The Body Image Revolution

Embracing Your Cycles, Body, and Femininity With Bohemian Balabusta

• Rebecca Sigala • Season 1 • Episode 70

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In this episode of The Body Image Revolution, I sit down with Malka Chana Amichai, the Bohemian Balabusta, to talk about cycles, womanhood, and what it means to come home to ourselves. We dive into postpartum evolution, body image, raising daughters with embodied wisdom, and filling in the gaps that sex education and society leave behind.

This conversation is honest, inspiring, and a reminder that our bodies are always doing exactly what they’re meant to do.

Learn more about Malka Chana by visiting her website: https://www.bohemianbalabusta.com


I would love to hear from you on Instagram!
https://www.instagram.com/rebeccasigalastudio

Rebecca Sigala:

Hello. Hello, beautiful souls. Welcome back to the Body Image Revolution. There are some amazing soul stirring things brewing in my world. Right now, we're right in the middle of the Self-care Revival Challenge. We're 11 days in, and women are transforming the way they see themselves and the way they take care of their bodies from a place of love, not guilt or punishment. It's been powerful and raw and just so inspiring and this week I'm gonna be sharing something that feels exactly what the world needs right now. It's an evolution of the New Sexy Mastermind, something that I'm calling the New Sexy Awakening, and I've never felt. So deeply aligned with an offer in my entire life, and I can't wait to share it with you and invite you into this next level experience. So keep your eyes and ears open. Big things are coming today. We have such an amazing guest, Malka Chana Amichai, who is also known as the Bohemian Balabusta. She is a menstruation and sexuality mentor, helping Jewish women reclaim their womanhood with authenticity. And I'm so excited for you to hear this conversation. We've been in similar circles for years, but never actually had the chance to like sit down and chat. And now I'm wondering why, because, oh my goodness, we had so much to talk about. We went into everything from her story and her upbringing. How that shapes her work to sex education, the messages that we grew up with, and how badly that needs to change. Postpartum and body image, and the constant shifts and cycles of the female body, and how to pass on all of this beautiful wisdom to our children. I loved connecting with Malca Chana and just seeing where our work overlaps in the most incredible ways, and I'm beyond excited to share this episode with you. Enjoy my loves.

malka chana:

Hey,

Rebecca Sigala:

Hey, I'm so excited. Thank you so much for coming on.

malka chana:

Yeah. Thanks for inviting me.

Rebecca Sigala:

Of course. I think we'll just dive into it. So I asked you on here today because I mean, you're someone that I have wanted to have on the podcast even before I saw this, but I saw that you were talking about postpartum and the pressures around, bouncing back and looking a certain way and body image and things like that. And then in conjunction with that, I know that a lot of the work that you do has to do with female cycles and how to talk to your kids about periods and sexuality and all of these things. And I just felt like, wow, there's probably so much that we can talk about and I am really excited to just dive into everything with you today.

malka chana:

Amazing. Great. Yeah, let's go for it.

Rebecca Sigala:

Yay. Let's do it. so postpartum, is that something that you're talking about right now because you're postpartum? Like where are you in your life and on your journey?

malka chana:

Yeah. So I think, a lot of my content is what I do for a living with working with women as they move through female lifecycle events, but I'm also a female moving through those lifecycle events.

Rebecca Sigala:

Oh my goodness, of course.

malka chana:

to, I tend to feel inspired by what I am going through also. So, yes, look, my baby's almost two years old, but in my mind, I'm still postpartum

Rebecca Sigala:

Oh, heck yeah.

malka chana:

there's this idea that, you know, okay, you're postpartum for three months, maybe a year after, but our bodies are constantly evolving and healing and shifting in this postpartum phase. And especially if someone is breastfeeding, our hormones are still shifting so much, months and months after. So recently, I've brought that up because I'm going through it. I'm going through

Rebecca Sigala:

yeah, yeah. That makes so much sense. How many kids do you have?

malka chana:

So we have five kids. Thank

Rebecca Sigala:

Wow. Amazing. Hora. so what has your experience been like, you know, now this is your fifth child and you're talking about being postpartum and that it doesn't really end just at three months. Has that always been the way that you perceived it, or has that mindset grown over time?

malka chana:

It's definitely grown over time, and from what I've seen is the larger the gaps are between my children, I'm able to lean more into what postpartum actually means. So in my younger years when my kids were closer together, I definitely didn't get that full spectrum of what postpartum was because I

Rebecca Sigala:

Yeah.

malka chana:

with the next kid like a year and a bit. So

Rebecca Sigala:

How old were you when you had your first kid?

malka chana:

I was 23.

Rebecca Sigala:

Wow.

malka chana:

when I had my first.

Rebecca Sigala:

Yeah, I was 21, so I, I feel that.

malka chana:

it's a totally, it's a totally different ball game when you're having kids young and you know, in my mind I, that maybe a year is postpartum. So then I was pregnant with my next, and you think that, okay, I closed the door. That was my postpartum now onto

Rebecca Sigala:

Yeah.

malka chana:

baby, and it's really not what it is. And my last two children, the spaces I've had between them are much larger. And I see this total evolution that I missed with that first bunch that was, you know, kind of, tzafuf and close together.

Rebecca Sigala:

Hmm.

malka chana:

So what I'm

Rebecca Sigala:

What's the evolution?

malka chana:

yeah, the evolution is, that rather than going from a pregnant body into a postpartum body and having the baby constantly be around you, reminding you that you're postpartum,

Rebecca Sigala:

Yeah.

malka chana:

the baby becomes more independent and isn't so intertwined with who I am. And

Rebecca Sigala:

Yeah.

malka chana:

my body as the product of being postpartum, the product of having been

Rebecca Sigala:

Hmm.

malka chana:

and. Giving birth.

Rebecca Sigala:

Interesting. Yeah.

malka chana:

that creates a lot more space for disconnect, a lot more space for who, who is this body? How do I relate to you? How do I love you? creating this, homecoming into this new skin that I've grown, right? As women, were constantly shedding a skin as we move through different lifecycle events. And that's not, that's not a, a weakness, it's an evolution into the next version of ourselves and leaning into that, there's so much power there that I had no idea until I've

Rebecca Sigala:

Wow, that sounds so powerful. And I really relate to that. I also feel that every birth that I've had, I haven't had five, I had three. But it's been really, like you said, this evolution or almost like of course, a birth of a beautiful child, but also a rebirth of me. And like you said, once that baby is out and there's this. I don't know. Awakening, reckoning, something that happens inside of you where it's, it's an opportunity to reconnect with yourself, but maybe not in the same way that you did before, like maybe it's something completely new. Does that resonate with you?

malka chana:

Absolutely. And you know, on a very simple level, the image that we see is you have a woman, who's after birth and she's trying to fit into her pre-pregnancy jeans, right?

Rebecca Sigala:

Yes.

malka chana:

stereotypical thing, and

Rebecca Sigala:

Mm-hmm.

malka chana:

'em up in of the mirror. There's this internal voice that is telling us that we have to return to what was I need to get back to myself. I need to fit into those jeans. I need to go back. that's not the direction that this moves. You are moving into a new, you, a new body, a new wardrobe if you want, you

Rebecca Sigala:

Yeah.

malka chana:

a

Rebecca Sigala:

Yeah.

malka chana:

stage forward. It's, it's not backwards because when we give birth to someone, we're not just giving birth to a baby, we're giving birth to a whole new side of ourselves. And each child is teaching us different things about our own personal growth and where we need to grow. And, you know, so one of the questions that I, I know you wanted to go into today is how do we mirror this for our children? And so much of this dynamic is they're actually mirroring to us what our work is. And

Rebecca Sigala:

Mm.

malka chana:

that, that's how we're going to impact and hopefully, you know, impact them in a, in a positive way.

Rebecca Sigala:

That is so beautiful. That is definitely how I see it, and I think it's such a beautiful mindset to have that. It's not that we have to go back to who we were, that our bodies are always changing and evolving with us on our journeys, and I think it's very beautiful in theory, but then I think a lot of women have a really hard time. Applying that practically when they're seeing the changes in real time. Do you ever work with women on their body image? Does that come up in the work that you do?

malka chana:

Definitely. So I'll give you a little insider experience to my training. So I started in the postpartum space. That was the first certification process that I went through when I was 20 years old and freshly married. And, you know, thinking about starting a family, I became a postpartum doula. So that was my first introduction into really, supporting women in their lifecycle events of womanhood, of coming

Rebecca Sigala:

Wow,

malka chana:

from giving birth and being like, what do I do with this baby? What

Rebecca Sigala:

what do I do

malka chana:

leaking from everywhere and bleeding

Rebecca Sigala:

and how could you not talk about body image like that is what's happening,

malka chana:

It's, it's it's body image and an out of body experience. So you're having an outof

Rebecca Sigala:

right?

malka chana:

experience, but you're, you know, this internal voice or external voice is telling you, you know, to connect and love to your body, but you don't even feel like it's your body. So there's so

Rebecca Sigala:

Yeah.

malka chana:

and all of that transfers into body image. Because body image, you know, when I think of that term, it's referring to an external, looking at someone's body, right? An external experience. And I think for so many of us, that's what it feels like. You're, you're looking down, you know, from somewhere else on this body that you're like, whose body is this? Whose life is this? I'm a mama. This isn't my body. I'm the 16-year-old me that I, my brain, but it's not so, so much of body image. From what I see in my field is, is more of a homecoming. It's learning to connect to our body and to really come inside and learn to love or accept or get to know this whole new terrain.

Rebecca Sigala:

Yeah, you're speaking my language like a hundred percent. I think that traditionally there is this perception of body image that it is about perception or about how other people see you or about how you physically see your own body, but it's so much deeper than that. It's really like the relationship that you have with yourself and your inner dialogue and how you treat yourself and, and yeah, how you see yourself. But it's not necessarily only on that physical level.

malka chana:

Absolutely. You know, how many of us feel that when we look in in the mirror, the way to fix our body image issues is to just, you know, say nice things to ourself in the mirror. It'll only take us so far. It'll only take us so far. In order to really shift at that perception, we have to connect. We have to

Rebecca Sigala:

Yeah,

malka chana:

and get to know this

Rebecca Sigala:

yeah,

malka chana:

you know, the new stretchy parts and squishy parts and new, new stretch marks. We have to get to know it in a much more intimate way. And through my work with sexuality and working with couples and, self touch and self exploration, that's such a big part of it because just to

Rebecca Sigala:

yeah.

malka chana:

to talk doesn't necessarily do the work enough

Rebecca Sigala:

right.

malka chana:

really shift that voice inside.

Rebecca Sigala:

Yeah. Affirmations really only go so far. I completely agree with that, and I think they can be very helpful, but only if you go through. An internal process where they're actually something that your brain can get on board with. And it's not just repeating like, I am beautiful in the mirror. Like that obviously does not work. that reminded me of a client recently in my mastermind who said something like, her first thought was, I'm looking in the mirror and I don't feel like myself. Like that's not me. And then she like took an extra moment and like touched her body and sat with herself and she's like, but it is me. and I thought that was so profound because that is like the first thing that so many people feel when their body changes postpartum. It could be postpartum, it could be after surgery, it could be as their body ages and they're like, but it's not me. But it is. And it's like having those somatic experiences and really learning how to get out of your head and in your body I think can be really, really helpful in those situations.

malka chana:

Absolutely. I could not agree more.

Rebecca Sigala:

How have we not talked before? Like what is this?

malka chana:

I think, I think we've talked just like not, you know, I mean,

Rebecca Sigala:

Yeah,

malka chana:

both

Rebecca Sigala:

exactly.

malka chana:

in the same sphere energetically, you know?

Rebecca Sigala:

Yeah, totally. I really, I really, really feel that. I know that you didn't grow up in the dati world, is that correct?

malka chana:

Yes, correct.

Rebecca Sigala:

Where'd you grow up? What was your upbringing like, and how does that inform the work that you do today?

malka chana:

So I grew up, in Miami, in South Florida, in a

Rebecca Sigala:

Nice.

malka chana:

secular world, Jewish, but like, not even from Jewish, you know, like dropped outta Hebrew school kind of level, I guess

Rebecca Sigala:

Your school drop out.

malka chana:

Hebrew school drop out. Turned like Torah teacher I guess.

Rebecca Sigala:

Love it. Were you in like Jewish youth groups and stuff like that? Like BBYO and USY.

malka chana:

not involved. Like

Rebecca Sigala:

Oh, wow.

malka chana:

was not involved. You know, we had Hanukah and we had certain holidays, but like there was always challah on the table, even if it was Pesach.'cause that's like a traditional Jewish symbol. Like, just not that

Rebecca Sigala:

Yes, I relate. I also didn't grow up religious, so I get it.

malka chana:

Jewish identity, but not, walking the traditional path, I guess. So

Rebecca Sigala:

Yeah.

malka chana:

I did it. I had my bat mitzvah. but hanging out with youth groups and having like Judaism be, my whole personality was definitely not who I was. You know? It was more of

Rebecca Sigala:

Yeah.

malka chana:

like I went to the largest public high school in America at the

Rebecca Sigala:

Wow.

malka chana:

Um, my graduating class was 1100 kids, just my class was 1100 kids. It

Rebecca Sigala:

mine was pretty similar actually. I think like 900 or a thousand, something like that. Yeah.

malka chana:

a ton. It's a ton.

Rebecca Sigala:

Yeah.

malka chana:

so Mo my school was, was over 60% Hispanic. And so when people would find out I was Jewish, you know, they'd be like, wow, you're Jewish. I'd be like, yeah, but not that Jewish. That was like always my answer.

Rebecca Sigala:

did they say that you didn't look Jewish?

malka chana:

often, often, yeah.

Rebecca Sigala:

Yeah, I got that. But you don't have a big nose. Great.

malka chana:

that stereotypical response, you know?

Rebecca Sigala:

yeah. Yeah. A hundred percent. And it's, it's so sad looking back, thinking that I almost saw that as a compliment before and now,

malka chana:

Yeah, me too.

Rebecca Sigala:

like that is totally different mindset.

malka chana:

pass without wearing, you know, my identity on my face, literally, you know,

Rebecca Sigala:

Yeah. Yeah. I'm sure that is trauma. It's beauty standards and trauma and everything mixed together.

malka chana:

it. Right. Well, I think, I think it's, it's all coming down to this perspective of feeling like we need to hide, you

Rebecca Sigala:

Yeah.

malka chana:

our, our heritage, hide our beliefs, hide how we feel inside, and that, that goes hand in hand with the concept of the, the perception of body image. That, we're just supposed to present ourselves in a certain way while there's this internal struggle with accepting who we are. And that

Rebecca Sigala:

hmm.

malka chana:

the same thing with our Jewish journeys.

Rebecca Sigala:

Yeah. Oh my gosh, a hundred percent. I think it's very, very intertwined. Okay, so you grew up not religious and you went, on your religious journey and I guess I haven't even fully put this into words for myself, but you know, being in both worlds and. Becoming more religious like when I was a young adult, and of course going on my own journey. there's a certain attitude around bodies and sexuality and women in the secular world versus the religious world. I'm curious, like how has growing up not religious and getting all the messages that you got growing up, how has that informed how you teach now from a religious perspective? Does that make sense?

malka chana:

Yeah, that's a very good question. from many angles, I think that it's actually a form of sexual abuse. This is a big turn, but actually a form of sexual abuse to be exposed to things that young minds should not be exposed

Rebecca Sigala:

Um,

malka chana:

early.

Rebecca Sigala:

um,

malka chana:

exposed to certain, um, levels of, privacy with bodies and dynamics, leaves its trauma,

Rebecca Sigala:

yeah,

malka chana:

does something of, Having it become territory that is familiar and I'm very comfortable to talk about. So having this background of feeling very comfortable from over exposure to certain things, in the world that I grew up in actually leaves me one of the gifts of all of that difficult

Rebecca Sigala:

Hmm.

malka chana:

and trauma is feeling comfortable to go there and

Rebecca Sigala:

Yeah.

malka chana:

to have a mentor that is comfortable to go there. and okay to talk about bodies and body parts and sex and sex positions and menstruation. Anything that would be considered taboo in, in any circle is super important because the more normalized the, guide, mentor, speaker. Feels in the way they're discussing these topics, that energy transfers onto the person absorbing it. That level of normalization and feeling that this is okay, and this is normal and this is

Rebecca Sigala:

Yeah.

malka chana:

is super important. And I find that within the religious world, that's very important. And within the non-religious world too. Um, one of the things that I have found in my work of kind of having one foot in both worlds there's this assumption in the religious world that if someone grew up secular, that they know everything. And

Rebecca Sigala:

Mm

malka chana:

this assumption that if

Rebecca Sigala:

About like sexuality, you're saying?

malka chana:

Yeah, about sexuality, sex, you know, how things work, men, women, all, all the things, right? That they've been exposed to everything.

Rebecca Sigala:

Yeah.

malka chana:

this other perception that if someone grew up from, from birth that they know nothing. They don't know

Rebecca Sigala:

Mm-hmm.

malka chana:

about sex or, you know, sexual encounters or dynamics. And there's really missing information from both sides. So in the work that I do, I have women that, come to my courses from all different backgrounds, from reform to renewal, to, I don't have a label to

Rebecca Sigala:

Hmm. That's amazing.

malka chana:

they're from everywhere.

Rebecca Sigala:

I love that.

malka chana:

them the same content. Why? Because everyone, you know, I like, I think of it as. Our education is often like Swiss cheese, there's like holes everywhere. And

Rebecca Sigala:

Um,

malka chana:

from the beginning and we go through all of the information, you know, on how our bodies work as women

Rebecca Sigala:

yeah,

malka chana:

systems and our sexuality and our relationships with our partners, when we go through it from the beginning, it allows people to fill in like those holes in their, education without feeling shame because you don't have to

Rebecca Sigala:

yeah,

malka chana:

well, I don't know what that is and I'm supposed to,'cause I grew up religious and I've been having sex since I was blah, blah, blah. No, it doesn't work that way. So,

Rebecca Sigala:

yeah, yeah. I mean, I totally relate to that. I feel like, yeah, there was so much exposure, but that doesn't mean that we were taught how to love ourselves or positive body image, or having autonomy of our body and our sexuality, or walking into sexuality in an empowered way, like. You know, okay, so great, there's exposure, but are we actually having the conversations that we need to be having?

malka chana:

Absolutely. You know, when I think back to, to sex ed and, you know, middle school and high school,

Rebecca Sigala:

Yeah.

malka chana:

school, what were they focusing on in our public school environment? A couple things. The main one being how to not get impregnated by a boy.

Rebecca Sigala:

Yep.

malka chana:

to not get pregnant. That was their, that was their main agenda, right? No speaking about female pleasure, female bodies. women's empowerment or consent. It was more of like, this is how you use a condom practice abstinence. You

Rebecca Sigala:

What grade were you when you had sex ed for the first time? I remember being like in fourth grade

malka chana:

I think I was in

Rebecca Sigala:

I,

malka chana:

or fifth grade. Yeah,

Rebecca Sigala:

and I remember like they separated us and it was like I, there was this like tinge of shame or something. I don't know. It's so interesting.

malka chana:

stomach and

Rebecca Sigala:

Yeah,

malka chana:

butterflies in your stomach make you feel like, is there something wrong with me? Or like, am I a

Rebecca Sigala:

yeah.

malka chana:

for something? Are people gonna wanna get me pregnant like this, this

Rebecca Sigala:

Wow. Yeah.

malka chana:

um, is

Rebecca Sigala:

else that I didn't even like realize and it's bringing up all these feelings in my body and then there's nowhere for it to go.'cause there's just like these very surface level, quick movies, conversations. That's it. You know? And I think what you do and what I do is like open up these very deep conversations and opportunities for people to actually heal and step into a empowered version of themselves.

malka chana:

Absolutely. You know, there's taking the information on a very surface level and then there's taking it deeper, like what you said. So when we're taught just, you know, how to avoid getting pregnant, and we're taught about, you know, eating disorders or we're taught about drinking and driving. We're taught all those things in the public school system on a very surface level. But are we getting

Rebecca Sigala:

Yeah.

malka chana:

underneath that? Why, why

Rebecca Sigala:

Mm-hmm.

malka chana:

like self-medicating via alcohol? Why

Rebecca Sigala:

Yeah.

malka chana:

have eating disorders from this distortion that is put on them, that there's something wrong with their bodies and their bodies is their enemy? Like there's

Rebecca Sigala:

Yeah,

malka chana:

deeper level. It's not just to, you know, expose and describe these different things that pre-teens and teens go through. We gotta take it to the next level. Where's this coming from? Where is this

Rebecca Sigala:

yeah.

malka chana:

coming from? Because that, that's the mental health piece. They don't

Rebecca Sigala:

Yeah.

malka chana:

know how certain things work, like what is going on in our minds and our bodies to help us feel supported as we're going through these rocky stages of becoming the next version of ourselves, of becoming women.

Rebecca Sigala:

Yes. Yeah. Wow. I'm really feeling that gap right now. Like, ugh, something needs to change there. And people ask me all the time, okay, I wanna pass on a positive body image to my kids. And I definitely have a certain perspective on that. And I'm curious if ours are similar. How do people pass on a positive body image, a positive sexuality, a connected relationship with themselves and their bodies to their kids? What would you say? I am thinking that it will be a similar answer, but I'm excited to hear yours.

malka chana:

pressure. No pressure, but I think it is definitely all in the hands of the mama.

Rebecca Sigala:

Hmm.

malka chana:

The amount of women that are saying, you know, can I send my daughter to you so you can teach her? Maybe, maybe at some point I'll do that. I wanna be working with is the mother. I want to help her feel

Rebecca Sigala:

Yeah.

malka chana:

her body and get to know her sexuality and

Rebecca Sigala:

Hmm.

malka chana:

that her body is, you know, the, the rushing river of life that has moved through her and carved her valleys and canyons and stretch marks is a beautiful work of art.

Rebecca Sigala:

Beautiful.

malka chana:

we get the mom. To really internalize that because if the mother really internalizes that huge invitation of inner work, of self-love and comfortable sexually and releasing that shame and taboo that is inside of us, that is what impacts our children more than anything. Because just like, you know, talking to our body in the mirror isn't necessarily doing the depth of the job. It's the same thing with our children. If we're just talking the talk, our kids can smell it out if we haven't actually embodied the words coming out of our mouth. So I have devoted my life to working with the mother to help her

Rebecca Sigala:

Yes.

malka chana:

for herself. And then organically it transfers onto our children. Of course, there's certain, you know, I have, you know, a book on how mothers can teach their daughters about menstruation. I have a children's book coming out in two months, um, of the

Rebecca Sigala:

oh, wow. That's amazing.

malka chana:

For, for younger girls that are not pre-teens, to slowly expose them to menstruation, there's what to do there. And at

Rebecca Sigala:

Yes.

malka chana:

the mama, we gotta embody that work. We have to

Rebecca Sigala:

Yeah.

malka chana:

energetic and physical example of what we want for our daughters and our sons.

Rebecca Sigala:

Yeah. a hundred percent. That's exactly my answer, exactly my answer. It really all starts with us, and I know that there were points on my own journey, specifically with body image, where I wasn't fully embodying it. I had the value. I was like, yes, this is what I wanna pass down. I don't wanna pass on the shit that I've carried with me. But then I would like, you know, secretly weigh myself every day and secretly go on a diet and like be nervous when I was in pictures and. That was one of the turning points for me when I realized, wait, like this is not actually working. Like if I want to pass this on, I have to embody it and that doesn't mean we're gonna be perfect. And you know, people always say like, oh, your kids are so lucky that they have you as a mom. I'm like, believe me, I'm sure I'm messing up in other areas. You know, like we can't be perfect human beings, but there is something so powerful about embodying this healthy relationship with yourself that you don't even need to say words. Like you can just be you and that will translate. And words, like you said, there's stuff to do there. And you could take a course with your daughter or your son, or you could read them a book and you can have all the words, but if you don't believe it, if you don't embody it, it just doesn't land the same way.

malka chana:

Absolutely.

Rebecca Sigala:

Yeah.

malka chana:

That's one of the most beautiful things of motherhood and parenthood is that our children, whether they realize it or not, are encouraging us to do that big inner work to actually internalize, becoming who we wanna be.

Rebecca Sigala:

Oh yeah, for sure. They are our greatest teachers, that's for sure. I feel like when you talk about these things, you just know them, like they're so deeply personal to you. And if you feel comfortable sharing, I'd love to hear about what your journey was like releasing that shame and stepping into the woman that you are today.

malka chana:

Um, it hasn't all been released, that's for

Rebecca Sigala:

Um,

malka chana:

for sure. It's a constant journey and every time

Rebecca Sigala:

I mean, that makes sense. I meant more just like the process of it. I don't think that there's like a,

malka chana:

of

Rebecca Sigala:

you know, end and I'm healed and there's no shame and, you know, but like. I guess yes. Like more of like, Yeah. What's that journey like for you and has it gone alongside the work that you do? Did it start beforehand? Like love to hear anything that you feel comfortable sharing? I,

malka chana:

Absolutely. One of the aspects of being someone who did not grow up religious is being tuva and wanting to feel that you fit into the world that you wanna be a part of.

Rebecca Sigala:

mm

malka chana:

comes to mind is very much like the story of the Little Mermaid. Like she wants to

Rebecca Sigala:

mm.

malka chana:

a part of that world, I feel like

Rebecca Sigala:

Wow. Good metaphor. That is good.

malka chana:

And that was my favorite movie as a kid. Like, no surprise, like,

Rebecca Sigala:

So cute.

malka chana:

my life turned out. It makes perfect sense, right? She wants to be a part of that world and part of being able to be a part of that world is accepting where she came from and who she wants to be. part of my experience of wanting to bring godliness into my life, uh, was learning to walk the walk of the religious world looking a certain way, speaking a certain way, having certain interests, living to a certain timeline, having a certain number of kids. There's all these external pressures, whether they're actually there or they're perceived to be there, that, um, create a lot of internal pressure. And

Rebecca Sigala:

Right.

malka chana:

own

Rebecca Sigala:

Especially, I mean, I don't know if you relate to this, but like especially when you grew up a certain way and you're like, that's not what I want. And for me, I was like actually feeling like I was trying to do the opposite or like run away from it. There was shame there and I wanted to do the right thing, and so I very much threw myself into the religious world in a way where, yeah, I think I kind of lost myself a little bit at first.

malka chana:

Absolutely. I, I think a lot of people have that experience in my, in my journey. I felt it. I was really lucky the first, uh, orthodox interaction I had in my university was with, uh, an orthodox rabbi and his wife and his family that were actually a product of Bat Ayin. So I was,

Rebecca Sigala:

Oh wow.

malka chana:

only introduced to like the religious hippie version of this person I already was,

Rebecca Sigala:

Oh wow.

malka chana:

which

Rebecca Sigala:

That's amazing. And very rare.

malka chana:

was very cool. And yeah, and it just, it, I was already that vibe and that energy and then there was the bringing the consciousness and structure to it, you know, rather than meditating on eating a strawberry slowly, so you feel, you know, in tune it was like say a bracha. So it was like the same energy of, from my experience, who I was, with bringing Hashem into my life. So with my own journey of releasing shame, like what you were asking, I feel that on my religious path, there was question of am I living my life to try to look like I fit into a certain world? Or am I living my

Rebecca Sigala:

Um,

malka chana:

a way of why I became religious observant in the first place of really wanting to honor Hashem And once the noise from the outside of, communal expectations or what the package religious person is supposed to look like or talk like, et

Rebecca Sigala:

yeah.

malka chana:

and it just becomes this personal relationship with hashem. I. Honoring Hashem, am I bringing Hashem's energy into this world? Am I

Rebecca Sigala:

Um.

malka chana:

proud? Once that became the only person in the audience, it changed everything

Rebecca Sigala:

Yeah.

malka chana:

was given this body in its perfection. And whatever form it is taking, however it shifts, is 100% how Hashem intended. And I want to say thank you. I want to say thank you for that and learning to, love my body the way that I feel. Hashem loves me and loves my body and thinks that, it's a beautiful vessel of the souls I've brought into the world. Uh, representation. That's sexuality

Rebecca Sigala:

Yeah.

malka chana:

It became an invitation of I wanna love myself as much as I know I'm loved, you know, from a

Rebecca Sigala:

Yeah.

malka chana:

And that changed everything. And it's a constant journey. And I think that that voice we have in our minds is often, a negative one from judgment. And the voice I want in my mind more is the, ever loving, unconditional love of Hashem.

Rebecca Sigala:

Hmm.

malka chana:

teach myself.

Rebecca Sigala:

Was there something that led you to that? Like was there a certain point where you're like, I'm fed up, like trying to fit into this box or like prove something to myself or others like, or did it just come kind of naturally?

malka chana:

That's a really good question. would say it has been an evolution, age, wisdom um, that we're only on this planet for a certain amount of time, and am I going to be living this life to have the approval of others or to have the approval of myself

Rebecca Sigala:

Yeah.

malka chana:

realizing that I'm gonna be who I wanna be and

Rebecca Sigala:

Hmm,

malka chana:

that doesn't have to stay around.

Rebecca Sigala:

hmm.

malka chana:

common, uh, female dynamic of growing out of that people pleaser dynamic that so many of us

Rebecca Sigala:

Yeah.

malka chana:

as, as feminine women who are naturally givers and wanting to make sure everyone around us feels comfortable. You know, can I offer you some

Rebecca Sigala:

Yeah.

malka chana:

It's like living a religious life where I'm constantly asking people, you know, can I offer you some water? Are

Rebecca Sigala:

Have you heard of like human giver syndrome?

malka chana:

so that's not

Rebecca Sigala:

Have you, have you heard of the term human giver syndrome? I think, um, from the book Burnout by Amelia Nagoski.

malka chana:

No,

Rebecca Sigala:

you heard of that?

malka chana:

like a

Rebecca Sigala:

But yeah, it's pretty much exactly what you're describing is just, yeah, like literally people pleasing and also being conditioned to just being like, that's what's good. Like, that's how you're supposed to be. That's, that's being a good person, a good woman specifically, I think.

malka chana:

Right. And I, I think that, you know, being a strong woman doesn't necessarily saying, you know, be aggressively the opposite. I think

Rebecca Sigala:

Right.

malka chana:

more, internal clarity

Rebecca Sigala:

um,

malka chana:

are and who I'm here to serve. And the only

Rebecca Sigala:

um

malka chana:

I'm here to serve is Hashem and honor my family and honor the place that I live and feel

Rebecca Sigala:

Um,

malka chana:

that's it. And

Rebecca Sigala:

um,

malka chana:

with the way that I dress or speak, or you know, what clothes I choose to wear, that's okay. We don't have

Rebecca Sigala:

yeah.

malka chana:

you

Rebecca Sigala:

Yeah. did any of those challenges come out or resurface When you started putting yourself more out there online,'cause I know that you gained a huge following and like really share so much of your beautiful life. I'm sure not everything, but it feels like you're showing up authentically as yourself and that isn't always easy. And I'm curious what that was like for you.

malka chana:

Social media has definitely been a part of that journey of highlighting those internal insecurities that we already have as women,

Rebecca Sigala:

Yeah.

malka chana:

being a vessel to really move beyond those challenges through the. The means of social media. what does that mean social media is full of trolls that are saying everything to you, that you already have a little voice in your head saying it

Rebecca Sigala:

Um,

malka chana:

every insecurity louder.

Rebecca Sigala:

um.

malka chana:

to show up authentically and continuing to become even more of yourself, which will make those trolls even louder and still moving through it. think that social media is a beautiful opportunity for personal growth because

Rebecca Sigala:

Yeah,

malka chana:

you, you can either have it tear you down or keep pushing through those troll voices, which is mirroring exactly the dynamics that we have in our own minds.

Rebecca Sigala:

right.

malka chana:

so there's definitely been times where I feel that social media has been the. Physical demonstration of the internal work that I'm doing of showing up authentically and take it or leave it.

Rebecca Sigala:

Yeah.

malka chana:

other seasons that knock you down. And I feel like I wanna be quiet. It's hard to show up. And usually it's not because of what's going on on social media, it's my own internal voice is of, judgment is coming back again. And it

Rebecca Sigala:

yeah.

malka chana:

me to just check in what is the authentic version of myself? And

Rebecca Sigala:

Yeah.

malka chana:

showing up authentically? Because being someone on social media that, you know, people would call an influencer, even though I can't stand the term at all, that I can only do it authentically. I really can't do it any

Rebecca Sigala:

What would you choose instead of influencer,

malka chana:

What would I choose instead of influencer? I don't know. It's a

Rebecca Sigala:

like teacher, educator, just what you do. Human.

malka chana:

I, I really should think about what that term should be. I would say a authentic relating, like that's not,

Rebecca Sigala:

Yeah.

malka chana:

as influencer, but it's more of authentically relating that social media has the opportunity to be either a magnifying glass for all of our insecurities or a mirror of the problems within us. And, you know, how many posts do we have saved of, oh yeah, I wanna do that exercise, or I wanna do that detox drink, or I wanna, like, you're, you're constantly saving these posts of ways that you wanna change yourself. And that was a good

Rebecca Sigala:

Right,

malka chana:

let me save it.

Rebecca Sigala:

right.

malka chana:

good. It doesn't feel good, but it's a comfortable place for many of us as women to have that, to-do list of things that are, I wanna fix the problems with myself. Right. Um, social

Rebecca Sigala:

even just listening, I mean, this is a podcast, so I shouldn't say this, but just listening to podcasts or like consuming all this content without the implementation of it, it just kind of, it feels good for a moment, but it doesn't actually make that transformation inside of us unless we make it that.

malka chana:

Absolutely. What is attracting people to get sucked in is the constant highlighting of their difficulties and their challenges and their problems, and that's the money makers highlight the problem and help them find a solution, dah, dah, dah, all

Rebecca Sigala:

Yeah.

malka chana:

very true, and I believe that women have all those answers within themselves. They just need to hear that the voice of you can do this. It's already innate inside of you. It's a perception switch. It's walking into your body and having a homecoming with what is already yours rather than changing who you are

Rebecca Sigala:

Oh my gosh, a hundred percent. I always say that.

malka chana:

and, and comfortable and normal and, creating companionship within the women kingdom. You know,

Rebecca Sigala:

Yeah.

malka chana:

together rather than creating that competition or I

Rebecca Sigala:

Divisiveness.

malka chana:

I am. Um, and social media is, is a hard space for that. So showing up authentically, it's the only way that I can do it because if not, I wear my emotions on my face. If, if I am looking like

Rebecca Sigala:

know.

malka chana:

it's obvious, you know, I can, I can really only show up, in an authentic way. And I am grateful to social media for that being in the position that I am because it's constantly making me have that pause of like, am I showing up authentically? and helping me grow.

Rebecca Sigala:

Do you ever still get nervous when you show up? Very honestly and vulnerably?

malka chana:

Absolutely, absolutely always.

Rebecca Sigala:

it feel like? Like what's the process you go through? I.

malka chana:

I ask myself in those moments, you know, if I'm changing, like I don't know if I'm going to wear my baggy jeans or half cover my hair or what, whatever it's gonna be. If I'm going to show up in a way that someone's gonna write a something, I have to take a pause for a second and I can say, okay, either I can hide, okay. And not authentically be myself and live one life off screen and one life on screen. And, but

Rebecca Sigala:

Yeah.

malka chana:

myself, am I, I living my life to check other people's boxes?

Rebecca Sigala:

Yeah.

malka chana:

am I living my life in a way to check. The boxes within myself of feeling that I am honoring Hashem, that I

Rebecca Sigala:

Hmm.

malka chana:

my family, I'm honoring myself, and if that feels aligned, the decision I'm making feels aligned with those things, then let'em comment.

Rebecca Sigala:

Yeah.

malka chana:

it.

Rebecca Sigala:

Yeah, a hundred percent. I totally am with you. And for me, I find that it seems to be layers of authenticity where. I felt for so many years I was showing up authentically and vulnerably, and I was, I was being honest. And then in the past couple years, I think I've shared more of myself and it's been even more scary. And that's when you get the backlash and the controversy and the polarization and things like that. And it's just, it's just interesting to think like, oh, I am showing up authentically. But then there could be more and deciding, you know, not just sharing for sharing's sake or just to be vulnerable because that's like a trendy thing to do, but like, yeah, really checking in with yourself and being like, does this really feel aligned with who I am and my values am I trying to like just get a rise out of people or like, is this who I am? And I think that checking in is really, really powerful. I agree that it's such a vessel for personal development.

malka chana:

Absolutely. And at the end of the day, you know, if showing up authentically and being true to our belief systems some people, then they probably shouldn't be there. And I think there's

Rebecca Sigala:

Yeah.

malka chana:

letting go

Rebecca Sigala:

I,

malka chana:

um, people didn't like me or people you know, don't wanna follow

Rebecca Sigala:

mm. Or I, for me it was always like, people misunderstand me. I feel like,'cause that, that's like a hard place to be in, where it's like, if they only really knew, you know, versus like, oh, they like me, or they don't buy, but then like, being a nuanced person and not being black and white and having certain views and having it be like, okay, yeah, this is my belief. But like if you sat down with me and like we had a conversation, then you would get it. I feel like that's a tricky place to be in because that's still in a way just wanting people to like you. You know what I mean?

malka chana:

apologizing for who we are.

Rebecca Sigala:

Yeah.

malka chana:

You know, I'll tell you the image that comes to mind is in our own reproductive systems when we're ovulating and our body releases its egg and it goes through the journey through the fallopian tube for 12 to 24 hours. You know, there's this image of the sperm kind of attacking the egg, and the egg is very passive and its experience like in a people pleasing position. I'm here, you know, do what you need to do. It's not

Rebecca Sigala:

Oh, okay. I like this.

malka chana:

Research is actually saying that the egg sends out a chemical force field that is actually choosing which sperm it wants, that the egg is actually the one that is calling the shots. In this process of fertilization, which is the

Rebecca Sigala:

Um.

malka chana:

of the female narrative that we've been taught, of being

Rebecca Sigala:

Um,

malka chana:

meeting other people's needs, that the egg is actually extremely active. But what's interesting in the energetic, clarity of boundaries that the egg has, it looks like she's doing nothing. It looks like she's doing nothing.

Rebecca Sigala:

oh wow.

malka chana:

Because she's not over functioning. She's not running back and forth. She's not trying to get people to like her. She's not saying, Hey, you come here. Like, she's not interviewing everyone. She's

Rebecca Sigala:

She is got, she's got nothing to prove.

malka chana:

It's just there and clear. This is who I am, this is

Rebecca Sigala:

Ooh.

malka chana:

You can come in and you can leave. Thank you very much. It's this total clarity of, who I am, why I am here, what I want, what I don't want. And I'm not going to over-function to show that. And I think that for me, other than my children being the greatest teachers in my life, I think

Rebecca Sigala:

Um.

malka chana:

our egg is one of the greatest teachers in our identity as women because

Rebecca Sigala:

Um,

malka chana:

that egg-ly queen energy of, total clarity on what we want and what our mission is, and attracting certain things to us and pushing away other things energetically and physically while creating something huge, with a smile on our face. Proudly such an inspiration. Such an inspiration. And

Rebecca Sigala:

Wow.

malka chana:

that's the energy of social media. We can either be going and

Rebecca Sigala:

Yes.

malka chana:

and DA or like, Nope, I am the egg. This is who I am. This is what I

Rebecca Sigala:

Mm-hmm.

malka chana:

you can walk

Rebecca Sigala:

I feel like that can be translated to so many different parts of our lives. Is this something that you think about and you apply to other parts of your life as well?

malka chana:

Absolutely. Absolutely. And that's the beauty of learning about our bodies and reproductive systems in the work that I do, because I'm not just teaching a biology class. Our bodies are there created from Hashem. They're teaching us huge lessons. There are huge Torahs in why our body works the way it does. So again, it's not just gaining information. There's deep lessons on how. We have the potential to show up as women by learning our reproductive systems. And this eggl-y energy can be put in so many different aspects of our life. You know, it's, it is the ultimate, female challenge of creating boundaries and clarity and putting our

Rebecca Sigala:

Yeah.

malka chana:

and, um,

Rebecca Sigala:

Right, right. yeah. Wow. That is absolutely beautiful. I love that. So if somebody is listening to this and they're like, this all sounds amazing. I feel so inspired. I want to. Have clarity about who I am. I wanna embody my values. I want to be more authentically me and stop proving myself to whoever I'm trying to prove myself to. what advice would you give to a woman listening to this who wants to start embodying some of this stuff instead of just this being another podcast that they listen to?

malka chana:

Absolutely. So to the women who are listening, the answers are already within you. It's not outside of you. It's

Rebecca Sigala:

Yes.

malka chana:

a new cleanse. It's

Rebecca Sigala:

Yeah.

malka chana:

a new workout routine. It's not a new book. It's not a new this. It's not, it's not something outside of you that you need to be grabbing.

Rebecca Sigala:

Yep.

malka chana:

have a homecoming. It's time to come home.

Rebecca Sigala:

Yes.

malka chana:

to learn what you have, why you have it. Start to listen to our bodies and how it works, which are giving us the biggest life lessons. it's learning and internalizing that the evolutions we go through as women and the skins that we are constantly shedding, our bodies are literally constantly changing is not a weakness, it's a power. And being able to lean into those female life cycle events from a place of wisdom and empowerment and excitement rather than from a place of fear or avoidance is the key. And if women want that support, I'm happy to provide them with it. I have my book on the horizon, which is women evolving into the stage of perimenopause rather than having it be. Scary thing. You know, it's learning what's coming and the wisdom that's coming and the

Rebecca Sigala:

What age is perimenopause, by the way? I'm like, when do I have to start thinking about this?

malka chana:

it's a huge spectrum. You know, everyone experiences those years of perimenopause could be, you know, up to 10 years. So I usually encourage women to start learning about these things from the age of 35.

Rebecca Sigala:

Yeah.

malka chana:

on their

Rebecca Sigala:

Makes sense.

malka chana:

But I like to know what's coming before I'm in it, you know?

Rebecca Sigala:

Yeah,

malka chana:

wrote this book. I did, I did my research and, and again, it's the same thing. It's not just learning on a technical, anatomical, chemical level. What's happening, what is the evolution of, myself as a woman, exactly

Rebecca Sigala:

yeah,

malka chana:

We're both in our late thirties, I think, right? And

Rebecca Sigala:

yeah.

malka chana:

evolution of being true to myself and my boundaries, and not just giving out all the time, but really holding in and where's my energy going? Like that is the evolution of ourselves from our childbearing years into the wise woman that is the

Rebecca Sigala:

Um.

malka chana:

that we are already in. Whether it's happening on a hormonal level or not, that's what's happening.

Rebecca Sigala:

The wise woman, is that like an archetype that you use? I like that,

malka chana:

Um, I just believe in it. No, I

Rebecca Sigala:

yeah.

malka chana:

or anything, but yeah, I believe that, you know, when I think of a wise woman, I think of an older woman with streaks of gray hair who is

Rebecca Sigala:

Mm-hmm.

malka chana:

and, you know, doesn't, like jabber all the time. She's just clear in what she wants and what she wants to say, and she's grounded and she has total clarity in what her purpose is in this world. And

Rebecca Sigala:

Right,

malka chana:

I really feel we're all going. That is the invitation of this next stage. I.

Rebecca Sigala:

right. I really like that and I like how you intertwine our evolution as women and in our healing journeys and in our stories and our wisdom. Also with the evolution of our bodies. That's so something that has always been. So true to me. And when you describe that older woman who is grounded and has gray hair and wrinkles and like that is just, it just can become something in our minds that is so beautiful. And switching that mindset I think is just incredibly empowering. So thank you for sharing that with us today.

malka chana:

Absolutely. Absolutely. And that's our journey as the mothers, but then our daughters are also going through a huge journey. They're getting initiated into these

Rebecca Sigala:

Yeah.

malka chana:

into womanhood, and that's its

Rebecca Sigala:

Right.

malka chana:

uh, existential experience as well. So being

Rebecca Sigala:

Yeah.

malka chana:

space for our daughters and view their menstruating years also as a different type of initiation is our work as women. It's not this like, it's gonna hurt. Here's a pad. Good luck. It's deeper than that. What is the existential and psychological shifts that she's gonna be going through? What is it to become a woman? How can we

Rebecca Sigala:

Um,

malka chana:

her becoming a woman? It's deeper than the biological, and we

Rebecca Sigala:

your, your work is very centered around these stages and cycles that we go through. Is there like a,

malka chana:

runs us. That's our compass.

Rebecca Sigala:

it's everything. Is there like something that is always the same for us in those transitions, or is it just the fact that there is always those transitions and the change and evolution is inevitable?

malka chana:

The constant as change is evolving is our bodies are always doing what they're supposed to be doing,

Rebecca Sigala:

Yes.

malka chana:

brains are, are moving against the current learning to trust our bodies and move with our bodies and move through these transitions. Learning to line up our agendas with the way our body is speaking. That is our constant. But society has, groomed us differently to erase

Rebecca Sigala:

Yes.

malka chana:

to push through, to move at the speed of the masculine. And women have been indoctrinated with not to trust our bodies. We've

Rebecca Sigala:

Yes, yes.

malka chana:

them, to hate them, to change them, to not honor aging,

Rebecca Sigala:

Control them.

malka chana:

our aging, to erase our periods. were a mess. And the real answer to fixing the feminine collective energy is again, to come home into our bodies. To trust this process and to

Rebecca Sigala:

Yeah.

malka chana:

the waves that our body is, is the lighthouse that is always shining where we need to go, but our brains are running all over the place. It's, it's a homecoming.

Rebecca Sigala:

Yeah. Absolutely. That is such a beautiful way to sum it all up. So you were saying a little bit about how people can find you, what is going on in your world right now, and how can people find you and work with you?

malka chana:

So my handle is bohemianbalabusta. You can find me on Instagram and you can like, and follow things. So you can keep in, in sync with the offers I'm providing. I currently have a children's book that is coming out in November, which is teaching younger children about menstruation. it's from the eyes of a daughter watching how her mother menstruates and how she takes care of

Rebecca Sigala:

Wow.

malka chana:

menstruating and how she rests and she sleeps when she's tired and she eats when she's hungry. Like

Rebecca Sigala:

Oh,

malka chana:

you know,

Rebecca Sigala:

I can't wait to get that. I'm so excited.

malka chana:

that's called, that's called My Mommy's Moon Time. and that will be coming

Rebecca Sigala:

Oh, that's so cute. Oh my gosh. I have to get that. I have a 6-year-old who asks me so much about my period, like every single time it happens. And I mean, she doesn't see it every single time, but whenever she notices something, she asks about it. And she also loves the moon. She's named it Moony. So I feel like this is gonna be a really good book for her. I'm excited.

malka chana:

Amazing. Amazing. So I have my children's book that's coming out, normalizing menstruation for younger girls. I have my mother's guide to teaching sacred menstruation for preteen girls and for mothers that are moving into their next stage. I have my book on the horizon, which is teaching the wisdom that is coming with perimenopause and menopause in addition

Rebecca Sigala:

Oh,

malka chana:

going down.

Rebecca Sigala:

wow.

malka chana:

all lined up.

Rebecca Sigala:

Yeah. Beautiful. So amazing. Thank you so much for being on here today. I just know that women are gonna get so much from what you shared and yeah, thank you. You're awesome. I

malka chana:

Thank you for having me.