Why Am I Still Struggling With How I Look?

In this episode, we explore the deeper layers of body image struggles - the kind that don’t disappear with affirmations or logic. We unpack why it’s not just in your head, how shame keeps you stuck, and how cultural messages are ingrained in us from a young age.

This isn’t about blame.

It’s about meeting yourself with compassion - and finally understanding why you still feel this way, even when you “know better.”

If you’ve ever asked, “Why am I still here?” - this one’s for you.

For more details and to apply for The New Sexy: https://www.rebeccasigalacoaching.com/the-new-sexy

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Transcript

Rebecca Sigala: 0:00

Hey, gorgeous. Welcome back to The Body Image Revolution. We are almost halfway through June and the doors to the New Sexy Mastermind have officially been opened. There are some incredible women coming through those doors. I just know this round is gonna be so epic, so powerful, so revolutionary. And if you're new here or you just want all the juicy details, then definitely stick around to the end of this episode because I'm gonna fill you all in and we're gonna have so much fun. And if you're like, what in the world is she talking about? Well, The New Sexy Mastermind is my signature program. It's completely virtual. So anywhere in the world that you are, you can join. It's 12 weeks, and it's an intimate journey for women who are self-aware. They're already on their healing journeys. They've already done so much of the inner work, but they're still looking in the mirror and clashing with their inner critic. They want to fully embrace their bodies and start really loving who and what they see when they look in the mirror. We're gonna feel sexy AF and cultivate unwavering body confidence no matter what. The kind of self-love that really creates a ripple effect in your own life, but also the lives of your loved ones, your community, your students, your clients. Truly breaking generational cycles and changing the way that we've all been taught to see our bodies and beauty and sexuality. It really is just revolutionary. I don't have any other words for it, and I can't wait to share more with you at the end of this episode. But in the meantime, I'm just gonna hop into our topic of the day because it's one that really comes up a lot and it's so important. So many women who talk to me, don't really understand why they are struggling with their body image. They're like, I don't get it. Why am I still struggling with this? Wasn't I supposed to stop dealing with this when I was a teenager or maybe in my twenties? Why am I still so focused on this. They had a great childhood or maybe no one ever really made them feel badly about their body, or they had a lot of friends, or they had never been in a larger body. So their brain is coming up with all of these ideas about why they shouldn't be struggling with their body image and they're wondering why, why am I still looking in the mirror and I'm struggling with what I see? I don't wanna be here anymore. This came up the other day when I had a coaching session with one of my amazing clients who actually joined the New Sexy, and we were having a very special one-on-one, and she shared this incredible win with me and I was like, oh my God, that's amazing. Like literally my jaw dropped, and then she said."But yeah, I know like I am proud of myself, but anyone who would hear this would be like, why is that such a big deal? I mean, nobody is judging me the way that I judge myself." No one is judging me the same way I judge myself. How many times have we heard that phrase or variations of it and I think it's supposed to be helpful. It definitely is supposed to be helpful, but I actually have a couple issues with it. Firstly, it's still relying on what other people think or don't think in order to be okay with yourself. And secondly, and specifically with this client, what I heard in her sentiment was this self-judgment. Essentially, she was saying, if no one even cares about my appearance, why am I still wrapped up in it? It must be self-imposed. And when I brought that up, she really did resonate with that saying that she kind of felt like she had put herself in this self-imposed cage and that there was no real reason she should be struggling with her body image at this point in her life, as she turned 60 years old. And I think a lot of people think like as we get older, we just get more confident and, we don't give a fuck anymore. But what I found and what she agreed with as well is that's not true either. You don't just wake up one day with body confidence or with self-love. It's truly an internal process that we have to go through, especially because nobody taught us how to do it. So anyway, this is definitely not the first time that I've heard these sentiments. So many women feel like they're crazy for struggling with their body image, that they should just be confident and get over it already. That they shouldn't be focused on these things that are not even important. But that is exactly what's stopping you from improving your relationship with your body because you want more love, right? You want more self-compassion, but then you're meeting yourself with judgment and self-criticism. And when you do that, you can't move forward like that. You can't hate yourself into a version of yourself that you love. And as annoying and cliche as that might sound, you need to meet yourself with compassion first. There's just no way around it. Shaming yourself into loving yourself is not possible. Believe me, I understand it so, so deeply. There are parts of me that still do that sometimes, perhaps not with body image stuff because I've definitely come a very long way in that department. But in other parts of my healing where I think I should be further along or I wonder why I am still dealing with that same shit, the same patterns that just keep coming up. And I really think that it's a natural part of healing in general. And it's so important to have an awareness of what it is. Am I actually being hard on myself for being hard on myself? Yes. It's so ironic, but what I always like to say and even tell myself in those moments is that these things are coming up for a reason. It doesn't mean that we've gone back, it doesn't mean that we aren't far along on our healing journey. It just means that these things are coming up for a reason, as an opportunity for us to go deeper and to get to know ourselves even better. So going back to that thing where people say that nobody's judging you the way that you judge yourself, that no one really cares. No one notices that thing that you're insecure about, there might be some truth to that fact. That people don't always notice the things that we do because we can really be our harshest critics. But it's also not totally authentic or honest to say that nobody cares or notices. Our body insecurities didn't just come out of thin air. We were not born hating our bodies. Somewhere. Someone along the way made us feel differently than how we felt when we were born because we really were not born hating our bodies. And whatever happened made us second guess our bodies and our appearance. It made us feel like we were a problem to be fixed or maybe a pretty thing to be maintained. And it doesn't just happen to people in larger bodies, it happens to everybody. Everybody has a story about when they first became aware that something might be wrong about their bodies or that their body or appearance was what made them worthy of love and admiration. Whether it was someone saying something directly to you like a direct body shaming comment, which is obvious, but even more likely, which happened to me and I've definitely had direct comments, but way more indirect comments where we get that message loud and clear that we are not enough as we are. And it could just be someone comparing someone to another person or someone saying something negative about their own body or messages that we saw on the media, and then we start comparing ourselves to that. So that's what I would call indirect messaging or indirect body shaming. And if you're within the beauty standard, you're amazing and beautiful, but you better keep that up. You better maintain that. And then if you're not, you must spend your whole life, your entire brain space, all of your resources, all of your power to"fix" that, because otherwise you're just not going to be as accepted or as beautiful or as successful, you'll never find a man who will be attracted to you. You won't be as healthy. The list just goes on and on. Obviously it's not true, but that's the message that we get and we feel like this really has to be our main priority and one of our top focuses. And of course, it's not so simple as if you just fit into the beauty standard or not, because there's a huge range and beauty is not objective. And we live in a society where people feel that they are just allowed to comment on somebody else's body or appearance. And oftentimes, even though it's well intentioned, like maybe it's meant to be a compliment. These comments always point to how entrenched society is in diet culture and beauty standards. Like for example, if you saw a picture of me when I was younger, I was not a big kid and I was really teased for my size. I was on the shorter side. I wasn't super thin, but I also wasn't in a larger body. And yet I was called a fat Jewish pig. I felt like I was too big for dance class. I didn't think my body was good enough for a bikini or a belly shirt. I got comments about my body and my appearance that really stuck with me. And then when I lost weight, I continued to get these comments. And I do wanna point out that even if I was in a larger body, I should have not received those comments either. But I think it just really shows that it doesn't really matter what size you are or, how society is supposed to see you. Being a woman in this world, being a person in this world means that we are affected and impacted by all of this. But I could get to my adult life and say, I was never really big. I always had a roof over my head. My parents always told me I was beautiful. Boys were interested in me. My husband is so attracted to me. Why was I still struggling with my body image when I was in my early twenties? But then if you really think about it and you think about all the experiences that I just shared with you before, how could I not, how could I not still be struggling with my body image when society intertwines our worth with our body size so, so deeply. When the majority of conversations that I was hearing growing up were about bodies and dieting and who gained weight and who lost weight. When TV and media and movies all portrayed that main character as thin, within the beauty standard, the one that got the guy and there were all these terrible biases against anyone who didn't fit that standard. So without even mentioning my personal experiences, we just live in a world that disempowers women and benefits greatly and often profits off of our insecurities, our self-doubt, and our lack of internal power. These messages start so, so young, and with the emergence of even more accessible weight loss drugs and cosmetic enhancements and surgeries, I hate to say, but I don't believe that it's gotten better. Only sneakier only hidden behind performative body positivity and performative feminism while quietly idolizing thinness and beauty standards. So no, there's no reason why you should just be confident". There's no reason why you should just fully embrace your body and know exactly how to love yourself. We have never been given that framework and we face so many challenges on a daily basis that disconnects us from our body and disconnects us from our power. And the truth is not everybody is judging you. But some people are, and that doesn't mean they're correct or that it's true. Of course, it's a reflection of where society is and where their own relationship with themselves and their own body is. But what I help my clients do is not to just pretend that people don't care. That's not the goal. The goal is to change the way that we think about beauty, the way we think about bodies and ourselves, so that their opinion or judgments of us don't greatly impact us. They don't change the way we see ourselves. They don't change our confidence or our self love. Their judgments, and if you think about this, their judgments will only sting when there's a part of ourselves that believes that there's something true about their judgment. Where we agree or we even partially agree with them, it just hits that insecurity within us. So what our work is, is to really identify where we're at. But the key here is to do that with love and compassion. Otherwise, like I said before, we're not gonna get very far. Uncovering the experiences that formed our thoughts and beliefs and feelings about ourselves isn't about blaming anyone. Like some people will say that when you talk about these things, it's like you're stuck in the past or you're being a victim, and I hate that. I hate when people say that because that's actually what keeps us in the loop of self-hate and toxic positivity. We have to be willing to look at ourselves so that we can understand ourselves better and say, Hey. Oh my God, girl, it makes so much sense that you internalized those beliefs about yourself and about your body. It makes so much sense that you're subconsciously still dealing with them today. And no, they're not gonna just go away with affirmations and positivity. They need to be seen and heard and understood and transformed so that you can actually start to walk through the world with new eyes and new confidence. Self-awareness is so amazing and liberating and empowering because you know yourself better than anybody else. Your triggers have less power over you, your subconscious, or sometimes not so subconscious, beliefs no longer drive the car of your life. It gives you just this opportunity for freedom. This opportunity to actually release them and release the hold of these judgments and start to change the way that you truly see yourself. There's nothing like reclaiming that power, and it all starts with compassion. True compassion, not blame, not pity, not resignation. But really understanding yourself and why you are where you are. Seeing where your strengths lie, and also appreciating the gaps of where you'd like to evolve, knowing that you've been worthy all along, and now it's just about time that you start seeing that too. Start feeling that in your body. This is actually the first step of my method in the New Sexy Mastermind. It's called Meet Yourself Where You Are. It's where we lovingly uncover what's actually blocking you from unwavering body confidence. We uproot those thoughts and beliefs and all the things that might be holding you back so that you can begin to shift and release them and create a vision for your future self. The New Sexy Mastermind is incredible. As I was saying in the beginning, it's my 12 week signature program for self-aware women like you, already well and deep on their healing journeys. It's for women who desire to finally stop clashing with their inner critic and embody what they logically know, but haven't truly felt in their bodies yet, that they are beautiful and worthy, and all the mind chatter is just stopping them from what's around the corner, which is fully embracing their bodies being present in their bodies and in their lives, and having the ability to pass on that body love to their loved ones and everyone around them, even the world at large. If this sounds like you and you're like, why the fuck am I still here? I get it. I really do, babe, and I'm here to take you to that next level that's waiting for you. The New Sexy is going to be starting the second week of July. There are two more weeks left to apply. So definitely apply if this is calling your name and you're like, maybe this is my next step. It's really cool because once you fill out the application, you'll be directed to a discovery call, and that's where we will really explore together if this is your next step and if we are a good fit to work together. The New Sexy is really unique because I think a lot of what we hear in the body image space or confidence space is just like, okay, you can either change your body or lose weight in order to feel confident or your body is the least interesting thing about you. But what The New Sexy does is help women fully embrace their bodies, as they feel sexy and radiant and connected to their beauty and their sexuality as they do it. You don't have to not care about feeling beautiful and feeling sexy in order to fully embrace your body. And you don't have to do it on society's terms. You don't have to fit into a beauty standard, or control your body, or try to shape your body in a way that everybody else expects out of you in order to love your body. And that is what we do in The New Sexy. It is really something that I have personally never seen before and it combines not only education, and modules, and mindset work, and coaching, but also embodiment where we actually take all of that mindset work and all of that knowledge that we have accrued over the years and within the program and start to implement it in our lives so that we can show up and truly become that person. That next version of ourselves that truly feels confident AF that feels sexy in her skin without needing anything outside of yourself in order to feel that way. I am so excited. I know that this round is gonna be absolutely amazing, so feel free to head to the show notes where you can get more information. You can apply. Book a discovery call. And we will explore everything together so that you can start living life on your own terms, reclaiming your body, your power, and just letting go of the opinions and thoughts that society has imposed on us and put into our brains without our permission. I hope you enjoyed this episode. If you are feeling it, go ahead and rate the podcast, leave a review, or even just email me your thoughts. I'd absolutely love to hear from you all. Have a great day. I'll talk to you all soon.