The Body Image Revolution
Raw, unfiltered conversations about what it really takes to love your reflection, feel sexy in your skin, and build a legacy of radical self-love for yourself and future generations - without the toxic positivity or any of the BS.
Hosted by body confidence coach and boudoir photographer, Rebecca Sigala.
The Body Image Revolution
A Journey to Self-Love Amidst Chronic Pain With Melissa Taub
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In this episode, Melissa Taub shares her experience being diagnosed with Endometriosis and Fibromyalgia and how that has impacted her relationship with her body. Through boudoir and my group coaching program, The New Sexy, she was able to more deeply understand herself, trust her body, and truly change the way she perceives herself. It’s such an important episode for every woman, especially those dealing with any form of chronic illness or pain.
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Hello everyone. Welcome to the Body Image Revolution. Today I have a very special guest. She's someone who reached out to me a couple of years ago and now she's gone through a boudoir experience with me and she was a participant in the last round of the New Sexy, which is my group coaching program. It's been such an honor to watch her literally blossom even more so with the chronic pain that she struggles with from her endometriosis and fibromyalgia. So many women who have health struggles have told me that they have challenging feelings towards their bodies because they are not working in the way that they are, quote unquote supposed to. That can often lead to women feeling resentful or like their body betrayed them, or that they can't trust their bodies. So the fact that Melissa has come so freaking far on this journey and even shares that she feels like her and her body are on the same team is. Amazing. I'm so honored to have had this conversation with her, and I think you'll really enjoy it too. Melissa is just awesome. Hey, Melissa. I'm so glad that we finally got to sit down and have this conversation. I've been wanting to have you the podcast for so long.
Melissa TaubThanks for having me.
Rebecca SigalaOf course. So I'm excited to get into all the details about your story very shortly. But before we do that, can you give our audience a little bit of background info? Who are you, where are you from?
Melissa TaubI was born and raised in New York City. Mm-hmm. And I made Aliyah almost eight years ago. And I live in Tel Aviv. And I'm a UX product designer, in high tech.
Rebecca SigalaAmazing. And just for context for everybody. How old are you?
Melissa TaubI'm turning 31 next week.
Rebecca SigalaWoo. I didn't know your birthday was next week. That's so awesome. Yes. Coming up. Are you a, are you a Gemini?
Melissa TaubYes.
Rebecca SigalaOoh, love that. Awesome. So we met in like 2021, and I even remember like the first call I had with you, I felt a connection right away, and I remember this feeling of like, holy shit, am I gonna do this boudoir session? And you just like jumped in and decided to go for it. and then since then, it's been just such a beautiful journey to witness and I've loved just having you a part of my life. And even since the boudoir session, we continued to be in touch and then you ended up doing The New Sexy. and that really just all played a part of the bigger journey and the story that you've had. And I'm always so in awe of your strength and your resiliency and your desire for growth and self-awareness. It's really incredible. And I would love for you, if you feel comfortable to share a little bit with everyone about what your story is, what your relationship with your body has been for these past few years, and we'll kinda go from there.
Melissa TaubYeah. Happy to share. Um, so it started in June, 2020. I had emergency surgery for a ruptured ovarian cyst, and I actually had had my appendix removed the year before. So it was kind of the similar experience, similar pain. but the aftermath has been very different because after my surgery I woke up and they told me that I had endometriosis. Which they saw during surgery that the cyst that I had was called an endometrioma, which was specific for this kind of,
Rebecca Sigalaand this was like completely out of the blue. It wasn't something that you were expecting or had any previous awareness of?
Melissa TaubI never even heard of it. I mean, I, I had one friend on Facebook who, is very outspoken about it. Mm-hmm. Um, which actually helped me get more information. But before that I didn't really know much. I didn't have heavy periods, which is one of the symptoms for some people. So it was very just out of nowhere and I had to really learn about it. So endometriosis or endo, I'll call it for short, is when tissue similar to the endometrial lining in the uterus grows outside of the uterus. So it creates lesions and it can cause a lot of different issues like pelvic pain, digestive issues, fatigue, infertility. Like, there's a lot of different things that it can,
Rebecca Sigalayeah, I feel like I hear endometriosis come up more and more. Do you know the statistics, like how many women suffer from it?
Melissa TaubIt's, it's one in 10 women, but I really think that number is actually higher. Because I'm not sure how up to date that statistic is, but it actually takes an average of 10 years for women to get diagnosed. Wow. One of the reasons is that women are always told that like from the earliest age, that being a woman is painful and periods are supposed to be painful and not fun, which is not true. And the second reason is that like doctors don't always listen to women's pain. Um, yeah. So it takes a lot of time for a lot of people to get diagnosis. Some people wow, don't even have symptoms. So it's called silent endo, which is what I had. And you really only find out if something comes up like I had a ruptured cyst. Or some people find out only when they're dealing with infertility issues. I
Rebecca Sigalafeel like that is the experience of so many women in just society today. It's such a representation of women having certain experiences or being in pain, either physically or emotionally and just not being trusted or believed and women, learning to not trust their bodies.
Melissa TaubYeah, one of the hardest realizations I think I had through the whole experience was, That I really had to be my own advocate. Like even the most, well-meaning people don't know what I'm experiencing. And I've dealt with a lot of doctors that didn't really believe me or trust me, and I've learned to come with receipts and pictures and actual proof because my word is not always listened to. So that's wow, been one of the hardest things.
Rebecca SigalaAnd then that takes a lot of work within yourself to work on your self trust and to be like, okay, I feel this way. I need to advocate for myself. I trust myself. Like, that's not easy. That is not easy for anyone.
Melissa TaubYeah, I think my, my gut has only gotten stronger. I know when something's wrong. I understand my body more and I really learned to trust my own gut feeling and my voice and there's really no one else who knows what I'm going through besides myself, so I need to speak up.
Rebecca SigalaWow, that's amazing that you have gotten to that place. I'm sure that it's been a journey. Okay, so you were diagnosed with endometriosis, and then what happened?
Melissa TaubSo because I had never heard of Endo before my surgery and the first time I went to a specialist, I didn't know anything. I did my research and I like quickly tried to become an expert in this condition. And because I had silent endo, meaning that I didn't have so many of the symptoms. And I also wanna add here that, a lot of people don't know that the amount of endo that someone has doesn't always correlate to how much pain they're in. So that means someone can have minimal endo of like not so many lesions with severe pain, while other people can have a lot of lesions and no pain. So the one that, that you have a lot of endo and, and less pain is called silent endo, which is what I had, which is why I had no idea until they opened me up and saw it. So, because I didn't know anything about it and I didn't know if anything I was feeling was related to that, I decided to do a mental body scan and compile the list of all the general pain and health issues that I was experiencing and took it to the endo specialist and was like, okay, here's what I'm feeling. Is any of this related to endo? Cuz I had no, no idea. and he saw the list and he said that he wanted me to see a rheumatologist to rule out fibromyalgia, which was another condition I had never heard of before. Um, wow. And when I googled it, I was like, oh, he's not gonna roll this out. This sounds like me. Which is basically fibro is chronic pain throughout the body and it's. I like to say that it's like the diagnosis you get when other diseases and conditions are ruled out and you're still left with, with chronic pain. So that's the label that doctors put on it. And besides just general pain, there's other symptoms like fatigue, brain fog problems, and like hypersensitivity. So I went to the rheumatologist and when he asked me what hurts and when it hurts, it was actually the first time in my life that I actually said out loud, everything hurts all the time. Like I just didn't, I never realized that not everyone felt the way I was feeling. And I've had different physical pains my whole life, but I always was able to explain them for something that I was doing, meaning like I had knee issues and then when I wasn't strengthening my knees, then they would get worse. Or my back was, was bad because my knees weren't strengthened or I was sitting, incorrectly at my desk, so my arm and my neck and my upper back would hurt. So I always kind of put the blame on myself and everything is all connected. So I really just, and it happened gradually, so it's not like one day I woke up and I had this intense pain. It, it, it built. So I was always like, this is my fault. This is something I'm doing. I'm not taking care of myself. I never realized that there's an actual medical reason.
Rebecca SigalaThat's, that's so freaking hard. It's so hard with all the pressures that women already have in society today. And then on top of it, you have this inner critic that's telling you that like, you're messing up your body, you're doing things wrong, you're not good enough. Like, that's intense. Did you realize that you were having that narrative with yourself for so long? Or did you just start to realize it as you went deeper on your body image journey?
Melissa TaubI think I realized it once it became clear that this isn't normal feelings, like this isn't what everyone else feels. Cause I, I've been in, I was doing physical therapy for my knees and my back and then my arm and I had all these different things and I never really continued with the stretches. So it's like, oh, obviously that's my fault, but there's a bigger game at play that's not necessarily from something that I'm doing. So I think like,
Rebecca Sigalalike maybe something you could do would make it better, or maybe it's suggested, but that doesn't mean that you have this because of something that you did.
Melissa TaubRight.
Rebecca SigalaWow. Is there something that you would've told yourself before these diagnosises as advice? Like maybe someone is in a similar situation to you where they have these aches and pains, maybe they have pain around their period, or just pain in their body in general. Is there any advice that you could give them if they're listening to this and they're like, maybe that's me, or maybe that's something that I should look into.
Melissa TaubYeah, I think the biggest advice I can give is really listen to yourself and listen to your body. I think it's so easy for people, but especially women, to just disregard what they're feeling and not trust the experiences that they're having and if you feel like something is off, look into it. I'm happy for anyone to reach out to me for more information. There are a lot of different Facebook groups and specialists, in Israel and America everywhere, for all these different, conditions. And I think that just speaking about it is so important. Like after my surgery, I was talking to one of my best friends and she then discovered that she had endo through just me. Learning through you. Through talking to you. Yeah. And I gave her a book and I was like, here are all the symptoms. And she's like, wait, this seems very familiar. And just more and more people are talking about it. And the amount of people, amount of women that I meet that have endo is crazy. That's why I think the numbers are, it's a little higher than one in 10. Um, yeah. But it's, it's so common and it's only now starting to be spoken of. And I think it's very important to, to really trust yourself, trust your body, your experiences and talk to people about it.
Rebecca SigalaYeah. I mean, as a body image coach and someone who helps women heal their relationships with their bodies, I think self-trust and intuition is like the number one thing. It's actually, I don't know if you remember, but it's the first module in the course, and it wasn't always the first thing that I went to, but as I've worked with so many women, I realized that most of us don't trust ourselves because we've been taught the opposite. We've been taught that we shouldn't trust our bodies, we shouldn't trust our desires or our cues or our fullness or our hunger, or like literally anything. Like it's not just pain, also pain, but anything like we, we are just taught
Melissa Taubour experiences,
Rebecca Sigalathis is what you should do, and if you're not doing X, Y, and Z, then you're wrong, or you're bad, or you're broken.
Melissa TaubYeah.
Rebecca SigalaSo how does, and this is a really big question, so I'm curious to see what comes up for you, but how does this experience in your body and dealing with these struggles and these conditions affect the way that you interact with your body, treat your body, think about your body. Basically, how does it affect your body image overall?
Melissa TaubSo one thing before, I get into the body image part is I wanna explain a little bit more about the fibro and how like I feel in my body. I think the best way that I describe it is something that my osteopath explained to me is that he said that once in the past, something caused me pain and it set up an alarm in my central nervous system. Oh wow. Which is a normal response. Everyone has that if you get, if you feel pain and then an alarm goes off. Except that once that pain or injury went away, my alarm never went off. So my central nervous system stayed on high alert creating this hypersensitivity, which would recognize pain with normal things like regular touch or just normal interactions. So I, I had like someone giving you a hug or Yeah. Like one of the first questions might ask you if I remember. Wow. So it was like three years ago that one of the first questions he asked me, he was like, how often are you hugged? Because that is something that helps you calm your central nervous system. And it, and it was like during peak Corona, so I was like, I don't think that often. But he was like, yeah, go get hugs more. And it was really interesting. But, yeah, so it kind of like, my body was always in this fight or flight mode because it felt like it was being attacked. Like it, thought that it was being attacked and it had to be hypersensitive. Mm-hmm. So I had this. And luckily since the diagnosis and since I started working on it, I've been able to lower my sensitivity a lot. I'm in a much better place than I was three years ago, thankfully. And I think that it took a toll, I would say, physically and also especially like mentally and emotionally, because for a long time, before I even had the diagnosis, I felt like something was wrong with me. Like, why am I always exhausted? Or why does this hurt and that hurt? Like, mm-hmm. I, I, I didn't understand the extent of it, but I still knew that I was different from other people. Meaning like, I always joked that I was like the grandmother of my friend's group. Like I was like, just in my soul, but also like physically, like I always had aches and pains and shouldn't be feeling that at like 25. And then emotionally and mentally, many times I felt like my body was against me. Like it was a very hard relationship with my body because I didn't feel like we were always on the same team.
Rebecca SigalaYeah. I can completely see how that would manifest. It's like you feel that perhaps your body is betraying you or it's not working the way that you think that it should, or that is quote unquote healthy for you or something like that. Is that what you mean?
Melissa TaubYeah, and I think that was one of the main things that pushed me to do a boudoir shoot with you is that I really wanted to heal that relationship with my body. Like I had gone through two stomach surgeries. I was dealing with a lot of different health issues and I was, I think I would say I was angry at my body and I didn't wanna be angry like I wanted to, to, to coexist and be happy with it.
Rebecca SigalaWhat made you think about photography to do that or my boudoir experiences to help you do that?
Melissa TaubWell, I was following you for some time because I think I started following you, there was some kind of raffle giveaway, so on Instagram, so you follow everyone in themselves. And I started, started following you
Rebecca Sigalawas probably a long time ago.
Melissa TaubYeah. I think it was August, 2021. And I only reached out like November. November or September. And I actually had signed up for one of your like three day master classes. And it's so interesting when I look back at, at my emails at the timing, I had signed up for the class on like, let's say Sunday, and the class was starting the week later, but I had messaged you for a consultation and before the class even started, I had booked a shoot. Oh my gosh. I'm not really sure it was going through my head, but I think I was following you for so long that
Rebecca Sigalayou had like started when we decided on some level that this was something you wanted to do.
Melissa TaubI really did not think though that I was gonna leave the consultation with the session booked. I really was shocked, but I just spoke to you. We talked about our love of film photography and I was like, okay, I gotta do it. We both fell in love and I think I always, when I first started following you, in my head I was like, oh, I would love to do this for my future husband or a pregnancy shoot or, or something like that. I never thought of it as something for myself. And over time as I started following you more, and I think, and you always are, posting about like, this is for yourself, not for anyone else. And I realized like, yeah, this is something I need to do for myself. This is not for anyone else. It's not a gift for anyone else. It's a gift for myself.
Rebecca SigalaSo Beautiful. So how did the boudoir experience affect you and impact your life?
Melissa TaubWell, the experience itself, like the day of, and also I think the preparation is just as important, but the shoot itself was so much fun. I never wanted it to end. I loved it so much. And after the shoot, I saw like an immediate difference in how I felt about my body. Especially because we had done a lot of preparation of, like, I, I had planned out, certain things that I wanted us to accomplish. Like I wanted us to, celebrate my body and kind of heal my relationship with my body. And I felt that we did that a hundred percent right. And
Rebecca Sigalawe had our coaching call. You did the preparations, you went through the whole process leading up, and you really fully put yourself into it.
Melissa TaubYeah, and I remember, I, I think it was maybe a week before the actual shoot, I started getting very anxious about not being able to accomplish what I had set as my goal and kind of getting a bit in my head that like, okay, I need to get this done. What happens if I don't get it done? And I remember we spoke, you, you calmed me down.
Rebecca SigalaI also remember that we spoke. Yeah.
Melissa TaubAnd I was able to, to really let go. And I was like, okay, Rebecca's here. I told her everything I wanna get out of it. She has it. I trust her. And I was able to just show up and be present, which is not a typical thing for me, always. So it was really special.
Rebecca SigalaIt's not a small thing for anybody. Like I always tell women, I'm like, that is the goal. Like, if that is possible, even if it's not possible for the entire time, but to be able to access that presentness in the shoot is everything.
Melissa TaubYeah. And I take that, I think almost every day since like, it was this lesson in trusting the process and kind of giving up some control that I, since then and also through The New Sexy, like I've really been trying to hone that skill and it's been really helpful in so many different aspects of my life.
Rebecca SigalaYeah. Wow. That's really so incredible and I'm sure that it might be even more difficult for you in certain ways because of your diagnosises because there's so much stuff that you have to go through and doctors and information and medication and all these things, and to be able to on one hand be like, okay, I can control the things that I can control. On the other hand, let go, even within that and within your body. I can just imagine that there's a lot of challenges to that and it's really amazing that you are able to get to that point and that it's something that is constant in your mind as a goal and something that you can, you know, always go back to in a way, if that makes sense.
Melissa TaubYeah. And I think there, there's so much in my life that I can't control, exactly. And that's probably a shorter way of putting it. Meaning there, there's so much in my life I can't control, so I always try to grasp on the things I could control to an extreme sometimes. So learning to, to let those things be and let them play out has been so crucial in my life.
Rebecca SigalaThat's so beautiful. Okay, so then a year passes between your, I mean, I'm sure there's a million things we could talk about the shoot and like how amazing the pictures were and just like, what an incredible experience it was like for me too. I just, I have such beautiful memories of it. But a year passed by and then we started talking about you joining the New Sexy, the 12 week group coaching program that is open for enrollment right now. And I remember having that conversation with you as well and kind of just talking about what it would mean for you, what you felt like you were struggling with. Do you remember that conversation? Do you remember kind of where you were at with your relationship with your body at that point?
Melissa TaubYeah, I do. I so following, shoot, I had so much confidence and self-esteem in the body that was in that shoot. So the following months after the shoot, I had started gaining weight. Um mm-hmm. And so the person that was in the photos, the person that experienced the shoot was not the same body when I looked in the mirror the year later.
Rebecca SigalaRight. Not physically, which was physically also, I just wanna mention that it wasn't just like something that you had embraced before, like the shoot helped you embrace the body that you had then. Right. Do you know what I mean by that?
Melissa TaubYeah. So after my surgery, I started, an anti-inflammatory diet. And that was purely for health reasons, but it got me to this weight that was, I felt, was very stable. And it wasn't my ideal weight. It wasn't my skinniest that I was in high school, ideal weight. My mind like yeah, it, it, and I had learned that I will never be the same way I was in high school. I'm a curvier woman. I'm aging, my body is changing. And I really accepted that. And even that was kind of hard for me to do, but I was at this, what I felt was a stable weight for where I'm supposed to be. And so then I embraced that, which was already kind of a step for me to do. Right. And that's that I wanted to mention. Yeah. And then following that shoot. To then go from that, where I felt was a stable weight. My body was telling me where I'm supposed to be to, for unknown reasons. Medically, or lifestyle, it doesn't really matter. I had started gaining weight and it was very hard for me to accept that because I had just gotten acceptance of the weight I was at before.
Rebecca SigalaRight. So it was like you started to have the tools to embrace your body and love your body where it was at, but then with the changes, it was just like going back to square one again, or maybe not square one, but it, became difficult again to re-embrace your body.
Melissa TaubYeah. I wouldn't say square one because I felt comfortable and confident in my head, like, because I still felt like the person who did the shoot. But then when I would look in the mirror, I would feel this kind of disconnect. Cause I was like, that's not the person from the photos. So it was really hard for me to, to kind of wrap that together. So getting dressed was really difficult because also I realized that my clothes were not really meant for the new body I had. So every time I would get dressed, I would be sad and upset with. It wasn't about really my body, it was about the clothing.
Rebecca SigalaMm-hmm. So you, at the time, right before you started The New Sexy last December, you were feeling a certain way about the weight that you had gained over the year and how your body had changed. And it was hard for you to like what you saw when you looked in the mirror and you didn't really feel comfortable in your clothing. And one other thing that I remember you telling me is you were kind of like, blaming yourself a little bit, which. Seems like that is something that, first of all, so normal. I feel like most women do that. But also something that kind of goes in line with this journey that you've had so far. Like, I'm blaming myself. I'm not doing it. I'm doing something.
Melissa TaubIt's actually interesting because I, I didn't want to blame myself because of course, I would keep going to doctors and be like, I think there's, like, it goes back to trusting my gut. Like I was like, it doesn't make sense to me that I'm gaining weight with all these other factors that I listed to them, and I felt like something was, was off. And I have every doctor tell me it's lifestyle, it's something you're doing. And I couldn't accept that. Like I would blame myself a little bit, but my gut was telling me like, this, this is not your fault even. Yeah, it's, it's never really anyone's fault, but I didn't believe that I was to blame, but I kept being told this narrative that it was something that I was doing. So, and, and it goes back. So you were not
Rebecca Sigalahaving, you were being blamed.
Melissa TaubYeah. And, and I, and I wasn't accepting it, like, I would be upset because I was like, why do people keep telling me this and not really trusting what I'm saying? And it goes back to the control part where I, I think I realized during the course that, I wanted the weight gain to have a medical reason, because then it wouldn't have been in my control and I couldn't blame myself. Right, because my history when, like, when we did the course and we went back to our, our body history, like my history of like, yo-yo dieting and, restricted dieting with, yeah. With my history of, of restrictive dieting and all these different like, ups and downs that my body has gone through. I always felt like if, if I wasn't losing weight or if I wasn't in the body that I wanted, then I failed. And that goes back to the whole control. So I, I didn't want to accept that I was to blame for this weight gain this past year. So it was a lot of different things that I was really struggling.
Rebecca SigalaThat's a realization to have.
Melissa TaubYeah, but I didn't realize, because when we first spoke I was like, I don't really think I need this. Like, I have the confidence from the shoot. I think even the first session I was,
Rebecca Sigalayou're like, this would be nice. And like, I'm interested in it, but like, I think I'm pretty good.
Melissa TaubAnd like the first module we had when you had us have the body image baseline. I forgot exactly what it was called. Yeah, yeah. That's what it's called. Yeah. When you had different statements and you write how much they're yes or no, whether like, when I look in the mirror, I don't try to hide my body from people, things like that. And I had marked almost everything Yes. Like that. I was good. I was like, oh, my baseline's pretty good. I felt good. And then slowly throughout the course I was like, there's more work to do here.
Rebecca SigalaYeah, yeah. So tell me about that. What was that experience like?
Melissa TaubIt was incredible. I don't think any of us really knew what to expect because it was all of our first, courses, also yours. Um, and it was,
Rebecca Sigalayeah, it was, the first time that I was doing that rendition of the course. Mm-hmm. Like with that much depth and support.
Melissa TaubYeah. I don't think I was skeptical, but I was like curious like, what will this be? What will I get outta it? And from the first session I knew that it was special, like especially the women.
Rebecca SigalaWhat was that? And just like a feeling you got when you were on the call or,
Melissa Taubyeah, it was, and I have amazing friends and I feel very close with my friends and very open talk about lot of things I do. And, but there's something really different and special about this group of women. I think one of the things is that we're from all different places in our life, whether relationship status, religion, location. Just everything. And it was so eyeopening to see that, I mean, everyone always says like, oh, everyone's going through the same thing or has similar,
Rebecca Sigalayou never know what people are going through. Yeah. Blah, blah, blah. Like all the cliches.
Melissa TaubExactly. And I think that it was so eyeopening because one, just the support that we gave each other from being in all these different places in life, and also seeing like the, the thread going through our stories, like I didn't relate to everything that everyone said, but there would be certain things that I would be able to relate to. And I realized that when you have compassion to the stories that don't relate to you, it helps teach you to have compassion when you hear a story that does relate to you, and you usually wouldn't maybe treat yourself with that much compassion that you deserve, but it kind of is this lesson in compassion and empathy that is really important.
Rebecca SigalaIt's like a muscle that you have to start to work, and once you work it, then you can give it back to yourself as well when you realize that you deserve it and you want to do this for yourself.
Melissa TaubYeah. That's so beautiful. It's an amazing group of women. We're all each other's cheerleaders. I think it was like the constant support that we had and the openness that everyone brought to the group was just so special. And also the modules themselves, the lessons, the, topics that we dove into and that we kind of,
Rebecca Sigaladid you find that, Like difficult to go through in any way? Was it enjoyable? Like what was that experience going through the actual modules? Because I think people just talking to people now, they're like, oh my God, like what kinda course is it? I'm like, it's, we're not gonna Harvard here. Like, it's not like an academic course, but like what was that experience like for you?
Melissa TaubSo I think that, I mean, no one's checking your homework and no one's making sure you do everything. You go at your own speed. And all the women went at different speeds. Meaning there'd be some weeks that I didn't have a chance to, do the reading or any of the exercises. And then I would catch up on it later. There's no like discrimination, like you didn't do the homework. Like it's not, it's everyone at their own speed. It's like very relaxed. Yeah. Um,
Rebecca SigalaI really wanted it to be like that because I felt that it could just be one of those things that women who are perfectionists, who I feel like that's almost every single woman that I meet, right. In their own way, they're perfectionists about their own things. But I felt like this was a space where I didn't want women to feel shame about who they are. I didn't want them to feel like they're not enough. Those are the things that we're working on shifting. So if that was just like another task that they felt like they weren't doing well enough, or doing in a way that, someone else decided they were supposed to do it, then that would defeat the purpose. So I'm glad that that was what you experienced going through it.
Melissa TaubAnd I remember one of the calls where we had to write down something that we wanted to like, Get rid of from like our, our thinking. We wrote it a piece of paper, we ripped it up.
Rebecca SigalaLike a limiting belief or something.
Melissa TaubLimiting belief. Yeah. And I remember I wrote, I'm letting go of the pressure to get through this journey quickly, because I think that was one of the things that, that I felt, and maybe some of the other women felt is that we, we wanted to get to the end of this journey, but you can't rush it. Like, like just wake up one day and like, and you're, you're, you're like, and you're past it. Yeah. Like it's, it, it doesn't happen that way. And especially when you see like there's all these different topics. Like it's not just looking in the mirror. It's motion and food and intimacy and all these different topics and you can't really rush healing ever. And I really needed to, to tell myself and remind myself like, this can go at the pace you need it to go.
Rebecca SigalaThat's really beautiful. It was like you gave yourself permission to just go through the journey at the pace that you need
Melissa Tauband to just be, and that's also similar to the shoot where I just like had to trust the process and let go.
Rebecca SigalaYeah. And trust yourself, which is like the huge theme of this all, That's incredible. Would you call that your big take away? Was there anything else that you took away that was like very significant when you look back? I mean, I guess everything you've said has been very significant. I guess was there anything else? Was there anything that surprised you?
Melissa TaubYeah, I remember one of the first, so like I mentioned in the beginning, I was like, oh, I don't, not that I don't need this, but it's like, I, I think I'm in a good place. And then slowly I started realizing there were certain things that I needed to focus on and work through.
Rebecca SigalaRight. Was, that transition, was that difficult for you? Like from feeling like you were in a good place to like realizing that there's something bigger there that you want to dive into, was that like a hard transition or were you able to give yourself compassion for that?
Melissa TaubIt definitely hit me hard, that realization. I, I still gave myself compassion, but it, it was kind of a bit of a, a shock to the system. When I realized like awake and things were or something. Yeah, it was awake. Yeah. And especially like, one of the, the first things I remember that really like took me was, in our WhatsApp group, you asked us to send, childhood photos of ourselves and write something like compassionate or, or something to ourselves. And I remember that I chose a photo from high school and I remember after I took that photo, I was like, oh, I look really thin here. Like, I was happy with how I looked there and I sent that. I, I don't remember what I wrote to myself about it, which is, it doesn't really matter. And then the next day I came back to the group and I was like, actually that was a really, really difficult assignment for me to do because I couldn't choose any of my childhood photos that I have because I always made fun of those photos. I didn't feel compassion for those photos because in high school I would, I think as a self-defense kind of mechanism, I would laugh at these childhood photos of myself where I was bigger and wearing weird clothes and I, I didn't think they were cute. Like I, I really, I tried to be like,
Rebecca Sigalalike when you were like a pre-teen or a teenager, you were looking at childhood pictures of yourself and like Yeah. Making fun of yourself kinda in a little bit of a way.
Melissa TaubYeah. Like I had, an album on my phone called Photos. Actually. I used to have an album I think in high school that called fat photos of when I was
Rebecca SigalaYou never told me that.
Melissa TaubI just realized that right now. And I would show them to my friends and I would like laugh about them, be like, look how, like weird I looked how gross, like this photo is so embarrassing, but like for sure try to get like in front of them
Rebecca SigalaFor sure a way of you saying like, I'm not fat anymore.
Melissa TaubYeah. And I couldn't find a photo to choose that I felt like I could say something compassionate to that photo. And I wrote that in the group and I was like, that was much harder than I expected. I did not expect those feelings to come up. And it's funny because a few weeks ago I was, and I think I actually did send in the group at the end, cause I think someone asked like, let's see a photo. Like, let's see, like if we can like get through this. And I sent a photo and I think you all were like, this is so cute. And then a few weeks ago I was sitting with my roommates and we were like all going around like showing like childhood photos and the exact photo I did not, not wanna share in, in our WhatsApp group. I, I showed it to them and I was like, look how cute this is. And I completely flipped it in my head. Yeah.
Rebecca SigalaThat's amazing. That's so beautiful. And you, and you really felt like proud of
Melissa TaubI really felt like it was cute. Yeah. I really felt it was cute. I mean, there's some photos that I'm like, why did my mom dress me that way? But that's, that's less on, on me and more on her.
Rebecca SigalaOh my God, you should have seen me. I had like one of those mushroom cuts. Totally. Yeah. That's, that's a whole different story and I feel like a lot of people could relate to that too. Yeah. That is amazing. Okay, so that's like one awesome thing that like tangibly changed in your life where it was like literally the exact same picture that you felt one way about you completely flipped it and see it in a different way, which is so beautiful and magical. Maybe not magical, but it feels that way. What other things started to shift in your life?
Melissa TaubOne of the things I wrote in, and we had one of the modules or one of the sessions was writing about who our old self was and who our new self was. And I wrote in my old self that she was a perfectionist and she loved herself conditionally. And, and I was also self-deprecating about my past weight, that defense mechanism. And that's only really something that I discovered during the course. Like if you would've told me to write this before we did the course, I would've never have written those things. And then I wrote now like, love myself unconditionally. Doesn't mean that I don't have ups and downs and struggles, but my love is not dependent on how I look or how much I weigh.
Rebecca SigalaMakes me wanna cry. It's amazing. Freaking amazing.
Melissa TaubAnother big thing was about going shopping and getting dressed. Mm-hmm. That I would always, especially living in Israel, that there's not always clothing for my body size. So I would go to the mall and I would come home depressed and sad and just angry. Yeah. And I remember I had written in our WhatsApp group, like, I'm going shopping. Like, I dunno if I said like, wish me luck. Like, I didn't know how I was gonna react. And then we had a call the next day and I think you asked me like, so how was shopping? And I was like, I came home and like I didn't get anything, but I was totally fine. Like I just, I was tired cause I was on my feet the whole day like for a long time. Yeah. Like I, it completely like, did not penetrate my, my feelings, you know what I mean? Like it didn't mean anything.
Rebecca SigalaBecause you love yourself unconditionally.
Melissa TaubAnd I also realized that the clothing does not, like whether or not a dress fits does not mean anything less about myself.
Rebecca SigalaRight. It doesn't define you at all. Yeah. That's so, so incredible. One thing, like, as you're talking about everything that I just wanna mention is that like, it's not like you were not self aware before. Like you go to therapy, you are always growing. Like you're interested in personal development, you know. And for you to have these incredible, realizations about yourself and so much growth in such a short period of time is amazing. But I feel like it's just like another extension of your journey, you know? Which I guess that's kind of like, for me, and I don't know if that's how you feel about it too. It's surprising in a way because you have been on this personal development journey for so long. What do you think was different about these three months than the rest of your healing journey?
Melissa TaubIt's hard to say. I mean, yeah, I've been in therapy my whole life. My family is a big believer in therapy. Love it. And yeah, and I love therapy and I think it's amazing. I think certain therapies are meant for certain, like can focus on different aspects of your life. And I don't think that I was necessarily, I didn't realize that I had something to work on here in this field, so I don't think I ever really dove so deep into it in therapy in general. And I think to have this special place to really focus on it, and that's the sole focus. And you have this amazing support group and you have an expert on this topic. You know what I mean? Like, it just, it fuels your, your search and it really opened me up to these things that I didn't realize that I, I needed to work on, at all.
Rebecca SigalaAnd I think a lot of times, like, we don't really. At least my experience of therapy is it's not, there's like all these different things that we're working on like trauma, childhood trauma, relationships, communication, like all these things that like seem to come up first. And what I've realized like on my own journey is how much body image is actually so foundational. And it's something that people are just not looking at first. And of course they literally touch every other aspect of the things that we're working on, but we kind of just like push that to the side and we're like, okay, well I need to work on this. Like, it doesn't really matter about what I think about when I look in the mirror because for some reason, it doesn't feel like it's as important or as big as the other things when really they're so interconnected. Does that resonate with you e
Melissa TaubExactly. I think there's a few things. I think one. Most women don't realize that there's any other way to feel. Like, I don't think women hundred percent realize that they don't have to be upset about getting dressed how they look like, I don't think they, they see that there's another, like they can get to the other side. I also think
Rebecca Sigalathat's, that's said so perfectly. That hits me so hard.
Melissa TaubI also think that they don't realize how, like you said, it's very foundational, a lot of these feelings, but I don't think women understand, I shouldn't talk for everyone, but I don't, I didn't understand that there were certain things that were impacting my day-to-day life, and I didn't realize, like,
Rebecca SigalaYou didn't realize that it was coming from this relationship with your body specifically.
Melissa TaubYeah, in therapy, I would focus on like what I felt were bigger topics. Yeah, like body image and how I felt in my skin was not really, I, I didn't realize that that's a part of therapy like that I could have. Right. I also didn't think that, actually,
Rebecca SigalaI think a lot of therapists don't think that way either cuz otherwise they could bring it up.
Melissa TaubYeah. And I think like, I think you could also break it down, like when we, in one of the modules, when you go back to your, maybe it's like your body timeline and like your experiences and like kind of what you are told throughout your life. Those are like small experiences that that impact how you view yourself. Right. So like I think when people generally think of therapy, they think of like, oh yeah, like I could talk about those experiences, but you don't go deeper to like, what has that taught you? Like what, how do you feel about yourself now because of that?
Rebecca SigalaYeah. That's really powerful. And I'm still thinking about what you said about how most women do not realize that there's another way to feel.
Melissa TaubNot at all. Yeah. I think like it's similar to like how I felt before I was diagnosed with fibro. Like I didn't realize that other people didn't feel this kind of pain every day. Right? Like I think when you speak to, like, when I speak to my friends, like everyone's dealing with their own personal struggles and their own issues, and you feel like, oh, like everyone must be feeling this way when they look in the mirror. Or everyone must be feeling like that. So like, why should I be any different? Like, why should I heal myself if this is how society is? Like, like I wouldn't even think that that's a thing that I can get, get over.
Rebecca SigalaYeah. A hundred percent. I also had that experience when I started my healing journey. I remember my therapist said something like, you're really hard on yourself. And I was like, what? Like, Doesn't everyone think about themselves this way? And that was such a revelation for me. I was like, oh, like not everyone is an asshole to themselves. Or like it doesn't have to be that way, even though a lot of people are, you know?
Melissa TaubYeah. I think it's also similar with like diet culture, that a lot of people don't realize that there's another way, and they're like, everyone's our
Rebecca Sigalareality. It's literally like, yeah, it's all around us. It's all around us.
Melissa TaubSo you don't realize that there's another way. And it's also really hard to get to that other way if you don't have the right support, because everyone kind of just keeps bringing you back because everyone's so ingrained in that culture,
Rebecca SigalaRight. Like if, you know, you read an article about body positivity and you're like, oh, that's a really nice concept, or perhaps you're able to step out of diet culture for like a little bit and embrace your body as it is. It's very difficult to stay there in our mind because of how much diet culture surrounds us. And that's really why I love the group setting for the group coaching program because, it's like stepping outside of that completely and having a place where people like actually support you in loving your body as it is. Because when you step outside of that, you're gonna need to have the strength to be like, No. This is what I believe now. When everyone is still saturated with these thoughts of not being enough and needing to be on restrictive diets and needing to change their body constantly. You know what I mean?
Melissa TaubYeah, exactly.
Rebecca SigalaThen, I love that you continued on with us for the 12 month program. Well, I don't even know if it's a 12 month program. I'm just gonna like continue it on forever, hopefully, God willing. But it's called Embody Image and really like my idea behind that name was to embody all of the things that we had laid a foundation for for the first three months. What were your reasons for wanting to continue on?
Melissa TaubI felt that the boudoir shoot was like the, the foundation of this and The New Sexy was these building blocks and I still had more to build and I wanted to make sure that I, I really took it into my everyday life and I really wanted to solidify these changes and this experience that I had. And I didn't want it to end. Like I, I knew. I think it's also, it's a process like I, I can't say now that I'm like completely on the other side and I don't have any struggles with my body or my body image. Yeah. That wouldn't be realistic. I still felt like I needed more support and there was more to work on.
Rebecca SigalaYeah. On this ever evolving. Yeah, beautiful journey. I think there needs to be like a switch in our mind about it being like, we wake up one day and everything is perfect, or when this happens, I'll be happy and fulfilled all the time, or I never have to work on these things again. And I constantly have to remind myself that it actually is really beautiful, that it's an ever-evolving journey. And even when things come up that we feel like are from the past or something that, oh my God, I thought I got over this. It's actually an opportunity to go even deeper.
Melissa TaubExactly. And I think it wasn't one of the reasons why I signed up, but now that I'm in the continuing class, One of the things I realized that it's so special to me is it's not even about myself. It's, I love being there to support the other women and to hear their, their struggles and their wins. And like when they have a win, I feel like it's my win also and it strengthens me. And I think there's something so special about the group setting and the, the group of women that I, I think was, it's, it kept me on.
Rebecca SigalaYeah, that is so true. And I think we also don't even realize, like you said, like how much it gives us to be able to give. And, I feel the same way. I feel completely changed through that program, those first three months as well. And I wasn't going through it, but I was, I was going through it. I was with you guys. Thank you so much, Melissa. Is there anything else, that you wanted to say about endometriosis or fibromyalgia? Maybe a place that someone could go if they want to learn more information about that? Cause it's just so important and I'm so glad that you're talking openly about these things.
Melissa TaubSo for Endo, there's a bunch of different Facebook groups in Israel. I'm not sure where listeners are gonna be exactly, but the golden standard in Endo knowledge is something called Nancy's Nook. I, I'm pretty sure it's nancysnook.com, n o o k. And that has all the information. There hasn't been so much research in Endo, unfortunately, even though it affects one in 10 women. Mm-hmm. So, this woman, Nancy, put together this whole database of all the information. Mm-hmm. There's also special doctors that are approved by this group, and there's also a Facebook group and there's a lot of information there. So if anyone finds that my story feels familiar to them or any of the symptoms sound similar, then I would recommend checking out Nancysnook.com and just reading up more. And also happy if anyone wants to reach out to me and get more information.
Rebecca SigalaYeah. Beautiful. And I feel like I don't know about you, but like, I feel like the message here is like, we can trust ourselves. We can trust our bodies. Our bodies are so smart.
Melissa TaubYeah. And I think everyone needs to, trust their intuition. Yes. I think that when you first start out, it's really easy to, confuse your intuition with anxiety and fear. And I think that's something that women and everyone really needs to work on, understanding the differences and once you are able to separate them and understand what your intuition and your gut is telling you, it's so empowering and it's so important whether you're dealing with health issues or not, just in general.
Rebecca SigalaYeah. It could even just trust yourself. Be like everyday thing. Like, am I gonna eat this or that? Am I gonna wear this or that? Like, you know, is this person safe? Do I need to create a boundary here? All these little things really rely on us trusting ourselves and our intuition. And if we're not in touch with that, then we let everyone else run our lives and. Not ourselves and we give up some of our power. Exactly. You're amazing. Thank you so much for being so open and vulnerable and just for being part of my life. I so appreciate you and I'm sure that there will be so many women here who relate to your story, like you said, even if they don't relate, there's always that common thread and, thank you so much for coming on.
Melissa TaubThank you. And thank you for the shoot and the course and the continuing course and just, especially also for your Instagram, I think there's so much information you put out there that helps women understand their bodies better and trust themselves and just is so empowering.
Rebecca SigalaIt's my pleasure. Thank you so much, Melissa. Thanks for coming on today. Well, that's a wrap. Thank you all so much for tuning in. I'm so grateful for all of you and the fact that you come with such open hearts to my podcast and listen to these beautiful stories and concepts about body image and really just being a woman in the world today. A lot of you have told me through messages and emails and tagging me on Instagram that this podcast has impacted you and that is so inspiring for me to hear. It is why I do what I do every day. So if this has impacted you in any way, feel free to reach out. I love hearing about it. I love having conversations about the concepts that I talk about. Just know that I am here and you can always reach out to me. And for the women that it has shifted things for, even in small ways, I want to let you know that there are ways of going even deeper on this journey and really implementing the concepts that we talk about here and completely changing your life and the way that you see and talk to and treat your body. It's totally possible, which is why I created my signature program, the New Sexy. And it's actually open for enrollment. We're starting mid-June, and what I do for people who are interested is I offer free discovery calls. So if you have even a tiny little inclination that you are ready for this journey, that you are curious about this journey. Please sign up right now for a free discovery call In the show notes there, we will connect and we'll explore what this journey could really look like for you. And also if you're loving these episodes, please rate me so that we can bring more incredible people into this revolution. Okay, love y'all. Talk to you soon.