The Body Image Revolution
The Body Image Revolution
How To Be Brave With Tamar Field-Gersh
In this episode of The Body Image Revolution, I sit down with my friend Tamar Field-Gersh, a life and business coach here in Israel, to explore a refreshing take on bravery. Together, we dive into how bravery isn’t just about pushing through or hiding fear—it’s about connecting with our bodies and inner wisdom. Tamar shares her journey, from feeling lost in motherhood to courageously stepping into a bold, authentic life she truly loves. We also discuss life in Israel during wartime, along with practical tools and advice to inspire bravery in your own life.
Follow Tamar on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tamarfieldgersh
https://www.tamarcoaching.com/
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Hey there, Rebecca here. Welcome back to another episode of The Body image Revolution. The conversation I'm about to share with you is so good. And we had so much fun and it's with someone who I always love connecting with. We just happened to press record this time. And now all of you guys get to listen in. Her name is Tamar Field-Gersh, and she is a life and business coach who also lives here in Israel. We talk about how to be brave, which is something that is so relevant to so many of us right now. I think you're going to be surprised and delighted by this new way of seeing bravery and then being able to take that definition and relating to yourself in such a loving kind and expansive way. There's so much wisdom packed into this episode and so many practical tools. I hope you guys enjoy. Let's just like get into it. First of all, I always love talking to you. I'm really looking forward to all the things that just naturally come up because I really don't have a set specific thing I want to talk about today, but I feel drawn to having this conversation, especially because recently you reached out to me and said, let's create an event together and it got me really inspired and excited, first of all, because I think we both. We're like, we need like in person connection and we know that other women want that as well. And so there is that. And then we started talking about what it meant to be. Brave. And I think that is really what intersects a lot of our work. A hundred percent. For sure.
Tamar Field-Gersh:Yeah. I love the topic of bravery and being brave and having that conversation day in and day out. I think it's an important one because I think in the world of bravery, there's like a lot of misconceptions and different kinds of ideas and a lot of pressure, you know, like, you You know, be brave when we're telling our kids this Lawrence are very little to, you know, adulthood and us as well, you know, constantly like, Oh, do the brave thing. Go be a badass, be brave, you know? So I think it's a really important conversation to have. And totally,
Rebecca Sigala:especially right now, especially living in Israel and living during this war. And living in a culture, I don't know if you agree with me, that really focuses on the heroism, the bravery, and there's so many good things that come with that, but then sometimes it means overriding him. What our bodies really need, or what we're emotionally going through. And I don't think that's helpful. Have you noticed any of that stuff going on this year?
Tamar Field-Gersh:Yeah, I mean, I remember when October 7th happened. So for those who don't know the story, there was one particular woman. She was probably like 70, 75 years old. This is seared in
Rebecca Sigala:my memory forever.
Tamar Field-Gersh:Yeah. And she basically had a whole crew, whole gang of terrorists outside her door that eventually came inside of her door. And her son, I believe is like the head of the police where they live. And she acted very quickly. She basically was very smart. She distracted them. She was like, Oh, let's make, I'm going to make cookies for you. And she kind of started to like grandma them, mother them, and was making this batch of cookies and hooking them up and Feeding them and doing all things. And So smart. So smart. And she speaks Arabic. So she was able to totally converse with them. Meanwhile, I didn't know she spoke Arabic. Wow. Yeah, she speaks Arabic.'cause she comes from like an, you know her, her grandmother or whatever came from like an Arabic speaking country. So she spoke fluent Arabic, Hebrew. Wow. And so meanwhile though, she had gotten her son on the phone. You know, she was kind of texting her son, letting him know what's going on. So while she's baking these cookies and she's cooking up these terrorists with the cookies and milk, her son and the entire squad was like outside the door and was able to bust in and save everybody, which is amazing. I mean, I'm amazing and smart, and I think we are holding on to anything, you know, and I think we still are at some level, but there was definitely a big thing of like how brave she was and how courageous she was and all those kinds of things. And yes, she was very brave and very courageous. I think it felt like it would override everybody else that was doing all these other things and didn't survive. Or we're talking Yeah,
Rebecca Sigala:when it would have been a totally normal reaction for her just to scream at the top of her lungs and not bake them cookies. Either way. Right.
Tamar Field-Gersh:Like there was a measurement of what was correct and what is not correct, which I think is what can happen with bravery a lot. Yeah. I think that's when people can kind of get into this place. Like, for example, when, uh, Well, let me, let me first actually define how I see bravery conversation. And actually even beforehand, I think, you know, I think Google has a very interesting definition of bravery, which is like, I spit off my like bravery research through. I was just like, when I got to Google definition, actually, I'll give you the exact word. I'm going to look this up for you right here, right now. I'm going to give it now. I want your thesis on bravery. Yeah. Oh yeah. We're going there. Okay. All right. So, so Google translation is that. Brave. Okay. So to endure or face unpleasant conditions or behaviors without showing fear. Whoa. So I've got lots of issues with this. Yeah, me too. Because it's like, I mean, no, sorry, that's not, that means like, oh, so we should be robots, not human beings because no matter how good you are, no matter how much work you have done, no matter what, fear will always be in your life. And yes, thank God we as coaches and people who get coached in therapy and all different kinds of things can absolutely learn how to work. And she's always going to work with fear and, you know, take it along with you in a healthy way, in a way that you're able to do things, but she's always going to be there, you know, so I think with this particular definition, it's also
Rebecca Sigala:interesting that they use the word show fear, not have fear, but you could have it, but don't show it.
Tamar Field-Gersh:If you ever wonder what boys aren't supposed to cry, like why the hell, where does that come from? I mean, it's all over the place, including the way we translate our words and the definitions and the Google translates and the, you know, I'm sure if we were to open up an encyclopedia, it'd be probably very similar, you know? So I like to define fear in two different kinds of ways. One's the more typical one, which is doing something that's scary, And being scared, but doing it anyway, but still feeling fear and still feeling scared, but doing it anyway. Right. I think which is most typical for people. And then the other piece, the other way I like to define it is really bravery is hearing what other people have to say. Hearing the world be like, do it, do it, do it, do the thing, or not do it, depending on what it is, don't do it. No, that's a bad idea. But connecting to your inner guidance. Connecting to your inner knowing, your alignment, and despite the fact of what other people will think, Still do it
Rebecca Sigala:or don't do
Tamar Field-Gersh:it
Rebecca Sigala:or don't do it. Yeah. I was about to say, because the brave thing for one person could be completely different for someone else when you're connected to that inner knowing and perhaps not doing the thing. is actually the brave thing for you, especially because it's going against society's definition of what bravery is. And to not do it is like, wow, I might be perceived in a certain way, or there might be some kind of consequence externally, but I know that I'm being true to myself.
Tamar Field-Gersh:A hundred percent. Yeah. I mean, I think both of these definitions, why I like defining those different ways, right? Being afraid, but doing it anyway, right? With the fear coming along with you and connecting and hearing the do it, do it, or don't do it, don't do it, but then connecting to what is your inner truth and doing the opposite of it, despite the fact that there might be people talking about you, right? The experiences are a different in your body. One is really thrilling, really exciting. Like think about when you started your podcast, right? Or when one of your clients signs up for coaching and they've signed on to, you know, go all in on themselves. It's so brave and so thrilling. And so all those kinds of things. And then the other one is a much quieter, inner kind of experience. It's this kind of like You get to know this this gets to be like I know that the rest the world is saying don't do it or do it But that doesn't feel right for me. And so I'm gonna yeah, and it's a quieter Experience, but they're building up this brave muscle. That's basically what it comes down to is this self trust that you absolutely You know, and I actually, I have a great example. I have a great example. Okay. Ooh, I'm excited to hear. I've got an example for kind of both, kind of both things. So my sister, I have two sisters, but one of my sisters in college, she was taking this course that she didn't like. She dropped it. And then on that same day, she saw on the bulletin board, this ad to be working with a CEO. family in this particular kind of way, this child with autism. She ended up going and working with this family and fell in love with the family and this particular process that they were using to work with this child. It was like an alternative kind of process. She ended up going to the institution that the kid was trained in to get trained as a facilitator. She built up a beautiful. Big business. She wrote a book that was translated into, I don't know, 10 languages. Maybe she was flown all over the world, Moscow, India, all over the place to speak and do all these things. And, you know, I, at the time was not a business owner and I was mostly a stay at home mom doing jobs that could not be more boring and I was sitting back and watching her and I was just in awe, you know, every time I saw her show. I can't even
Rebecca Sigala:imagine you doing like a boring job at this point. Let me tell ya, that one's totally my life.
Tamar Field-Gersh:Uh, it was, it, I can't, I, I'm with you though. It feels very foreign. So here I am watching her show up online and you know, do these lives and do all these kinds of things, just like blown away. And she's very, very successful. Everybody internationally, anybody who has an autistic child all over the world knows about her. A couple of years go by and she's just not feeling it anymore. Not wanting the, both of you and I know the craziness of running a business. And just wanting something slower paced, and just not taking as much of her energy, and she just wasn't feeling it anymore. And she decided to call it quits. Now, my sister is insanely brave in all the definitions of bravery. She's definitely like the bravest of all four of us children, I think. She once flew to Tanzania and Africa and basically climbed Mount Kilimanjaro without, she wasn't going to. Someone asked her. Her and her friend like, Oh, do you guys want to, do you guys want to climb with us? And it was like the next day. They're like, sure. They scrounged. Oh my God. Everyone comes in these thousand dollar REI, whatever. They're like scrounging some things together. They climb, count material. She's a very brave person in many ways in terms of that first definition of bravery. But this blew me away because I was just like the rest of the world, including my parents and including everybody who's watching her grow this very successful, very beautiful career. And she's like, it's not me anymore. It's not me. And I want to be available to my kids. I want to be doing something slower. I want to do it. And she pulled the plug. And she walked away. Full heart. That is very brave. And it, it really was like, Whoa, I really, I remember saying to her, like, I've always been blown away by you. This blew me away. This really shifted something inside of me, watching her so bravely connect to what was right for her. Despite the world being like, what?
Rebecca Sigala:Because first of all, when they're seeing her have so much success and grow her business and going online and being so visible, other people are thinking, wow, that's really brave. I could never do that. And that really does fit a little bit more into that other definition. And then for her to really tap into who she is, what she actually wants and needs. That is really that truly internal, quiet bravery that you're talking about.
Tamar Field-Gersh:Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, no, it really, it really blew me away. And it's interesting because me going into business was actually kind of the opposite because, you know, I was saying my husband was on the road. I was pretty much solo parenting 85 percent of the time when my kids were little up until like. Really COVID time because he was traveling. He was doing, he was like, so
Rebecca Sigala:how old are you when you had your first
Tamar Field-Gersh:kid? And then
Rebecca Sigala:what's the, what's the
Tamar Field-Gersh:time
Rebecca Sigala:span here?
Tamar Field-Gersh:What time, how many years were you? I think like, basically I think I was 28 when I had my first kid. And so basically for like 13 years, I was still low parenting. 85. He was gone all the time, all the time. And it was important to me for my kids to have at least one of us. I mean, I was really, I'm really like a homeschooler at heart. And so I wasn't like, at least until I think my, all my kids are home with me till they're two and a half, maybe. And so I had these odd jobs, you know, but nothing. Like what? For example, I know it's such a weird random jobs. Okay. Well, one was that I was teaching English to Chinese and Japanese students online. Oh, which was really interesting because I was doing it when COVID started. So I would be teaching them and like seeing this COVID thing, like coming apart, always with their masks on, even if we're talking to screen, you know, and groceries being dropped off, but they couldn't open the door until the person left the thing and I'm asking them questions about it, like, I don't understand this planet they're living in. And then all of a sudden it exploded and became our world as well. So that was really fascinating. And before that I was selling essential oils for a certain amount of time. I feel like that's not so weird. Like I could see that. Well, it was like an MM, whatever they're called. Oh, right. Yeah. It was one of those. And I was just like, what am I doing? I was almost going to be selling kosher sex toys for a company. Which I was totally down for and they were paying good money But then it got a little it got sketchy cuz interviews are like talking your sexiest voice. Oh, no Here I'm gonna hang up Even if you're saying 40 an hour, bye. So anyway, lots of random weird. Oh, yeah.
Rebecca Sigala:Okay
Tamar Field-Gersh:bad stuff and it was really hard It was very very hard thing for me. So I was really kind of trying to explore what I should be doing and how I can kind of get out of this because it was not me. I was dying to be a happy stay at home mom. I saw all these stay at home moms around me who were going out for coffee together and going for walks with their strollers and really doing it. And I just, it wasn't me. But anyway, so I was kind of exploring the idea of creating my own business, building a business on my own, whatever. And I had everybody being like, I do not think you should do that. You've never grown a business before. We're going to do even actually I was working with a psychic. I don't want to call her psychic. She's kind of like in touch with angels. Very cool woman who helped do a lot of healing with my sister. And I got in touch with her and whatever. And she kept on saying also, not now, not now. Like, should I grow my own business? Should I build my own business? She couldn't be like, not now, not now. And finally, It just came to a place where I was like, I have to stop listening. Even to psychics who are speaking to my angel basis.
Rebecca Sigala:I have to, I love that, by the way,
Tamar Field-Gersh:Yeah. Yeah. I'm like, I have to listen to myself because I'm just feeling it. And the crazy thing about, actually it was really interesting'cause I, the day I got certified as a coach. On Facebook popped up, you know how Facebook kind of gives you reminders, brings back these memories on every day, every day, exactly the popped up that 13 years prior that I had written a post that said, kid, does anybody know about? Some kind of therapy training that you can then do an online business or shadowing your
Rebecca Sigala:future
Tamar Field-Gersh:over the day of my certification at 13 years before my past self, how can I be trained as a therapist to the, do it online and do those kinds of, you know, whatever. So it was like, I had to be like, Psychic lady, you know, husband, man, parent, whatever, whoever's telling me, like, I don't think you should do it. And just be like, I know I need to do this. This feels right for me. It's going to be crazy. It's going to be insane. Yes. I have no idea what I'm doing and I need to do it. Yeah. Which is also
Rebecca Sigala:very brave.
Tamar Field-Gersh:Yeah. A hundred percent. How is it so different than your sister's experience? It was kind of like the opposite in terms of like, she was going out of a business and I was going in. Okay.
Rebecca Sigala:But the similar thread was the fact that you tuned into yourself and quieted. The voices of others, correct? Yeah, correct. Beautiful.
Tamar Field-Gersh:Yeah. And I think I like this kind of expansion of this definition because I think it gives us more of an opportunity to be flexing our brave muscles. You know, like, like we went over Sukkot, we went for a walk on a beach that had different cliffs that you couldn't jump off of. And so I had a variety of kids who from, I'm not doing this to I'm totally doing this. To, I want to do this, but I'm not sure if I'm going to do this, you know, in terms of jumping off the cliff. And it was just such an interesting experience because yeah, it could totally be brave for you to jump off, even if you don't want to be jumping off and you're feeling like the kind of fear of it. Cause that's natural. That's makes sense. Right. And it could totally be brave if you don't want to jump off and you don't, even though there's a whole sea of people, strangers and people that you love that are like, go, go, go, go. Right.
Rebecca Sigala:Because there's another fear. Of what other people think of you. And so when you decide to do something that is aligned with you, then you're overcoming that fear and that's why it's brave. For sure. That's really amazing. And it's also, it's interesting. I was thinking about something that came up while we were talking in the beginning was when Iran attacked the last time. I'm like, was that the last time? Yeah, that was the last time. What does that mean? What a sentence. The last time Iran attacked. Yeah, seriously. And we moved like six months ago. And so we were using this new Mahmud for the first time. Okay. Like actually leaving our house. It's a community, my mod. And I went down there with my son and my youngest daughter. My older daughter was somewhere else. And at first it was okay. And my son actually has amazing tapping tools that he automatically started doing, which I was so proud of. And we were all breathing and talking, but then it just, as you know, kept going and going and going with siren after siren, boom after boom. And we were both shaking. And of course I was very focused on talking to him and breathing exercises and validating his fears because yeah, it's scary, but we're going to be okay. And at the same time, my mind was just running wild. And I. Was scared. I was really scared. And as much as I practice self compassion and it's so much of what I do, one of the first things I said to my husband was, how did I do? How did I do? Like, did I look scared?
Tamar Field-Gersh:Totally legitimate.
Rebecca Sigala:Like, no. Yeah. Yeah. And thank you. Thank you. But It's interesting because if someone else were to tell me that story, my best friend, someone that I love, it's like, holy shit, you're so brave, you're such a good mom, and you can give yourself so much love and compassion, but this idea of what bravery is, Google's definition of bravery, is so deeply ingrained in us that it would be like there was something wrong with me if I would have shown fear.
Tamar Field-Gersh:Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, listen, I think the bottom line, especially those situations, is our kids know everything. They know everything about us. Yeah. So oftentimes when we're like not showing that fear, not showing those kinds of things, that scares the crap out of them even more. If we're like, this is
Rebecca Sigala:scary.
Tamar Field-Gersh:I'm feeling scared too. We're going to be okay. You know? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We're in, you know, really kind of bringing ourselves back to the present moment of like, we're in a MAMAD, thank God, we have a MAMAD, that's amazing, you know, like we have an unbelievable army, you know, I'm like literally repeating what I also said to my own kids, we have an unbelievable army that I named all, like, you know, everyone
Rebecca Sigala:we know. We all have also, like, our reasons, like, yeah, the army, and for me, I'm like, safest place and this is behind this mountain, whe Our brains
Tamar Field-Gersh:just do that, you know, and it's kind o like what is actually tru Out of the present into the future every time that's where it takes us. And so this feels so scary because we don't actually know the future, even though our brains think they can predict it and there's certain, you know, but there's no, we don't know. We have no idea. So it takes us into this world of the unknown and that is scary. So it's always kind of like, what do we do know? We do know that we're sitting in a Mahmoud right now with the door closed, with the windows closed, and we have the best freaking army in the world. We know that we've had this before. And remember how much we kicked butt and other countries, we know that, you know, of all countries, Jordan was like, you know, all these countries were saying this unbelievable stuff. Right. And the U S army has just brought in blah, blah, blah, whatever, just reminding ourselves of everything. Because at the end of the day, that is all we can do. We cannot run the world, we cannot control if Iran is going to send missiles at us or not, but we can remind ourselves what is happening in the present. What is the truth? How are we seeing right now in this
Rebecca Sigala:moment? Yeah, exactly. In that exact moment, look around you, feet on the floor, the walls, the people around us. I think that was actually really helpful to have basically all of our neighbors. Around us and people who I know have been here for a lot longer because we actually live on the side of a frat where most of the older people live, which I love. And they're just all so chill and I'm like, Oh, they've been through this, you know, I'm sitting there shaking in the corner.
Tamar Field-Gersh:Yeah, remember you got your hundred packs of water. Yeah. Your noodle soups and your. You know, like, you got so much food, you're good, we're good, we're okay. I guess it's going to be annoying and scary for the hour, you know, for the next hour or so. But, you know, right now, right now, we are, we are okay, which is actually the truth, you know? But definitely being honest about it, I think, especially with kids, because they know when we're like, I'm not scared, I promise you I'm not scared, you
Rebecca Sigala:know, it's like, you're freaking scared lady, you're not scared of me. Yeah, I definitely validated that for him, because Yeah, I know that doesn't help. And as you know, we've had so many situations where we've had that opportunity to really support our kids. And I have learned that being honest while also giving them the truth and the sense of security that they need, that they know that I think what you said, just really that in the present moment, everything's going to be fine. Okay. It's scary, but we're going to be okay. And we're taking all the precautions that we need.
Tamar Field-Gersh:Yeah. I love how you just said that, by the way. I love how you said that we just have had so many opportunities to kind of like show up for our kids, support our kids, which is so true, which is I think the silver lining, that's definitely what's been a huge part of saving me this year is definitely seeing those silver linings. Seeing what has been the benefit of this, you know, our brains will on its own, completely let us know. And it's. It's very clear and in our face of why this is devastating beyond words, but also really seeing the places of how much our country has come together, how much it has asked us to volunteer and work and literally be in it, be farming and volunteering here and doing things here and all that kind of stuff. There's a lot that I think that has really built the country. I think that's
Rebecca Sigala:going to change. Yeah. And personal growth. Actually, I was just listening to a podcast and Esther Peral was being interviewed and she said that the definition of prices. Is danger and opportunity
Tamar Field-Gersh:danger. The definition of crisis, danger, and opportunity. Yeah. That pretty much sums it up. Yeah. I was like, Oh yeah, I very much relate to that right now. That's totally it. A hundred percent. Yeah. We're definitely being asked a lot this past year and we're being asked to be resilient. Yeah. Or fall on our faces and both of those are a big job, you know, and both are exhausting and both take a lot from us. And they're both happening. Yeah. And they both happen. Yes. I shared a post a couple of days ago, I don't know if you saw it or not, where I was really comparing what we're all going through with birth and I didn't see it. I'm going to have to look it up. I love your posts. Yeah. Oh, thank you. Uh, yeah, I was saying how, you know, really that it really is like labor and that when we go through this, we're going through deep pain, you know, like that's the contraction. And as much as we can to really be present with that, to weep, to yell, to scream, feel it in every ounce of our body, to really be in it and feel that. And then when it's done, really let it go. Yeah. And as we enter those 30 seconds or one minute that we get between the contractions, those rest periods, right? To really be present there and to really love like you've never loved before. To love life like you've never loved life before. To rest like you've never rested before.
Rebecca Sigala:Yeah.
Tamar Field-Gersh:I kind of went on to share the things that I've been doing for myself to help extend those rest periods.
Rebecca Sigala:Yeah. Can you share a couple of
Tamar Field-Gersh:those? I'm sure the listeners would love to hear. Yeah, for sure. So some of them I've been doing, because I don't know how long, it's been the longest I've ever had where I felt like I'm in a real rut. And so I'm just kind of needing to just nurture myself. So a couple of things. I
Rebecca Sigala:feel that too. Yeah.
Tamar Field-Gersh:Yeah, definitely. I've dealt with like rut, rut hood. I don't know what it's called, but whatever it is, it's fine. Rut hood. Yeah. That's what our thing that I want us to do together. I'm able to put out this thing, but then doing it, and that's so not like me. And I'm kind of like, I can't do it now.
Rebecca Sigala:Well, now that it's said on my podcast, now we have to.
Tamar Field-Gersh:And we will, we will.
Rebecca Sigala:Look out
Tamar Field-Gersh:for it, guys. Yes, exactly. Look out for people. So a few things that I do for myself that help help extend this rest time between our contractions is number one. And these are, some of them are super simple things. Like I work out every day. Move my body every day. So first of all, for those who don't move their body, I highly suggest. Your body. Absolutely. No matter if it is for. Five minutes. If it is five minutes, that is a beautiful thing, but do it. And I'm with you. Yeah. And so I've actually also taken off my shoes when I work out now, right now, I'm just needing to feel my feet on the ground. So it's this little thing, but it's been really significant that I've been doing my workout, like going outside, putting it in grass or dirt, not even honestly, you can, you can definitely do that, but
Rebecca Sigala:that's called
Tamar Field-Gersh:like
Rebecca Sigala:rounding or something like that. There's
Tamar Field-Gersh:probably practice to it. That makes sense. Grounding. Grounding. Yeah, it definitely feels about the truth. It was like one of those intuition, like my shoes off right now. I love that. I'm feeling like my feet need to be as much touching the ground, not with a barrier of shoes as much as I can. So that I've been doing also. I always get up early before everybody, which is also something I highly suggest if you can work it into your schedule, even again, 20 minutes while the house is quiet, kids are still sleeping and you're literally having 20 minutes. The times in my
Rebecca Sigala:life that I've been able
Tamar Field-Gersh:to do that. Oh, yeah. It's like, you know, to be able to feed yourself before the world gets you is significant. I literally feel like it's like, before the world gets, before the world gets to eat you up, eat you alive. Oh God. So I've been getting up even earlier so I can journal before, like, I go through my periods of journaling. I stopped doing it for a while and so I kind of brought it back. So I journal for half an hour and then I work out for half an
Rebecca Sigala:hour. I think it's so important for people to say that, that it's not something that they always do because there's so much pressure around it. Same thing with movement or any kind of self care practice. People are like, either I do all or nothing. And it's a very diet culture mentality that. Doesn't really serve us just that perfectionism of if I don't do it perfectly every single day for this amount of time in the way that I think I'm supposed to do it, then I'm failing. So I think just the fact that you said that is really great. And really for people to understand that five minutes of movement or journaling once a week or coming in and out of your practices, that's good. That's all part of it.
Tamar Field-Gersh:Yeah, 100%. And speaking about brave, it's really brave because here you are again, following what feels aligned for you and not doing what, and I think I'm more speaking now for the kind of more of the ambitious have to do check, check, check. You know, so many women are like, okay, some of your people. Yeah, very like that. Very brave to be like, I'm just going to do this at 10%. For those who do things at 120%, which is definitely me, for me, when I say I'm just going to do this for 10%, that is the bravest thing I can do. It is braver than jumping out of an airplane, which I have done in New Zealand. It takes me more Courage to say, I'm just going to do something at 10 percent because 10 percent is better than nothing at all, or doing 100 percent but feeling like crap, because that's not really what I wanted to do. So that's why I've been journaling again, which has been amazing. I'm a big beach walker. I take a lot of beach walks. I've been doing a lot more swimming, plunging in the water as well, combining that. You saw I did
Rebecca Sigala:that for the first time.
Tamar Field-Gersh:No. Oh, yes, I did. I did. I did. Yes. Ice
Rebecca Sigala:bath.
Tamar Field-Gersh:Yes.
Rebecca Sigala:So good. So good. Yes. I love challenges like that. There's something about it probably does tap into my all or nothing mentality, but in a, hopefully in a healthier way. Yeah,
Tamar Field-Gersh:no, it's great. It's, it definitely shakes you up, which that's an amazing thing. Also, that's also what I would say. I just like, you know, yesterday I saw like a networking event was happening. And I was like, Oh, you know, maybe I'll just go into Jerusalem on Tuesday. My nephew just came out of Lebanon. He's going to be around. I'll go out to dinner with him and my sister and brother in law, my parents and have a sleepover at my parents house and then go to this networking event and meet with a client before and whatever, and just like, so fun. Yeah, so fun. And just like mixing up my schedule and just throwing in a mini adventure and being away. Also feels like very allowing me to kind of extend this rest period. It has distracted me from the news, which by the way, the next thing would be to say more podcasting or musicing and less newsing, which I've been doing that big thing. Yeah. So
Rebecca Sigala:important to protect ourselves, especially if we are sensitive. Yeah. Were you always like that? Creating the fun and the self care and the, the way that you're saying it's like, Oh, of course I woke up before my whole family and I do cold plunges and journaling and I'm going to just meet a random friend in Jerusalem. You know what I mean? And so many people are just going about their lives, doing the things that they feel like they need to do. And they can't imagine the time or the space to incorporate those things, even if they really want that. And they can see that it would be beneficial for them. So I'm just curious, like when you were solo parenting for 13 years, was that something that you were able to do?
Tamar Field-Gersh:Yeah, solid question. So I have Always been somebody who really likes to play and have fun and, you know, like this young, whatever. Yes, I love that. But, I really love your question because I think it's an important thing to say. When I was still with parenting, I completely lost myself. I literally lost myself. I feel that,
Rebecca Sigala:I know exactly. I've been there.
Tamar Field-Gersh:I think so many of us have. I didn't even realize, you know, in that span of time, I had made Aliyah, became Israeli and became a mom and newly married, you know, Israeli, became a mom, like all of my identity and also became religious. I was raised religious, but even more religious and like a more mature than ever expected. I was a spammer for a couple of years. And so all of my identity of who I was, was out the door and I had no time to get there. And then, so the I very much relate. The same experience, right? Yeah, I think we're both like tickle scarf wearers. Like we all, we had the thing. At some point, yes. Yes, exactly. So I went on a beach walk one day when my husband had a little break from his work. It was like, you know, unheard of, but whenever he'd have a break, he, I hear like a walk in the door and I'd be like, bye, I'm out of here. I, I buy, like, and we'd had, we were just like passing, literally passing ships. So I remember like, I'm like, what should I do? I'm like, I'll go to the beach, you know, it's always my go to. And so I went to the beach and I went for a walk and I sat down to sit by the water. And all of a sudden it was like the heaviest, most awkward, Experience of my life, sitting there with myself, like literally as if there was a stranger sitting next to me and I was like, so how's the weather? Um, okay. I really was like, who is this person that is me? Who the hell is she? And that was the biggest wake up call for me. To be like, girl, you need to make some changes. Like, you just figure out who you are, got to figure out who you are. And so I actually walked back to the car and I was like, I need to go, I need to get out of here. I need to get out of here. I need to go on an adventure. I need to shake this up. And so I came home and told my husband that I need to book an adventure, a solo venture away and get out of here for a little bit. And he was like, totally. And so I ended up calling my best friend who lives. Far away. And I was like, meet me in Amsterdam. In two weeks, let's go. And we rented this amazing, this amazing boat, like this amazing houseboat and was like living it up for a week on this boat and journaling and all, you know, all the stuff, all the things you do in Amsterdam. And it was a really good call for me because I had not been taking care of myself. I was that woman who was like, I'm not earning money, therefore I don't deserve to spend money on coffees and salads. So many women. So many of us. So many of us, and everyone has their own version of that a hundred percent, a hundred percent. But I was like, I don't deserve that. So it's not going to, you know, and this was not coming from my husband or it was coming from me and yes, and society, not just, and you know, ancestors living inside of me from generations before so much. So I know I always, I always worked out my mom. As I said, my parents were up at five in the morning working out. Like I've always been somebody who. It worked out. So I always had that, which thank God, and I would do with my kids. And if I, when they were little, you know, as they grew, whatever, but everything else was out the door. And so that's a huge part of my coaching work I do with my clients, because I see this is very much the issue with mothers. Women is really kind of getting us back into mode of like, how do we love on ourselves? Because everything is based on that. Everything comes from that. It's this like, how can we love on ourselves? Because, you know, so many of us are just taught that's selfish, who we are is dependent on what we can do for other people. And it's like, no, we need to be feeding ourselves. We need to be giving to ourselves. And we have to kind of say that out loud and we have to be intentional about it. It's not just going to happen. It's not going
Rebecca Sigala:to
Tamar Field-Gersh:happen.
Rebecca Sigala:which of course is connected, everything's connected. Self trust and learning how to really tap into who you are and listen to your body and understand what your wants and needs are, and it's not the easiest thing, but it is so possible and it doesn't need to be so difficult either.
Tamar Field-Gersh:And I mean, my suggestion to like your audience is really to. Choose one thing and try it out for a week or try it out for, you know, two weeks. I'm going to try this, you know, journal for five minutes every day when I wake up or what after kids drop off in the car before I get out of the car to go to work or whatever it is. I'm going to sit here and I choose one question. I'm going to journal on it. And, or whatever your thing is, maybe it's working out, maybe it's going for a walk. Maybe it's, you know, whatever it is to choose one thing that feels super nurturing. And I would like ask yourself, what feels nurturing to me or what feels fun to me? And know that that question is going to feel loaded and feel awkward and feel confusing if you're not used to asking that question, but it's like any skill, like loving on ourselves and building this self trust is a skill, which means. We have to learn it, and which means we have to practice it. And so it's like going into a gym. You're not gonna go in one day to a gym, lift some 20 kilo weights and be like, I'm good. No, you're gonna go in and you're gonna kind of suck at it for a little while until you get stronger and stronger and stronger at it. And then you're gonna be like, oh, I lift weights. I'm a weightlifter. So to really choose one, the identity shifts, the identity shifts,
Rebecca Sigala:exactly. Yeah, I really learned this. I don't know when it came to be, but with my journey as a coach, I was teaching people all these different concepts and I had the order of my modules for the new sexy, which is my coaching program. And I think it started with. Reflection or diving into your story. And at some point I realized that's not where we start. We need to start with tapping into our intuition and our self trust. So that's literally the first module. And I'm not saying, Oh, in one module, all of a sudden you have a hundred percent self trust, but. To have that as the foundation is something that you always come back to and, and realize that it is really all about connecting to yourself and learning how to listen to your body is everything.
Tamar Field-Gersh:Yeah, a hundred percent. I mean, it's everything, everything is based on that, right? That foundation. And, you know, I think for a lot of us, we ignore it for a really long time because we think that it's, you know, I once heard this metaphor and I actually love it, but it's like, you have a jar and you have sand and you have big rocks. And when you are talking about how to take care of yourself and live this fulfilling life that you want to live,
Rebecca Sigala:I'm envisioning sand, jar, big rocks. Yeah, exactly. You got your jar, you know, you got
Tamar Field-Gersh:sand on the side and you got rocks. Okay, the rocks represent things we do to nurture ourselves to take care of ourselves, you know, so again for me It's like taking beach walks and it's going to song circles in music and it's working out every day moving my body every day That's kind of thing. So those are the rocks and I put those rocks inside Okay, and the sand is everything else I have to do in my life. All the, maybe a little grocery shopping, sending out this email, writing this post, all the kind of things. And I pour the sand in, and the sand's gonna go in, it's gonna go through the rocks, whatever. Then you have got your jar. But if you put the sand in first, you're not gonna have any room for those rocks. Um, and eventually you will burn to the ground. Yeah. So when I do scheduling with my clients and we create a schedule for them, a schedule that they want. I actually wanted to
Rebecca Sigala:ask you about that next. Yeah. About your clients and about your work before we have to end because we did not start with that. But I love that because this conversation is like everything.
Tamar Field-Gersh:Totally. I actually love that. You didn't, you didn't start with that. Cause that's. So how it's done.
Rebecca Sigala:Yeah, I know. And
Tamar Field-Gersh:sometimes it's like, okay, I'm
Rebecca Sigala:bored. I'll figure that out at the end, or I'll go and I'll look you up and I'll learn more about you. But this is, I feel what is naturally coming from
Tamar Field-Gersh:us
Rebecca Sigala:and hopefully what people need to hear.
Tamar Field-Gersh:Totally. No, I love that. Actually with my networking, I run a local networking group here in my area. And we, for weeks, I did not have them actually say what they do with each other, because it's very human based. I specifically wanted to create a group where we are meeting. I want to live next to you. Yes. Come on over. You know, that was the thing. It was like, I'd go to these networking events and they would be described as like, you're going on these dates with people and these other networking events. I'd go to, it'd basically be like, hi, can we go have, let's go have sex. It was like jumping right to it. And I was just like, no, dude, I want to date you. I want you to like have a chat with me. And then the next time I see you, I want you to ask me out for coffee. And the next day for drinks. And then it's not just like romance
Rebecca Sigala:me a little bit. Exactly.
Tamar Field-Gersh:So I didn't have anybody share what they do as their work in business for weeks. And even now it's very light, but I want this to be a human to human connection. So. Anyways, going back to the metaphor of the jar and the sand and the rock. So I have my client. All right. So basically I'm a life and business coach. I work with female entrepreneurs. Amazing. Also male entrepreneurs, I will say, which I also love, but it tends to be more female. Teach them how to stop messing around with their lives and their businesses and to start showing up in their lives. Like fear is not a problem.
Rebecca Sigala:Like
Tamar Field-Gersh:they have it, but it's not an issue. And so it really does focus and push, um, where and how we can be brave in our business and in our lives, you know? So when we do scheduling, the first thing I say to them is in your schedule, the first thing you put in. Is the you time. That is the very first thing that you write into your, like, if you're doing a Google thing, if you're doing a real person thing, but you put in, like, working out, and all those things that you want to love on yourself. Then, you put in your work stuff, your family stuff, your da da da da da. And so that, you're immediately saying to yourself, I am a priority.
Rebecca Sigala:I
Tamar Field-Gersh:am the priority and I am the priority will follow everything else will like, I am the foundation and everything else will stay strong as long as I am feeling like I am being loved on by myself. And so it's like this metaphor of the mason jar and the sand and the rocks. The first thing that has to go in are these big rocks that are like The foundation of how we can nurture ourselves and love on ourselves. And then only after that. Can you pour in the sand and let the sand kind of, you know, fit its way in right into all those different crevices.
Rebecca Sigala:So beautiful. And it's such a great beach analogy. It's so you. That is very true. Maybe use like seashells instead.
Tamar Field-Gersh:That's good. I like it. Although actually the truth I collect, I collect rocks. I don't collect seashells. Oh, okay. I'm into seashells. I'm into these beautiful, gorgeous rocks from the sea. They're like. insanely gorgeous. So that's so fun.
Rebecca Sigala:Yeah. Can you tell my listeners how they can find you and where they can get to know you a little bit more? Yes,
Tamar Field-Gersh:for sure. Yeah. So they can find me. I'm guessing that everything will be kind of linked to the show notes, but my website, which is Tamar. It's so funny. I always forget these things. Okay. Tamar coaching. com. I should actually remember that because it could not be simpler. Tamar, T A M A R coaching. com. And then on Instagram, I actually also have to look it up because I'm constantly changing my name. But I think that my name nowadays is my name, which is at Tamar, T A M A R field, F I E L D. Gersh, G R S H, all with no spaces. So Instagram is great as well as you can always shoot me an email, which you can get from my website. I'm also on Facebook, so you can find me all over the place. I'm here. I'd love to connect.
Rebecca Sigala:Is there anything else that you want to share? For my listeners who are here and at the end of this conversation. So that means that they've connected to all of this. Is there anything else about bravery or about business or about life that you want to end on?
Tamar Field-Gersh:Wow. Last final words. I mean, I think we said a lot. I think we said it all. I think that I would just really say to keep it simple. I think in a world and in a life where there's just like, you know, you can have a million tabs opened on your computer and a million voice messages. We're just so bombarded a million reels. We can get distracted with all those kinds of things. But when it comes to connecting to you and making decisions and knowing what's right and feeling in. If this is a brave thing I want to be doing or I don't want to be doing if it's coming. Yeah Coming for me or not to really tap into just like going quiet in this like place To understand and connect to like really making it simple for yourself, allowing your body to be the one who knows your body will always be the one who knows your body will always be the one who's whispering for which direction your body is smart
Rebecca Sigala:as hell.
Tamar Field-Gersh:Your body is smart as hell. Your body. I always say my, my body is my business coach. Um, if I'm making a big decision, she's my business coach, her and the beach, um, and the competition is perfect, but she always knows. So if I'm having a hard time making a decision because my brain is trying to solve it and she's not, cause she likes to make everything very complex and very self doubty and very da da da da, I will go quiet and I will drop in and I will say out loud one decision and then feel it in my body and then I'll say out loud the other choice. And feel it in my body and decide from there which direction to go to keep it really simple. I
Rebecca Sigala:think it's just so inspiring to hear about your story going from feeling like you completely lost yourself to being in this place where you're so connected to yourself and living a life that feels really juicy and fun and authentic to you. I hope that it really gives women that hope that it's. It's so, so possible. And one thing that I saw before I got on this call with you is that it was a quote that came up, I think, I don't know, Facebook or Instagram or something. It said that when you're being your authentic self, you align your people to you and they, they're attracted to you. And I just kind of smiled right as we were getting on this call, because I'm like, yeah, of course I'm having this conversation with Tamar because I also feel like I'm in that place of. Really not saying it's perfect all the time or life doesn't ebb and flow. Of course it does, but really prioritizing myself and my wants and my needs and living the life that I want to live and then everything else. It fills in the cracks. Like, it all comes. Exactly. Isn't that metaphor
Tamar Field-Gersh:so amazing? Beautiful. Yeah. I'm gonna use it, girl. I'm softly thinking about it. Like, Exactly. So beautiful. 100%. Completely in agreement. And yeah, I just want to say, I think for, you know, a lot of people, I think the biggest thing for us is kind of like, We're constantly like, Oh, but not us. You know, I hear her story, but not me. You know, I know she probably had this or that, whatever, all these things. Maybe she had, maybe she had money. Maybe she had support. I mean, like I'm telling you, none of those things. And I just had clarity that things needed to change. That was the first step. And again, like everything I say, it's like step by step. You can also know and be clear and be like, I know I need to change things and not even change them right away. You can hold on to like, I know this needs to change, but not right now. And that's okay too. And then when you're ready for that next step, okay, now I'm going to figure out how I can change this. I'm going to do research on how I can get this first help. Maybe I'm going to call Rebecca and I'm going to sign up for a consult. And I'm going to book myself one of those photography unbelievable. I'm going to say, I can't ever remember how to say, But it's really step by step, and that really was, it really was step by step, and it did not happen overnight, and it's still happening. I'm still in this, I'm still in this, will be the rest of my life. Um, so, But it's, it's, it is very, it is very possible. And if you are committed to it, it's inevitable to happen is the bottom line.
Rebecca Sigala:Yeah.
Tamar Field-Gersh:So
Rebecca Sigala:committed to it and committed to yourself. Exactly. So good. Thank you so much.
Tamar Field-Gersh:Thank you. This was so fun. So fun. I'm so glad we had this time and we connected in our conversation,
Rebecca Sigala:but it was great. Thank you. And thank you all for listening. Yeah.