Am I Worthy of Good Things?

In this episode, I talk about my recent personal experience of hiring help for my home and all the surprising mental blocks that came up around it. Women in particular have such a hard time investing in themselves and getting the support they want and need. Often these limiting beliefs are subconscious yet they hold us back from living and appreciating life fully. Get ready for your own mindset shift after listening to this episode.

You, too are worthy and deserving of good things.

I would love to hear from you on Instagram!
https://www.instagram.com/rebeccasigalaboudoir

Transcript

Rebecca Sigala: 0:00

Hey guys, welcome back to the body image revolution. I have a story and a concept to share with you guys today. And I was thinking, how do I do this? Do I make a Instagram reel? Do I write a long post? And then I remembered I have a podcast and here I am. I'm back. I love being here. I know so many of you have been listening. Even when I'm not posting new episodes. So thank you so much. Like, honestly, it's such an honor to have your ears and your hearts. And I love going on this journey with you. So what I want to share with you today is. This concept of investing in ourselves and it's really fucking hard. Like it's so annoying how hard it is to invest in ourselves and we don't even realize that it's so hard. It's a lot of times, a lot of subconscious messaging. I know that for me, like growing up, my mother. For instance, she didn't necessarily invest anything in herself. It was like the classic martyr of the family and didn't want to, you know, spend money to get her nails done or do something nice for herself. Like only very rarely on very special occasions would she spend time and money on only herself. And I definitely was raised with this mentality. And even though. I don't think my personality is naturally like that. I had so much guilt every single time that I did something for myself. I remember sneaking away to like get my nails done or get a massage as a teenager, even though it was my own money. So these are things that I personally have had to work through. And so I really get it when other women tell me that. It's so hard for them to invest this time and money in themselves for either the new sexy or boudoir experiences. Especially because it's a lot of times seen as a luxury, even though we don't necessarily see that that way for ourselves, because we see like the deep and meaningful transformation that comes along with it. Many of you guys know that my husband's in the reserves and I don't have family here in Israel that can help me consistently. And I'm running this amazing business, which has been giving me so much. And so many women, so much during this challenging time. I also have three kids. I have a 13 year old and 11 year old and a four year old. And for the past five months, I've. Just felt like I've been drowning, not necessarily like in the work sphere, but mostly when it comes to the kids and the housework. I'm so passionate about my work and my job and it just comes very naturally to me. And that's like where I want to put my time and energy. And then when I get home, I'm just Wiped and drained and I don't have anything else and I don't have the help. And it's, it's been definitely a challenge. So I was talking to my therapist about this and she's like, why don't you have someone come and help you at home? And I'm like, I do, I have this cleaner that comes once a week for an hour and a half and it's helpful, but you know, we still have to like get ready for the cleaner and this and that. And she's like, that's not enough. You're basically solo parenting right now. And she reminded me that I have no problem investing in my business, investing thousands of shekels to build our studio, pay for a coach, hire a talented assistant, have the best makeup artists, have the best equipment, the best gifts, the best albums for my clients. Like I can invest in those things in literally a blink of an eye. And I just do those things. Like sometimes it's a little bit difficult, but like I always do it. I always see the return of investment on it. And she offered that maybe I have some kind of subconscious belief that I should be able to do all the housework on my own, and that I have this belief that I should not only be able to have my career and take care of myself and All of my clients, but also do everything at home and the laundry and the dishes and the food prep and everything should run smoothly. Even though we're in this unprecedented time. And I don't have my partner who is also my business partner to help share this load. And I'm like, no, I don't have that subconscious belief. Like I don't care if I do the laundry or make food. Like that doesn't. contribute to my worth or how I feel about myself, I'm really super passionate about my career and like, I'm okay with getting help. If I could get help, I would. And then I thought about it. I'm like, but I don't, I barely ever get help for things that are in my home. I don't hire help. I hire help for my business. I, you know, invest in therapy and coaching for myself, but at home, like, I do have this belief that I should be able to just figure it out. And I thought about like the things that I would want. And I'm like, you know, what would be really amazing. It would be amazing to have a chef. And I know someone who has this business where she. Is a chef, like a regular type of chef, but she also comes to people's homes and does food prep for the week. And I'm like, wow, that would be so incredible. But my first thought was I'm not successful enough to have a personal chef. Like I have to have more money to justify something like that. Like, no way I could not do that. And I was talking to my therapist a little bit more and my therapist is just, a queen. She's so amazing. And she really encouraged me to think about this more deeply and actually consider it for myself. And I did say like, well, maybe it's not as pricey as I think it is. And I should just at least look into it. So I decided to call this person that I know who is incredible as well. Her name's Elana. And I just inquired about her services and. I got the prices and all the information and what it would take. And she's like, I can come on Sunday and I go to the grocery store and buy everything beforehand. And then I come to your house and I prep the food and I put them all in containers in your fridge, I clean everything up. Like she does a full service experience. And I was just like, Oh my God, this sounds amazing. Incredible. So I was like, okay, I really want to do this, but I want to think about it for a couple of hours. And I went to my husband and I'm like, okay, this is the deal. I know that you're going to be gone for the entire week, this coming week. And this is what the chef does. And this is what my therapist said. And I had all these butterflies in my stomach, even just considering this and investing the money in myself and my home. And. My husband was just like, do it, like, just do it. He's like, I'm going to be gone. This is going to help you so much. This is going to be amazing. Just do it. Don't even think about it. And. As we were talking about it, I realized I haven't been nourishing myself with food in the way that I want to. I've been so tired and burnt out. Like the only energy I have, I give to my business and to my clients. And this would help me on so many levels, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. And I'm like, Okay. Took a deep breath, wrapped my mind around it. I'm going to gift this to myself and that I decided last week. It's Monday now. So Sunday was when she came, which was yesterday and leading up to her coming, I was so excited. A little bit nervous, but like so excited that she was coming and I was preparing for her to come, getting my kitchen ready and thinking about what I want. I had to choose what things I want on the menu and talk to her about my kids preferences and things like that. And then as Sunday morning rolled around this wave of emotions just like hit me like a brick. And I felt like shit, like I dropped my kids off at school and I just like sat in the car for. I don't know how many minutes I felt nauseous, like sick to my stomach, guilty, total fucking imposter syndrome. Like, who was I to do this? Why couldn't I just find a few hours and make some food in advance? should I be spending this money? I know we have other things that we need to prioritize and invest in. I was just like self conscious about everything and even about my apartment and my kitchen. And that really surprised me that I was so self conscious about that. I thought like the chef would judge me, like, why are you hiring a private chef when you have a kitchen like this, like, Who the hell are you? What are you doing? And at that moment, when I realized I was thinking about her judgment or my judgment on myself or what my friends might even think, I was like, Whoa, I have so much shit around this. And I didn't even realize. And I also, at the same time, had this epiphany, like, this is exactly what my clients go through when they're deciding to invest in a boudoir experience. Cause when we invest in ourselves, like just for ourselves with things that might seem like a luxury to other people, even like therapy for a lot of people seems like a luxury, but we know in our gut with our intuition and that It would be really good for us. And it has the potential to literally transform our lives. It's still so fucking hard to do. Like we, as women, especially have so much resistance to it. And it was really surprising that like, I didn't realize I was holding myself back so much. Like based on what other people might think about me, I didn't want to tell my friends about this. I didn't want to do a podcast about it. I didn't want to share about it. Cause I was like, Oh, you know, on social media, when I share in my stories, I like to talk about things that, you know, I do for myself, self care and this would relate to that, but. Even just thinking about sharing it on social media was so scary. Cause I'm like, what are people going to think about me? Are they going to think like, I'm just so rich and I just toss my money around or that I'm, you know, a princess and I can't, I don't know. I don't know what I thought people would think, but I definitely had. So much fear around it. And that also made me realize, Oh my gosh, this is something that I have to do. And it's something that I really need to feel and work through. And I know that there's something really. Incredible for me on the other side of this, this was really an opportunity for me to like level the fuck up in my life, not just in my business, but in my life as a person who really feels like she is deserving of good things in life of comfort, of joy, of happiness, of luxury. why was I pushing so much against that? And I know that I've invested in myself. Many times over the years, I've invested in my business a lot that is without a question, but I've also invested in my family. I've hired a parenting coach. I've, done things in terms of like health that we need to invest in that we don't necessarily need to. Quote unquote need I've invested in my home to make it beautiful. I've invested so much money and time in therapy, and I've never done those things without a huge return of investment. And I can say that with a lot of understanding and sincerity, I'd like to think that when I decide to do something, I do have the sense of intuition that it's right for me, or it's wrong for me. And. Really? I've never done anything that hasn't paid off in some way. And even if it didn't pay off in the way that I thought it was going to, I always learned something so deeply important about myself. So I was sitting in my car and I just, Allowed myself to feel these feelings. I even like messaged my therapist and I let myself just feel shitty and I wasn't going to cancel it. I wasn't going to freak out, but I needed to just let myself be. And then the chef came and first of all, she told me how cute my kitchen was and how well equipped it was and how she doesn't know what I was even talking about. And she proceeded to make. The most amazing, nourishing, plentiful food for the entire week. Like dinners for every single night plus leftovers, and it was just like, incredible. I walked into the most. Incredible aromas and tons of food beautifully packaged. And I just felt so taken care of and whole and at peace with my decision. It was just like this huge burden was lifted off of me and. Yeah. It was just this sense that I was deeply cared for, which is something that like I personally really need. And I know a lot of human beings and women especially really need to be cared for because we're always caring for other people. And it wasn't just cared for by like the chef or by my husband or my therapist encouraged me to do this. I also just felt cared for by myself because I decided to do this for me. And that is so deep and powerful. And honestly, it's only one day later, but I feel like a different person. I was like a different mother last night. I was able to have like the sweetest bedtime routine with my four year old. Like she took a bath and even though she was like crying hysterically, I had the patience to really, you know, Be there with her and go through it. We read a book and she went to bed early. And then my friend messaged me about this last minute workshop for preventing childhood sexual abuse. And normally by eight 15 at night, I would be wiped and totally not able to go to something like that. But I asked my big kids if they could babysit. And I was like, you know what, that's also really important. I have the energy to do it. So like, why not? We had this amazing dinner of. Salmon and vegetables and potatoes. And my son who he's a very picky eater. He had like seconds and then thirds and everyone was eating vegetables and I felt so good about that. And so, yeah, I was able to go to this workshop and I made all the lunches in advance for the next day. I had like meaningful conversations with my bigger kids and it was just. A wonderful night and it wasn't like, Oh, this is so outside of the norm or something that I can't access in the future. Like it wasn't just like me being on this high. It was really just the energy level in my body feeling like, wow, I do have so much capacity for other things because I didn't have to Go to the store and decide what I'm going to make and then make it and do it while all the kids are screaming and wanting a million different things. And then I make it and then I put it on the table and then nobody comes. And then I have to encourage people to eat and then encourage people to help me clean up and clean the dishes and do it all over again the next day. And. I just realized how much, not only physical energy but emotional energy that goes into it and how that, that specifically for me can be very, very draining. I'm sure that we all have certain areas in our lives that take more energy or take less, but for me, that was something that was just, you know, heavy on me and I wasn't able to move through it in the way that I want to. And at that moment, I'm like, even just this night, like just this night in this day, it's worth every single penny. And what is underneath that is I am worth every penny and we're not taught that. So it's really hard to Really believe it in your bones. Like you can logically be like, yeah, of course I'm worth it. I'm deserving of good things. I'm deserving of a comfortable life, but to really feel that deeply in your bones. And that can be really difficult depending on the upbringing that you have and the community that you live in and the things that have happened or haven't happened in your life, the trauma and stuff like that. And like what's the answer to this? Like how do we overcome this? And I think one of the things that we just actually just have to keep doing is investing in ourselves even when it's scary, even when we have this resistance and just like keep doing it until it feels like our new normal. Cause if I would have just like, you know, when I freaked out on Sunday, I'd be like, okay, no, nevermind. Like I don't have the money for this. And like, what am I doing? And I should just go to Rami levy and just figure it out myself. I wouldn't have been able to experience this transformation in myself and in my home. But also work through these blocks, these deep subconscious blocks that I have about feeling worthy and deserving of feeling comfortable and joyous and all the things that we all deserve. And it's still really on my mind that. I really cared about being judged by other people because that's something that's so not the norm for me at this point in my life, especially working on my relationship with my body and letting go of what other people think of me and my body and really caring more about my own opinion. And I think, Even when you're on this journey and you're evolving and you care less and less about what other people think. First of all, we're still human. Those things still come up. But secondly, I think there's just things that are subconscious that we don't realize that we do or we don't do based on what society expects from us and what our community does, what our friends do or don't do. We kind of just like, Live our lives based on these preconceived notions of like, what should or shouldn't be. And we stay small for other people's comfort or even for our own comfort so that we won't experience that discomfort when we level up in ways like this. And we'll never be able to grow if we stay small like that. that we have to experience this discomfort and these emotions and. It's just, the hard truth. It's the hard truth. We have to go through it and it's always. Always, always worth it. We always learn things about ourselves and boudoir is the exact same way. I've photographed for sure. Well over a thousand women, maybe close to 2000 women in the last 11 years. And I see my clients doing this, like going outside of their comfort zone to invest in themselves like this. Over and over again. And a lot of them have never invested that much time or money or energy in themselves before. And just doing that transform them, let alone the whole experience of seeing themselves in a new light and embracing their sexuality and exploring new terrains and different parts of themselves. Like. Really gaining that confidence through the experience is one thing, but even before that, just the idea that they invested in themselves and they did this scary thing gives them so much pride and confidence that they can do that again and again. And just, it's this real proclamation that we are worthy of that. We are worthy of our own love. so I just wanted to share that with you today. I hope that. This helps you guys start to think about your own subconscious blocks or ways that you're staying small because of fear of judgment or fear of your own judgment, or just because that's the way that society is and the way that things have always been, but to really think about the things that you desire and how you can incorporate that in your life right now, because I thought a personal chef was like, Way, way down the line. Like, I didn't think that I could do something like that right now at this moment in my life, and then I'm like, why, why am I doing that? That's what so many people do. Like one day I'll do that. When I have this much money, then I can do that. When I feel like this, then I can do that. You know, when I lose weight, then boudoir session one day, one day, one day. And. This is our life right now. Life and time is so, so precious. And when we say one day, and we don't believe that we are worthy of feeling good in this moment, then we will continue to push off feeling good about ourselves. We continue to push off living the life that we want to live, And it just takes so much longer and we might never get there. So yeah. Wow. It's just, it's so eyeopening to me. It's such a revelation. And. I really surprised myself with this, with, you know, the blocks that I had, but also how much growth can happen from just something as simple as this. I'm worthy. You're worthy. Like feel this resistance, feel all this fear and do it anyway. Just do it. We only have one life. This is our time. And this is your time. You are deserving of the things that you desire. You are deserving to feel good about yourself. To feel good about your body. Not when, not if. Not in the future, but now, all right, guys, I hope that you got something valuable from this. I know that I did, and I'd love to hear your thoughts. Feel free to reach out to me on Instagram, on Facebook, to my email. I'd love to hear from you guys. I know that you guys have been listening. All All of these weeks, even when I haven't been posting podcasts, and it's just such an honor to have you on this journey with me. And it's an honor to be on your journeys with many of you as well. So thank you. I hope you have a wonderful day and a wonderful week until next time.