal more, to really understand ourselves on deeper levels. And that kind of understanding is actually what gives us confidence, that clarity about ourselves, about who we are, about what we went through, and having compassion for that, seeing ourselves in a positive regard and trusting ourselves because of that, trusting ourselves because we have that clarity and understanding about who we are. That's exactly what helps us walk through the world with a grounded sense of identity and confidence. Personally, that's a huge part of what healing and introspection really gives me. And It makes sense if there's things that are coming to the surface for you. It's such a crazy world that we live in today. It's a crazy reality. Here in Israel, we've swung in and out of very intense bouts of war, and sirens, and terrorism, and uncertainty. We've been on the edge and inside survival mode so many times while also trying to just live our lives as normally as possible, and it's not an easy balance, and sometimes it's not even balanced at all. I personally would not be able to tell you, like even with all my introspection and all my self-awareness, I would not be able to tell you exactly all the ways the war has impacted me, my body, my nervous system, my healing, my mindset, my relationship with myself, with God, with my husband, with my kids, all the ways it's impacted them, and all the people I love. There's no way to really quantify this impact, but I definitely know that things have changed in very significant ways. My life is different than what I imagined it would be before the war. I'm sitting here in May of two thousand twenty-six, almost three years from when the war began. Is it three years? That's what I think, right? Three years. See, it's like time is so crazy. But there's so many things that I wouldn't have really imagined. I'll start with some gratitude because I'm looking out this window in our gorgeous home on the edge of the city, looking out at rolling hills, and I don't know if I would've imagined that I'd be in this gorgeous place or that my husband would've taken a completely new career path. He's now one of the heads of security for our entire town. Like what? Or The New Sexy, my signature program, would've expanded in the way that it did, becoming so impactful and reaching women all around the world, in Australia, in Mexico, in New York, in the north of Israel, and literally everywhere. Or that I would be here right now in my home office because for the last four and a half years, even a little more than that, I worked out of a beautiful studio where I did all of my boudoir photography work, coached hundreds of women, hosted so many workshops and healing experiences, and now it's closed. And I'm sitting here with, like you probably hear, a lot of gratitude, having already processed a lot of the grief that came with that, but still on the edge of this new chapter. And there's a lot of uncertainty that comes with that. It's really interesting because I'm someone who does not love uncertainty. I love consistency and stability. If you're into astrology, I'm a Taurus, an earth sign, a bull. I'm loyal, sometimes to a fault. I'm stubborn, sometimes to a fault. Those things can also be my strengths when directed in the right way for me. Those things, that consistency, that loyalty, that not giving up-ness, it's helped me build my life and my business and helped me continue going during really challenging times, even when it made a lot of sense to give up, and nobody would have blamed me for that. But it's not just about work ethic or not giving up or staying on the path even when it's hard. There's this other skill that I've clocked and realized how important it is, something that I've cultivated over the years that's one thousand percent essential when it comes to building a business, and it's also essential when it comes to pretty much everything, but also healing your relationship with your body. And it's something that I call uncertainty tolerance How I define uncertainty tolerance is your ability to stay with yourself, connected to yourself and your values and your deeper purpose, even when life ebbs and flows, when things feel scary or uncomfortable or unknown. It's the ability to move forward without having all the answers, to make decisions without guarantees, to trust yourself even when you don't know exactly how things are going to unfold. And it's very important because uncertainty is not something we just experience once in a while. We experience it every single day. It's woven into almost every meaningful part of being human: relationships, parenting, business, healing, our bodies. We don't know what opportunities will come our way, how circumstances will change, what challenges we'll face, or what tomorrow will bring. The question isn't whether things will be certain or not, or if the uncertainty will show up in your life. It will. The question is whether you're gonna spend your life fighting that, running from it, avoiding it, trying to control it, or whether you'll be able to surrender to it and navigate it with greater trust for yourself and compassion. And if you're hearing this and you're like, "Cool, but, like, I still wanna feel in control," welcome to being human. We all do. We all want that certainty. We want guarantees. We want to know that if we make the, quote-unquote, "right decision", everything will just work out exactly as planned. But it doesn't work that way. It doesn't work that way, and that can really be the magic sometimes because there's things that will happen that are unexpected, and you'll be like, "Oh my gosh, like, that's exactly what needed to happen to get me to where I'm supposed to be." It doesn't always feel like that. It usually does not feel like that in the beginning. I see uncertainty tolerance as such a dance. It's an art. It's learning to create safety in the things that we do know, the values that guide us, the people we trust and love, the practices that ground us, our ability to navigate hard things, while also leaving room for the unknown, for surrendering to that, to possibility, to growth. Because sometimes our desperate need for certainty, our brain's desperate need for knowing what's gonna happen, keeps us clinging to the things that no longer serve us just because they feel comfortable and familiar. And often, the life that we want lives on the other side of being able to take a step forward before we know exactly where that path is going to lead. And that's what has been happening for me lately. That's exactly what happened with my photography studio, and I wanna share a little bit about that with you. So I first opened it four and a half years ago. Like most other decisions I make, I allowed my intuition to totally lead here. I did not spend hours crunching numbers. I did not ask my friends what they thought. I did not shop around or take days to think about it I remember when I started with my first business coach, we wrote down, like, what we wanna get out of the coaching and what our dreams are when it comes to our business, and I wrote down that... This was a few years before I opened my studio. I wrote down, "I'd like to maybe open a photography studio one day." It was kind of like a pipe dream. And went through the coaching and really grew a lot and kind of had it more in my mind. It was more of a focus. I was in the middle of moving apartments because our landlord was selling it and we had to move. So- see, like, some of these things really come from things that we can't control or the uncertainty. the place that we were renting before was a home studio that I used for a lot of my sessions. So when we decided to move, the next place that we moved was not really good for my boudoir sessions, and I realized I need a space. And so that was at the forefront of my mind. And I was at this cute little café in Efrat. It was called Papillon at the time. I was talking to the owner, and I was like, "I heard that this building is being built up more. Do you have the landlord's number?" And she immediately gave me the landlord's number. The next day, I met him. We walked into this unfinished floor. Like, literally there were no walls or doors or bathrooms, and I was like, "I'll take it." And the rest was history. And it was amazing. I'm so glad I listened to my intuition. My business grew tenfold, not just in income, but in impact. I had more boudoir sessions than ever before. I really created the space for me to grow the coaching side of my business. I started using social media way more. I recently looked back to, like, when I opened the studio, and I'm like, I don't even know if I really posted so much on social media. Definitely not on Instagram before I had opened my studio. so yeah, so I started using social media more, and I started this podcast. I began hosting virtual workshops and programs for hundreds of women around the world. I started The New Sexy. There was so much momentum, so much expansiveness. I was, like, in it, and it was growing, and it was fast, and it felt so inspiring and good. And then October 7th came along it was tragic. Not just like heartbreaking, but soul-shattering for me, for my family, for my community, for the country, for Jewish people and allies all around the world. it wasn't just something you move on from, we also couldn't move on from it in just our daily lives. My husband was in the reserves, and everything felt upside down. And The truth is, is you'd think, okay, I thought like the first week or two I was like, "Oh my God, like I guess my business is over," but it was so far from that. It did not break my business. It helped me clarify who I am, what I stand for, how much more important the work that I do is. I actually hosted sexuality during wartime workshops for women in my studio, collaborated with other women on that, and I began my epic fundraiser, iPhone Sessions for IDF Wives, which gave over one hundred and thirty women a mini healing boudoir experience in my studio with professional makeup and a space to reconnect with their bodies and their sensuality and have pictures for their soldiers who are on duty during a completely just challenging and unprecedented time that really did disconnect us from our bodies because we were in that survival mode. And what it did was allowed me to see this new layer of meaning in my work, and I was more passionate than ever before. Even though at the same time I was doing all of those things, I think I was doing them because I needed an outlet and there were days that I was completely in survival mode and the only thing I could focus on was like my work or making sure my kids were fed and I was gonna say taking a bath, but I probably didn't even take a bath, like literally survival mode. Like I was on edge. I didn't always take care of myself in the way I wanted to. I wasn't always getting enough sleep for sure, like refreshing the news all the time, not moving my body as much as I wanted. And I had to keep coming back to the tools that I had, that I, that I give to my clients, the tools, the mindset that we are able to come back to ourselves again and again, and that's what it's really all about. You know, my husband was on reserve duty, so there was a lot of solo parenting. I was running a business and raising kids. Everyone with their own needs, ADHD, anxiety, emotional stuff. Like it was hard as hell. I'm not gonna sugarcoat that. it was just a lot, all at once. The good, the bad, the ugly, like all at once, all the emotions all the time. after the fundraiser kind of fizzled out months later, the boudoir side of my business continued along with the coaching of course, but the boudoir kind of was like up and down. And I think that makes sense because as much as women wanted this space to be in their bodies and feel beautiful and have this pampering experience most women were still in and out of this survival mode. They had a really hard time allowing in that pleasure and the joy and anything else besides just, you know, getting through the day. And while of course I think that kind of softened and changed over time, I think we're still all, like even right now, dealing with the fallout from that, and there's still stuff going on in Israel and in the world, and we're still in this healing process I knew this was so needed, like more than ever before, but that bridge and the, the door to open it up for women to get there was a little bit more difficult than before the war began. And I don't think it was just other women, I think it was also me and what I was going through. And truthfully, looking back, I think I held onto the studio for much longer than it probably made sense. But I don't know. I don't know if it's even helpful to, to say that, but I just held onto it for a really long time. I just kept thinking, "It'll go back to how it was," or, you know, not necessarily in the world, but like the, the, the flow of the business, it will go back. And I focused a lot on my coaching, on The New Sexy, my virtual experience, on the boudoir sessions that I did have, which by the way, were incredible and so healing, like on another level. I have such incredible memories of all the women that I worked with during that time. And I had plenty to do every single day. But the photography studio itself was not being utilized to its full potential, and a lot of times it would sit there, and eventually I realized it was time to move on from it. And at the same time as all of this was happening, and maybe things that I didn't feel that I could control as much were happening, I was also leaning more towards the coaching side of things. Because one thing that I've realized over the years is that boudoir is a very powerful tool for helping women change the way they perceive themselves. And in the way that I was offering it and am offering it with my unique approach and the method that I have, it is probably the most effective way to deeply shift how you see your physical self. But it's not the only tool. for real long-lasting change and changing the way that you actually live inside your body, it cannot be the only tool. I have been refining The New Sexy method, which is something that I bring every single client through in The New Sexy Awakening. It's a body-centered methodology for transforming women's body image, identity, and embodied sense of self. It's not just mindset or knowledge or letting go of beauty standards, even though it's that as well, but it's actually shifting the way that you live inside your body on a physical, emotional, and spiritual level. So I've been writing a paper on that, so stay tuned, and I've been feeling called to lean into that even more So with this space, as beautiful as it was, it was kind of like sitting over my head and it just didn't make sense anymore. And I won't go through my whole grieving process but there was definitely grief involved. one thing that I realized was that that studio gave me something. I mean, of course it did. It gave so many people something. But for me, I realized one of the things that it initially gave me was a boost of confidence. It was like this external physical thing that gave me a boost. Like, ooh, I'm successful. I'm at the point of my business where I have a studio. People come to me. I have this space to do whatever I want with. I don't think it was conscious at the time, but it's very human. I'm not ashamed of that. It wasn't coming from that, you know, deep place that I'm confident no matter what, but it gave me a landing space to get to where I am today. In a very positive way. It gave me a place of beauty and safety, a place to feel grounded, to create and teach and cultivate healing spaces and refine my method. And now I don't feel like I need the space anymore to legitimize me or my work. I feel like I'm at that next level where I really don't need that in order for me to continue growing and expanding and helping, and that's just such a freeing feel- I think at some point it even became kind of like a cage. Like, I relied on it, you know? Like, I did not go out as much. I didn't get out there or connect with new people. I kinda waited. I was, like, waiting, wishing something would change, and I just kinda hoped things would, like, you know, go back to the way it was And now it's been a month without it, and it's so liberating. I feel more like myself already. I truly feel that that space doesn't define me, my success, or my potential, and I'm still at the same time in this phase of uncertainty, and I don't know exactly what's happening next. It's the same thing with everything, with our relationships, with our bodies. There's so much uncertainty, and building that tolerance is something that is so incredibly important because our bodies change. There are so many things outside of our control when it comes to what we go through in life, how our bodies will change, both in ability and appearance, because everyone will age, right? Like, everyone will age, and even just that, that basic aging, there's no getting around that. Sure, you can do Botox and get plastic surgery and all these things, but you're still going to age. Bodies change. That is for sure it feels very uncertain because you can do everything, quote-unquote, correctly, and they will still change. And that's not bad or wrong or anything. It's just a part of life. With our bodies, we often do the same thing that I did. We think that external things will give us the confidence we're looking for. It's like, if you lose a few pounds, you'll finally feel satisfied with your body, or if you get a new haircut or buy a cute outfit, you'll feel sexy or get Botox or plastic surgery. And you're not bad for wanting or doing those things. It makes a lot of sense, especially in our society today. And what I did was attach my version of success to a physical space at some point, which is kind of like funny to say out loud, but we all do it. It's so fucking human, and it gives you that confidence boost, but it's not going to help you get to that place of grounded confidence where you really know yourself, you really trust yourself. And trusting yourself, like I was talking about before, is not about knowing that all the outcomes are going to happen the way you want. It's not making the, quote-unquote, right decision. It's knowing that you will have your back no matter what. You trust yourself to be able to move forward and stay connected to yourself even when things are hard, when things ebb and flow Those external things won't give you really loving and appreciating what you see when you look in the mirror, no matter what. And that's the kind of confidence that I'm interested in helping women cultivate. Not because other confidence is bad, not because faking it till you make it is bad, just not so effective. It's not going to get you to that place of Moving through all the changes and seasons of life, staying connected and grounded and confident in yourself. And that's the work I do. That's what we're doing inside of The New Sexy. I don't know what's going to happen and how things will evolve, but one thing I do know for sure is we are starting the eighth round of The New Sexy at the end of June, and I am so excited about it. I'm so excited to be in this new chapter of my life, helping other women step into their next chapter. Helping you cultivate that self-trust, the uncertainty tolerance, the joy, the pleasure, coming back to yourself, and being able to do that now during the summer, during war, during everything that might come along in life. Because if you can, if you can do that now, if you can create that now, even when... I'm sure that doesn't feel like the perfect timing. It never feels like the perfect timing. There's always something going on in life, right? Like, there's a health challenge or a kid or a parent or a war. Like there's so... There's always something. leaning into, "Wow, this is actually what I really want. I really want to feel grounded in myself. I really want the mindset and the tools and the community and the support to always be able to come back to myself," then we might be a good fit. This could be your next step. if you resonated with this episode at all, feel free to email me, to reach out to me, to apply to The New Sexy. I hope that this helped you feel not as alone in your struggle, and just know that it's really okay to struggle. It's really okay to go through a process, to grieve, for things not to feel balanced, for things not to feel perfect. And also, that is the door that can lead to the most magical things. That uncertainty can actually lead you to exactly where you need to be. It happened for me in every other aspect of my life, letting my intuition lead me there. And then, yeah, maybe closing a studio. Yeah, something changes. Yeah, something worked out, something didn't. But guess what? Through it all, I've had my own back And I want to help you continue to have yours and have the tools to come back to yourself again and again and again