My Unpopular Beliefs About Body Image

This episode starts by sharing how things are going, and then we dive into taking up space in the world and why our voices and opinions matter. I share 5 unpopular beliefs I hold as a body image coach and how going against the grain is a good thing!

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Transcript

Rebecca Sigala: 0:00

Hello, sexy people. Welcome back to the Body Image Revolution. First off, I need to thank everyone who has reached out to me recently and told me how much they're loving this podcast. I cannot tell you how much it means to me. I had been wanting to start a podcast for many, many years before I started this one, I think it was last December. And I could not imagine being very eloquent, or speaking to a microphone for that long, but I thought about it all the time and I was held back by every possible fear and just even logistical stuff. But what I realized is that first of all, this is so freaking important, and it's not just speaking into a microphone. I'm literally speaking to all of you, which is why it means so much when I hear from you guys. I deeply care about what you're going through and your own body image journey. Actually, last week someone reached out to me and they had just signed up for headshots and she's like, I know I'm not a boudoir client. I'm not a body image client, but I wanted to share this story with you and how I'm improving with my body image. and then she said, but you probably won't care. And I was like, what? Like this is literally what I live for. Of course I care. And then we had a conversation. It was so beautiful, and I'm always constantly in the dms having conversations like that, so please know that I do deeply care about what you're going through and I'm happy to chat if you want to reach out. And that's why it also makes me just so happy to be able to offer these episodes to you. Because they have the potential to transform your life, even before we ever work together. If we ever work together. You don't have to work with me to benefit from all of this, which is so cool to me. I've never felt so sure about a platform, and this just feels right, and I'm excited to have more people on, explore new topics, and just share everything with all of you. We are not alone on this journey. You are not alone. I've got your back, babe. So with that, I have a little request for you. If you are a fan of this podcast and you're getting a lot out of it, just take a moment to think of at least one woman that you know who would most likely love it just as much as you do, and just share the link with them. There is honestly not enough information out there about body image and learning how to love yourself, like actually love yourself, and I want as many women to hear this as possible. So thank you in advance. I love that you are part of this revolution with me. I don't know about you guys, but this summer has been a little bit of a daze. I definitely hit some burnout moments and I'm currently in the process of like returning back to myself and doubling down on my self-care and I share this with you because I want you to know that this is normal. The idea that we need to be perfect and like consistent about self-care is total bullshit and it's perfectionism and it's just diet culture inspired bullshit. And of course it still affects me. I live in this world, and it definitely has improved over the years. I consider myself a recovering perfectionist. It used to be something that really affected my life. If I couldn't do something perfectly, I would just like not do it at all, or I would procrastinate it. Just like I was telling you about this podcast, and then once I realized, hey, this doesn't need to be perfect and it actually should not be perfect because that's the whole fucking point of my message and what I wanna get out in the world, then it was so much easier for me to just like get on board with it and here I am. So with that, I'm kind of like ready for summer to be over. I'm more of an autumn, fall type of girl, and I love the cool breezes and the light sweatshirts and the routine of it all kind of makes me miss Minnesota and like all the leaves and colors and how beautiful it is in the fall. In Israel, the fall doesn't come until like at least October. And then we have all the Jewish holidays in September. So I'm really looking forward to October And then at that time, I'm actually gonna be starting to take applications for The New Sexy, which is my signature group coaching program. And personally, I'm always like reinspired, by this time, this Fall Air, it's just my favorite season to do the Juicy Inner work. And oh my God, you guys. This round of The New Sexy has been so, so good. We are at week nine and we're at a really fun module called Life Design, which is focused on creating the life that we actually desire and a life that facilitates an environment that will help us feel better in our bodies and about our bodies. It's a huge part of the work that we're doing. The module includes videos and worksheets and journal prompts about creating and decorating our physical homes and curating our closet and our wardrobe, and elevating our personal style. It's so fun. I'm so into aesthetics, of course, like I am a photographer and I love art and creative things. I love decor and fashion and makeup and all that stuff. And for every woman that looks very different, but it's important for us to do the things that make us feel good, for us. And part of leading up to this module is learning how to differentiate what we are doing for ourselves versus what we've been doing for other people, or just because society expects it out of us. So it's really amazing to be able to implement that thought work that we have done already into something very, very tangible like our home and our style. It becomes a beautiful manifestation of the inner work that we've been doing in elevating our self concept, which is kind of like the boudoir experience actually. Very much like the boudoir experience, where the photos are, the tangible representation of showing the fuck up for yourself, and then going through this beautiful transformational process. But anyway, this round of the new sexy has really been so good. The results that women have been seeing are truly out of this world. I remember thinking after the first coaching call, I was like, okay, that's it. Course over everyone has changed the way they see themselves. I'm just joking. But it really is that powerful. Every single coaching call every day on WhatsApp, each journal prompt. Sometimes all it really takes is a moment to change the way you see yourself. One of my clients literally just told me last week that she's gonna start her business that she's been thinking about doing for years. Like what? How fucking amazing is that? I am so excited for her and it's been amazing to watch her go through this course. She's feeling more connected to her body, like in tune with what it needs, putting a lot of intention into her self-care. Having lots of realizations about herself and overall being more accepting of her body, like being able to look at her body postpartum and say, yeah, you're enough. I think I can accept you now, which is so huge, and I know that you all know how big that is. When we change the thoughts we have about ourselves, that changes our lives in every way, then we feel brave enough to do the things that we've always wanted to do, like start a business. We see ourselves differently and we see ourselves as capable and talented and beautiful. And then that helps us show up more fully. If you want to hear more about how body image and business is connected, you can jump back to my episode called Loving Your Body Can Make You Rich. There's lots of gems there. So this client, she's starting her business. My other client, she wore a bikini on the beach last week and she did not care about her judgy family members. And another client has been talking to and helping her teenage daughter love her body more when she was not sure how to approach it before. And then someone else was able to completely give herself the time that she needs when she was sick, which she didn't normally do. She would always feel guilty about it and kind of like push herself and push her body, but she did it without feeling guilty about it and, I mean, there's just a lot less guilt in general in The New Sexy, less guilt for speaking up, for creating boundaries in their businesses, for eating foods they love, for not being quote unquote perfect all the time. It's really, really amazing. In just nine weeks, these women have changed the way they think and talk to themselves and that's changed everything. It's changed how present they are, how connected they are to their bodies and to other people. How they show up in their businesses and at their jobs, how they parent. Like, it just goes on and on. Body image is kind of important, guys. You know that I think that it's literally the foundation of everything. So in addition to the New Sexy, I also have the Embody Image Community. That's a community that I created after the first round of the new Sexy. It's a continuation after the 12 weeks, and almost every woman in that first round opted to stay in the community and receive monthly coaching calls and bonus classes and materials, and they're all just continuing to deepen their relationships with their bodies and stay in a community that is like-minded and supportive. The level of self-awareness, oh my gosh, the compassion that they have for themselves, it is insane. It is so amazing. They now know how to be kind to themselves even when negative body image thoughts come up and how to reroute them so that it doesn't negatively impact them as much as it did in the past. And we're talking about how to take up more space in the world, how to use our voice about the things that we really care about, how to help other people love their bodies more. How to be a role model for our kids, how to love themselves through body changes like weight gain and aging even more deeply. How to love themselves through that and continue to change the landscapes of their own lives, and the world at large. It's big stuff. I'm just in love with what I do. I can't explain how fulfilling and special and unique it is, and I'm so happy that you're here and I get to share it with all of you. So I think that's a pretty good update. Usually I don't have this long of an update, but let's get into the topic for today, which kind of connects to what I was just saying. Changing the landscape of the world. One of the things that I have not been great at is keeping my mouth shut. Using my voice has not been something that I've struggled with at least recently. Like when I say that, I think about. You know when I was in elementary school and high school and middle school and just like super afraid to speak up, afraid to present in front of class and stuff like that, not that it's like super easy all the time now. But I really cannot keep quiet about the things that I stand for. I am happy to face the discomfort. I don't know about happy, but I am willing to face the discomfort if it means that there is value in saying something that just needs to be said. So over the years, becoming more and more, understanding that my voice deeply matters, has given me the confidence to do a lot of things, like write articles for publications, be on the news, post vulnerably on social media, share things that other people are not willing to talk about publicly, do this podcast, have healthy relationships with people in my life. Like it just goes on. And I am sure little Becca would be looking at myself now in complete awe. So underneath knowing that our voice matters, it's feeling that we matter and that we are significant and worthy, and that we don't need to do anything to achieve that. It's not an achievement. It's not something we do. It's something that is innate. And comes with being alive. Our worthiness is innate. You do not have to do anything to achieve worthiness. Okay? Okay. What I wanna share with you today in hopes of, inspiring you to find your own voice is sharing some things that set me apart from other coaches and mental health or body image professionals. These are beliefs that I hold onto that go against the grain of what I see and hear a lot of people talking about in similar spaces. And that's a good thing that makes me unique, that makes all of you guys wanna listen to this podcast because, how boring would it be if I just decided to agree with everything that I've been told about body image? The fact that I've had 10 years, like a decade real life experience in this field makes it different. It makes my perspective different because it's not necessarily based on scientific research study. It's based on the thousands of women that I've worked with and the inner work that I've done for myself. Of course, I've done my own research as well, but I would say that more of my beliefs and opinions have been formed by the actual inner work that I've done and facilitated for other people. And I'm also not everyone's cup of tea. Like, oh my God, you guys, I just posted this very hot, like BDSM-y inspired boudoir image on my Instagram yesterday, and I lost like over 10 followers and it made me happy. I smiled because when that happens, I know that my work is repelling the people that don't resonate with it, or connect with it deeply. And then I'm bringing in the people like you that are my fucking people, my tribe. I don't need everyone to like me. I don't want everyone to like me. First of all, it's not possible. And second of all, if more people were like, oh yeah, she's cool, but like, I don't know if she's that interesting, that would probably be a result of me coming across very vanilla, very general, and people pleasing. And I think I've definitely done that in some ways over the years. And now, as you guys know, I'm in my bad bitch era, so I'm not doing that anymore. Coming to this whole realization is very, very liberating. So please take that thought for yourself and run with it. Okay, so today I'm going to share some of these unpopular pretty fantastic beliefs that I hold. The first one is that it is really important, really fucking important for women to actually feel beautiful. I feel that a lot of body image advice goes against that. They tell us that we shouldn't care about our appearance, that it doesn't matter, even though when you look around, you see how valued it is in our society and people are feeling that way. So my take on it is that we deserve to like how we look, we deserve to love how we look, and that doesn't mean that we need to change our bodies to fit into societal standards. I think that when people say, Well, I just wanna like the way that I look, they automatically think about losing weight or doing something to change their appearance, but we don't have to do that. We can do that through the work that I do. Changing the way you see yourself. So body positivity or improving your body image is not just not caring about how you look. It's really that we're changing our perception of bodies, of beauty and seeing ourselves in a new light. And that's not just a nice to have thing. That's necessary. I really think women have this innate desire to feel beautiful, to feel desired, to feel loved, like it's a human thing. And then people always just say like, oh, just focus on the insides or Be grateful for what your body can do. Like, okay, great, I can breathe, I can walk, but I still see myself as undesirable. So that's just not helpful at all. It's important to see ourselves as physically beautiful, not just beautiful on the inside or functional. So my second unpopular belief is similar in some ways. Is that our kids need to hear us say that they are beautiful too. I have spoken with so many women who told me that either their parents just like never spoke about appearance or anything like that growing up, or maybe they did, but specifically they were not told that they were beautiful and both of those things were super harmful to them and their self-perception and their body image, which makes sense. As a mother, I cannot imagine thinking anything differently about my own kids. Like if I'm thinking that, why would I withhold a compliment that I'm thinking about them? The problem only comes when we're hyper-focused on appearance and we equate our appearance with our worth. That can be very problematic. But just complimenting a child on how cute or beautiful or handsome they are, that's necessary for them to be able to perceive themselves in that way. They're not gonna just magically think that they're beautiful. Especially because society has set us up not to love our bodies. Maybe if we lived in a completely different society, they would magically think they're beautiful, because if you think about babies, they don't hate their bodies. They're curious, they love their bodies, and somewhere along the way that changes. So we need that affirmation from our parents that, we're beautiful. And then my third unpopular opinion is interesting. It's a big one. It's that body neutrality. This concept of being neutral about your appearance versus loving it is a cop out. I know it sounds harsh, but I really see it as vanilla body acceptance. Like, just kind of blah. People don't believe that it's possible to actually love their bodies, and I know that it is because I've seen it for myself and my clients. It's a hundred percent possible to learn how to love your body, and that loving your body is not the stale kind of vibe, which is like, oh, I don't care how I look, or it doesn't matter, or I don't have a feeling about it either way, or maybe like I know that I'm ugly, but I don't care. I hear that a lot Or like, I don't feel good about my body and I don't care. Like all of that is one step of the process. So if we think about radically loving ourselves and we believe that we're beautiful and sexy, I honestly believe that body neutrality and like holding onto that holds us back from self-actualization. Like can you imagine how your life would be different if you really deeply loved the way you looked? And how fun and sexy and delicious, that's the kind of life that I stand for. Don't get me wrong here. Body neutrality is amazing when it comes to being a step on our journey from going from really not liking our bodies to being pretty neutral about it, that's huge. It's such a significant step. And some people need that and some people actually don't. Like just thinking about it now, I don't think I ever really used neutrality as a step for myself because it just doesn't have to be a step. You can go from not liking your body to loving your body or parts of your body much, much more quickly than you realize. So to sum all of that up, I do not believe that body neutrality should be the ultimate goal, and there is way more possibility for us than that. All right, so the next thing, and you might initially be like, wait, didn't you just say the opposite, but hear me out guys. Everything about body image, if you haven't noticed already, is very, very, very nuanced. Ready? Okay. It is 1000% okay to not love your body right now. Wait, didn't you just say that we shouldn't settle for body neutrality and that we should learn to love our bodies radically. The thing is, part of learning to love your body is becoming aware of where you are right now and being compassionate to yourself in that place. You cannot start really loving your body from a place of shame, like when you're looking at yourself and being like, Okay, you shouldn't care about this. Get over it. Come on. I thought you were over these body insecurities already. That's feeling bad for already feeling bad about ourselves and it's not helpful or kind. And if you stay there, it's going to take you so much longer to get to the place that you want of radically loving and accepting your body. Radical self-love is more about being compassionate to yourself than feeling good about yourself every day. Of course you're going to have all of those amazing moments when you improve your body image, when you look in the mirror and you get all the feels and you feel sexy when you try something on. And all of the things that I've mentioned over this podcast. But, what about when life isn't super easy? What about when life ebbs and flows? What about when you have a harder day? Meeting yourself with the compassion and understanding that you need is what will help you shift out of that place much more quickly. And girl, it's fucking normal. There's nothing wrong with you. You are not broken for having body image struggles. It's okay. And you are okay right now. My work provides the space for my clients to be sad, angry, and to grieve, while also at the same time making small but significant shifts towards loving their bodies. Okay, so this one is gonna be pretty quick. I think. You know how sometimes in the pursuit of body positivity, people say things like, real women have curves, or if they see a woman in a larger body, they're like, there's more to love. And it seems pretty innocent, but it's not. And I'm gonna share why in a second. First, I want to say that yes, women in larger bodies have a very different experience living in the world. They're constantly shamed, both consciously and subconsciously. They are discriminated against in many different ways. They often don't receive proper healthcare because their doctors are so focused on their weight and not their actual health. They can't fit into airplane seats and roller coaster rides. It is not easy to be living in a larger body in this world today, and it's disgusting. I want to change this so badly. Even with all of these experiences that women in larger bodies face, it truly does not matter what size you are. Diet culture came for all of us, and it got us. We all struggle with our body image in some way. It doesn't matter if you're in a smaller body or a mid-size body or a larger body. I think it's really important to differentiate treatment and inclusivity versus body image struggles because they're not the same. So I think that in efforts to be inclusive, people tend to say those things like real women have curves to make women in larger bodies feel better. But this is just glorifying another body type and it's not right. Because what are you saying then? Thin women are not real women, and believe me, thin women often have a lot of body insecurities about having small breasts or being too thin or whatever it may be. So these phrases just perpetuate those insecurities. All women are real women. All bodies are good bodies, period. Guys, I just, I believe in a world where women are safe to exist in their bodies and they have the tools to learn how to love themselves. And I believe in a world where it's the norm for a woman to love herself exactly the way she is. Could you imagine if that was the norm? I believe that we all deserve to feel really damn good about our bodies, and I believe in the power of self-compassion and going through our emotions instead of avoiding them. I think that's a really amazing note to end off on. Believe me, I've got many more unpopular opinions if you wanna hear, but I just wanted to share some of those with you and I wanna share them just because, just because my voice matters and so does yours. I hope that this gives you some inspiration to think about things that perhaps you really care about, that may go against the grain of societal norms. What do you stand for? And I am kind of curious how you guys feel about my unpopular opinions and beliefs that I hold. So if you guys are on Spotify, drop a comment underneath this specific episode and don't forget to rate the show. Love y'all. See you next week.