Is It Self-Respect or Self-Denial?

In this solo episode, I unpack what we’ve been taught about “self-respect” — and how it often leads to abandoning ourselves. This is an empowering reframe of what true self-respect can actually look like in your daily life — and honestly, it can change everything.

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Transcript

Rebecca Sigala: 0:01

Hey, gorgeous. Welcome back to the Body Image Revolution. I'm just sitting here looking out at this absolutely gorgeous spring day. I'm so happy. I'm so happy it's spring. It's Taurus season. My birthday is coming up. There's such good vibes around here, and I'm so happy to be talking to you guys. I love that I'm getting back into the flow of podcast episodes, and I'm grateful that you're here with me today. Today, I want to talk about self-respect. R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Find out what it means to me. Did you guys hear that snap? Are you guys ready? Because this is a life-changing concept. It's something I've shared with my clients and I've cultivated for myself over the years because we've all been given this message. This message that self-respect is about being a quote-unquote respectable person in the eyes of others. But what I found is that it's often self-denial. And let me explain why. We're taught that self-respect means to be modest and polite and not taking up too much space and not asking too much. Especially for women, self-respect has historically been tied to how we express desire, whether it's for sex, attention, food, power, or pleasure. Just think about it. I mean, the first thing that comes to mind for me is dressing modestly. And in my eyes, dressing modestly could be a form of self-respect, but it could also be the opposite. When we're focused on these messages that we've received, we might not want to invite the quote unquote wrong kind of attention, or we're concerned about how other people think of us. And we'll get a little bit more into my definition of self-respect. So maybe you can understand this concept more fully, but that's one example. Another one is saying no to second helping even if you're hungry because it's ladylike to eat less or eat certain kinds of foods which reminds me of my first date ever I think I was like 13 years old and we went to Applebee's and I ordered a salad because that was like what was the right thing the attractive the ladylike thing to do which is just so funny looking back first of all can't believe I was on a first date at 13 years old but secondly these messages are so pervasive and they began with So that's another example. confidence, you don't come across that way. And it's really a whole other topic for another time. But being too confident is not the problem that we have in this world today. And then lastly, You might be hiding your sexuality because it's not seen as classy or respectable. So this idea of self-respect has really been used as a tool for control. People often say, have some self-respect. And when I hear that, it's kind of code for don't be too much and I'm shaming you. It's really used to shame people, especially women who dress a certain way or speak a certain way. Perhaps they're owning their bodies and their choices and people just don't like that. It's just another way to keep women in line and following the rules. I see that society also connects self-respect to external validation, which is something that I've been talking a lot about lately. We're told that we need to earn a self-respect by achieving certain standards that have been set out by society, like the quote-unquote perfect body, the perfect career, the perfect relationship, or a good reputation. So I wonder if you're on to me and you're already realizing what my new definition of self-respect is. Hint, hint, it is no It's not external and it's not conditional. It's not something that's earned from other people. The message we get is that you'll be respected if you behave in a certain way. But true self-respect, for me, it's simple. It's respect for self, the mind, the body, the soul, your desires, your needs, your boundaries, your voice. It's honoring all the parts of you, even the ones that have been shamed and silenced and overlooked by people, by society. Personally, I see self-respect as a deep devotion to your wholeness and not who you were told to be, but who you truly are. It's a lot like self-love in my eyes. It's not abandoning yourself when everything and everyone tells you that you should be or do something that just does not feel aligned, that doesn't feel like you, that you know isn't right for you. And the cool thing about self-respect is that the more you give it to yourself, the more you have it for yourself. The more you honor your needs and desires, the more you feel worthy of it and see yourself as someone who does that. We just finished the last round of the new sexy and this theme of self-respect has been such a big one because every single one of us in that group has gotten that message that women are supposed to look and act and be a certain way. And when you put religion into the mix, it just becomes very confusing. That's why I love one of my recent episodes, which is called the holiness of seeing your own light. It's with a Torah educator and healer. Her name is Raizel Devorah. And I love what she said about modesty. She said that authenticity of a soul is considered utter royalty. It's pure light. So when we talk about dressing in a way that befits us, it isn't actually about how other people think we should dress. It's about being our authentic selves and expressing ourselves that way. She even mentioned that dress codes can be like anti-modesty because everybody looks the same. To quote her, she said that dress codes is not having the permission to express your authentic creativity, your light, and your energy. And that's just where so much of the world has gotten it wrong. And it's not just the religious world. This self-respect thing is everywhere. I didn't even grow up religious and I received that message. I was sitting there at Applebee's at 13 thinking I'm going to order a salad because it's more ladylike. This is my question, okay? Can someone answer this for me? How does someone else get to decide if you're self-respecting when they don't even know you? They don't know who you are, your soul, your wants, your needs. One thing that is self-respecting for one person is completely different for another based on their self, right? Anyway, I just want to share how proud I am of these women and the new sexy. They're just... incredible. They're taking care of themselves, their energy, their boundaries, their everything from a place of self-love with such deep commitment and devotion, regardless of how anyone else might see them. And seeing the women in my mastermind really live this and not just talk about it, really embody it has been one of the most powerful things I've ever witnessed. And if you don't know what I'm talking about, my mastermind, the new sexy is a 12-week intimate journey for women to love what they see when they look in the mirror, feel sexy AF without having to change their bodies so that they can show up as their confident, authentic selves in all aspects of their lives, with their kids, with their clients, and it's absolutely incredible. I want to take a moment to celebrate some of the very real and tangible ways that these women have honored themselves over the past few few months. These are the kinds of wins that show what devotion to self really looks like in everyday life, and they deserve to be seen and celebrated. Last night was our closing ceremony, and it was really powerful. I shared wins for over 20 minutes, all these beautiful collective wins over the past three months, but I'm not going to do that to you. Today, I'll just share a few of them that really exemplify self-respect in this new definition. So one of my clients, she began listening to her body's needs in a way that she had never done before, honoring her rest and her movement and her hunger and even paused to drink water without overthinking throughout the day, which was amazing for her, something that she hadn't been able to do before. Another client, actually many of the women in the new sexy this round, began to set clear boundaries with their family, which we know are the hardest boundaries to create. Another planned an entire trip to Italy just for herself, not waiting for anybody's opinion or permission, and she actually chose to move there because she trusted that was what her soul needed. Another woman completely ditched the scale and measuring herself. which is huge. She let go of numbers as validation, even when others around her did not fully understand and even encouraged her not to do that. She chose instead to trust her body's inner wisdom. Another woman, again, many of the women, redefined movement and food, shifting from punishing their bodies to moving with joy and ease and letting go of the guilt around eating. Another woman who is a business owner decided that she didn't need makeup to show up on her stories online, and she just let her authentic, beautiful, natural self shine. And she was so confident while she did it, which was amazing. And her followers even mentioned that they felt an energetic shift and complimented her on it. Another woman faced a health scare and she, in that moment, garnered all the self-respect and all the compassion that she had been cultivating and realized that those challenges didn't define her worth and she stayed grounded in love for herself. Another woman shifted how she shows up in her business, letting go of the need to prove herself and and instead focused on creating authentic, safe, and aligned experiences for her clothes. And another woman stopped blaming her body when her clothes didn't fit, which is amazing. We all know what that feels like, thinking that we need to change our bodies. Instead, she recognized that it's the clothes that need to change, not her, and she freed herself from old stories of unworthiness. And finally, which I just feel like I could go on forever, but one of the women recently shared that people were kind of joking around about her body and just making playful comments that in the past would have really triggered her. And she realized that she didn't agree with them and she didn't internalize them. And she loves herself, loves the way she looked, and it didn't change the way she felt about herself. Absolutely incredible. I feel like this list really shows that self-respect isn't about one big moment. It's actually built in the small, quiet, powerful choices that we make every day. And these wins are proof that respecting yourself can look like honoring your body, using your voice, standing your ground and choosing yourself, even when it would have been easier to stay silent, apologize or shrink in the way that society sees self-respect to be. It's just listening to that little inner voice that knows what's best for you. And I just want to say this because it's important. Self-respect doesn't mean that you don't care about other people. It doesn't mean that you're immune to what they think or you don't feel hurt sometimes or that you want to isolate yourself from them. It just means that you care without abandoning yourself. It means you can love others, stay open, even hear their opinions, but your voice, your needs, and your truth are the ones that matter most. And it's the one you are going to honor first. When you get to this place, you stop outsourcing your worth. You stop needing somebody else's approval to choose yourself. If this message is speaking to you, keep an eye out because my next free experience, the glow up is coming really soon. It's going to be a powerful few days of reconnecting to your radiance, your confidence and your self-trust. And I would absolutely love to have you there. So keep your eye out. There's more details coming. Until next time, sending you so much love. Have a beautiful spring, lovely day.