You Weren’t Meant To Do This Alone

In this solo episode, I share how I went from seeing vulnerability with others as something scary and weird to one of the most profound experiences, especially for body confidence. I talk about my struggles with body image growing up and what has been truly transformative for me and my clients on our journeys toward radical body love.

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Transcript

Rebecca Sigala: 0:01

Hey, gorgeous. It is so much fun to be doing these regularly and getting to share with you what's on my mind, basically in real-time. Right now, I'm on such a high, you probably hear it in my voice. I usually am on Mondays after our Sunday group coaching call for The New Sexy. It was just such an amazing call. They really just are so, so special. And the women are so special. One of my clients actually was just saying, and you're going to hear her on the podcast very soon. She said that it's so clear how carefully I selected these women to be in The New Sexy Mastermind. And I totally get what she's saying, because it just feels so right and uplifting. And although we are all different and we all have our unique stories, there are so many commonalities that weave us together, with one of the most important ones being that we all desire to have this unconditional, unwavering body love and show up in the world as this loving and authentically confident versions of ourselves. And each and every one of these women are headed there. And it's just so beautiful to see that all unfolding before my eyes. What I want to talk to you guys about today is related to that. And that is the power of community and the people you surround yourself with. Personally, I never loved the idea of group therapy, or sharing vulnerably in a group setting. From a very young age, I would shake whenever I used to say anything in front of a group of people. And to be honest, even as I got older, being in a group and working on things just seemed less personal. Like if I was going to get a coach and invest in that, I wanted one on one, I wanted all the attention. But then when I started participating in more groups and also cultivating my own workshops before The New Sexy even began, I started to realize that it was so much more than the teacher or the coach or whoever it was reaching more people and wanting to make more money and maybe having less of an impact. I mean, maybe in some cases that could be the case, but not for the experiences that I had and definitely not for my work or when it comes to body confidence. To illustrate my point for you guys. Let me take you back to my yesteryears when I was in middle school and elementary school and really struggling with feeling comfortable in my body, struggling with my self-worth and how I felt about the way that I looked. There were so many things that contributed to that. But do you know what the common thread was in all of it? It was how other people defined beauty, how other people judged bodies, what other people said to me about my body, what other people think and say and act like, I think we all know that terrible feeling when you walk into a room and someone just looks you up and down and you feel so judged and undervalued, like This is all I'm worth? My body. How thin or fat or beautiful you think I am?" Like if I was a baby and dropped into this world that I'm trying to create here. One full of seeing the beauty in all bodies and a world that shows us how to really love ourselves and doesn't place one body as more valuable than another, then I would have never questioned my appearance in the way that I did. So you might be thinking, okay, yeah, I get all that, but who cares what other people think? But humans, humans care what other people think. It's literally hardwired into us. And especially at a young age, when we haven't fully formed our identities or our brains for that matter, of course, what other people think is going to leave a strong impression on us. And we're going to internalize those messages, ultimately thinking that they are our own thoughts. But the thing is these thoughts, these opinions and ways of thinking are not actually coming from you and they do not have to be yours. So now that you're moving into a more loving mindset about your body and bodies in general, you are going to need other people that support and encourage a new way of thinking, because the moment you walk out of the door in the morning, there are going to be a multitude of ways that other people or the media or advertisements could bring you down or make you feel like you need to change your body in order to feel good or worthy. But, when you have a group of other people keep saying other people, but it's just so true who desire to love their bodies unconditionally, and it doesn't need to mean that they always love their bodies unconditionally, or they're fully there yet, but that they have a similar mindset and they want to continue evolving and growing in this area, then everything changes. Just today, one of The New Sexy participants left me a voice message and she was just saying it's so crazy and beautiful how often it happens, in The New Sexy, that something shifts the way she sees herself. And she also said that it's a perfect balance of support, like me as a coach and being in that group setting, as well as pushing the envelope and making you confront ideas that no one talks about in real life. Except for now this gets to be our real life, which is so freaking cool. The New Sexy participants have this opportunity to go through the world with their new mindset outside of diet culture. Which, if you don't know what diet culture is, it's the culture that we live in that worships thinness above all else. And so they get to go through the world and feel so much better about themselves. And when things come up that are challenging, they have a community and a support system that they get to come back to and we get to support them. And if someone said something outrageous, we can be like, what the fuck, or we can tell them that they handled a situation so well, and we can encourage them to keep going and keep being themselves and keep cultivating this mindset, that is actually a G-d-given birthright. To love our bodies as they are. I want to share with you a powerful example of how this round has changed me, just from last night. Okay, so I'm 35. I'm starting to see some wrinkles, some small signs of aging, a gray hair once in a while. And I know that I do have the tools to fully embrace and love these parts of myself, but at the same time it's happening right now and it's changing right now. So while I've been pretty damn accepting of it and I haven't run out to get Botox or anything like that, there is a little uncertainty that I have around these body changes. And just wondering if I'll be totally embracing and accepting of it as I continue to age. Like sometimes I'll see a wrinkle and I won't have any feelings about it, or even I'll have a positive thought about it. And sometimes, usually when I'm not feeling as connected to my body, I'll think, how do I get rid of that? One of the processes I bring The New Sexy participants through is called"Break Free from Societal BS" so that they can redefine the concept of sexy as well as expand their own definition of beauty so that they get to walk away feeling detached from this hold diet culture and beauty standards has had on us and literally see the world, and their body, and other people's bodies with a whole new set of eyes. And during the coaching call yesterday, we were in the process of doing just that. I have this in-depth process to help them do that individually, as well as in the coaching calls as a group. And one of the participants was talking about wrinkles. And she said, I just think I'm so much smarter than I am 10 years ago, and it should show. Which I absolutely loved. And then she talked about how, if she's in a room and she sees wrinkles, she's actually drawn to them. She wants to talk to that person and hear their stories and just soak up that wisdom. And while of course, this is a concept we've all heard before, like aging is wisdom and there's so many stories you can tell, blah, blah, blah. Being in that room and that mastermind with these incredible bad ass women was a completely different experience. And I even said to her, I'm like, I feel like this is entering me right now. So much so that this morning when I passed an old man on our street, we had this cute little interaction and I just like smiled to myself because I realized that I'm also drawn to older people. And something just deeply shifted for me today. I feel it in my body. Like I feel totally cool with aging, bring it on. This is going to be an adventure and I'm here for it. That is the power of being in a community, in a mastermind, in a group of people who are on their healing journeys with open minds and really using this as a opportunity to shift the way they see themselves and heal together. I'm sharing this example of myself, but this has happened so many times for my clients since I began The New Sexy in 2022. I just see it over and over again that this deep work cannot be done alone. And it's one of the reasons why people generally end up doing The New Sexy and Healing Boudoir, because it's a combination of that group experience and one on one with me. But the truth is neither of those things are done alone. This kind of healing is meant to be done together and it's meant to go beyond us as well and make ripple effects in our homes and our communities and the world at large. And that only happens when we're open and we have these conversations. And what I want to say about people in your life who might not be on this path. That's totally okay. We are not going to change the world overnight. I heard this quote recently and it really resonated with me. It was,"if your life's work can be accomplished in your lifetime, you're not thinking big enough." It just makes so much sense. That's totally the work that I'm doing. But that doesn't mean that we can't make change in this lifetime. Significant change. And it starts with ourselves. This is what I help my clients do, is not cut people out of their lives, or become a hermit living on a mountaintop, I teach them how to fully love their own bodies and do that deep inner work that truly only makes a significant impact when it begins with us. And then they get to walk through the world with confidence and empathy and kindness and compassion for themselves and for others and where other people are at. The goal is not to cut people out or change people. It's learning to radically love your body in this world. And if you're a parent or a teacher or an aunt or someone who works with kids in some capacity. Then we will pass down that body love in a way that we never received. So don't start cutting people out of your life or saying, Rebecca says, I can only surround myself with people who are like me. Nah, that's boring. but you do need support in this or in anything you desire. A coach, a community, a dear friend that you can go to People who will see you and validate you and encourage you to keep going when challenges arise. Because they will. Even just listening to this podcast provides some of the support that I'm talking about. So keep listening and I'm so glad that you're here. That's what I have for you today. And I know I don't often ask this, but if you are enjoying, please leave a rating or review on the app because I want to make those ripples and reach even more women with you. I want you to be a part of this. You could also just send the link to a friend or a relative who you think could benefit from this. That's actually a really perfect way to make an impact without being too pushy or trying to change someone. They really get to take this journey upon themselves and they can start to change their mindset in a way that really feels like it's their own because it is. All right, my loves. Thank you for listening. I'll see you on the flip side.